Tuesday, March 27, 2012

stress and anxiety

I'm stressed. So stressed that my anxiety is starting to kick in, which rarely happens. I am used to handling my depression, but when I'm also dealing with anxiety everything gets harder. Anxiety makes it harder for me to breathe... I can only get a good, full breath maybe 10% of the time. I have an emergency enhaler but it doesn't really do a whole lot. I couldn't even finish my workout yesterday because breathing was really uncomfortable. So for the next day or two, I'm just trying to relax as much as possible. Going to take a bath tonight I think, or else a really hot shower.

But back to stress.

There's work stress, friendship stress (or, lack of friendship stress), and then there is stress that I put on myself, especially when it comes to eating.

I went to training last night and spent the better part of an hour just talking to Josh... he is like my own personal Bob or Jillian, hahaha. He totally gets that a lot of the process of losing weight and becoming healthier is mental, and he is helping me work through things and look at things differently. (And I can't thank him enough, really, at this point he is working with me for free...)

For example, yesterday he asked me about how my food was, and I told him that most of the time it was good but a day or two out of every week I just couldn't control it. We talked about it for about 15 minutes or so - what I was eating, etc.

Then he did some math, and showed me just how long we spent focusing on my bad decisions (including % of calories from the bad food that I chose to eat), and compared it to how long we spent talking about my good food decisions.

He really got me to see that I need to be focusing more on my good decisions. And I shouldn't be stressing about being perfect, either. I don't usually log my bad food days, or if I do, I log them a day or two after they happened. It's definitely something that I need to work on.

Anyway, I don't think there is much more of a point to this. I just wanted to have it written down to refer back to and remind myself of.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

2 Awesome Stories Directly Related to Spin Class

I posted on my wall (at MFP) this afternoon, asking if my friends thought it was a good idea to do a spin class directly following strength training. I got a lot of resounding YES votes, so I went home, threw gym clothes on, and hightailed it to the gym in order to have the time to do both.


The 5:30 spin class finished, and all of us in the 6:30 came in and staked claim on our bikes while the earlier class wiped them down. My favorite bike had been used by a woman who is in my Saturday spin class, and we got to talking. I wanted to make sure she wasn't doing both classes, and that it was okay to take her bike.

Her: "Nope, not doing 2 tonight, but I have before!

Me: "Wow! I don't think I could do that. I can do 3 a week, but not 2 back to back."

Her: "Sure you can! I've seen you ride, you're really good!"

Wow - that was not the reply I was expecting. Honestly, I was completely floored, and very flattered. We talked for a few more minutes about biking and spin class with our favorite instructors. By the time we said "Bye, see you Saturday!" she had me convinved not only to seriously consider buying a bike, but to do both Saturday classes. I don't know if she knows that she did those things - but she really challenged me.

As soon as class was over I went to the desk and signed up for the 9:00 class on Saturday in addition to the 10:00 that I was already signed up for.


I'm not going to lie. Part of the reason I decided to do both strength and cardio tonight was so that I'd have more exercise calories. I very well may have skipped the gym but the thought of a Frosty and french fries kept me from being a lazy bum tonight. I really, really wanted a Frosty and french fries - even the smallest size of both.

But, by the time I had finished my hour and a half long workout... I felt completely exhausted... and thoroughly ROCK STAR AWESOME. And I couldn't stomach the thought of feeding myself ice cream and french fries. The thought of it made me sick. Pretty amazing, right?

So I came home, fixed myself a giant bowl of 2 eggs and 2 egg whites with salsa and fresh goat cheese, and a normal sized bowl of cereal. Later I'll have a fruit smoothie. I think my body will appreciate all of this much more than fast food.
Not saying I won't have fast food in the future, because of COURSE I will.

But not tonight.

Monday, March 5, 2012

the second time around

Last week: 251.6

This week: 250.6 (-1)

I'll take a pound down, especially a pound in such a stressful week when tracking calories was kind of on the back burner for me. I had several days when I was a couple hundred calories over, and last night I had a complete meltdown and ate a hot pocket and ice cream for dinner.

Losing weight the second time around is tough. When I first started and I was 4 weeks in, I had lost something crazy like 17 pounds. I'm at 9.5 right now - and I know that 9.5 pounds is AWESOME... but it's hard not to compare it to last time, you know?

One thing I am doing differently this time is that I am eating the calories I burn when I exercise. This is something I learned on MyFitnessPal. If you are eating at a deficit to lose x # of pounds per week - you will lose that much whether or not you exercise. When you exercise, you are creating an even BIGGER deficit, and the energy you used to fuel your workout needs to be replaced with more food.

I wasn't eating enough the last time I was losing weight. I was eating between 1,200-1,500 most days, and also going to the gym for 1-2 hours a day most days. I am sure on some days I was netting way less than the recommended 1,200 calories/day. Which explains why I lost so fast at first... but I also think this explains why the weight came back on with such alarming speed when I stopped tracking.

Hopefully I'm doing it right this time around... and hopefully this is the LAST time around.