Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Almost, but not quite.

I almost forgot to post today!  But I didn't quite.  Here I am, checking in.

Today was... interesting.  Work went fine, though I got Starbucks for breakfast and delivery food for lunch.  Not the best nutritional choices.  Then I had personal training after work.  It was hard!  My trainer, Robert, pushes me hard and is constantly encouraging me to make good choices.  I really appreciate that quality in him.  Even when I sometimes don't want to hear it.

After work and the workout, I had a rough ride home.  It wasn't traffic... it was just my emotions.  *TMI Alert* I realized that I'm about 10 days out from my period, which is when I tend to experience PMS.  I'll have a day or two of slightly higher than usual anxiety, which usually just makes me really want a hug or someone to cuddle with. Most of the time, these days align with when I see my boyfriend, D - so I don't really notice the extra emotions.  But sometimes, like today, the PMS hits me hard and makes me super sad that today was the ONE day this week that I'm spending without him.  Blah.

But instead of getting TOO down I kept busy.  I made a freezer pizza - it was all I had and I didn't feel like shopping.  I watched last week's Season 2 premier of The Good Place.  I drew myself a hot bath, turned off all the lights in my apartment, and lit a candle.  Then D called and I talked to him for half an hour or so while I soaked.  The self care helped.

I am very slowly learning how to take good care of myself without using food.  Candle baths are a favorite option, one I need to use more.  Coloring is good.  Reading is always on the table. I love a good hour or so sitting outside on my balcony couch. And to be honest, sometimes spending a little bit of cash on a new book or a pedicure or a pair of shoes isn't the end of the world.

Tonight I bought two copies of a book called 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged.  Next Monday is our 6 month dating anniversary, and D and I have had engagement and marriage come up a lot more often in our conversations lately.  It's a topic that's on both our minds, clearly, which is so incredibly exciting.  I fully believe that D is the man God has always intended for me, and I couldn't be more pleased.  But I also think that we still have plenty of depth to discover about each other in our relationship.  So, I'm hoping we will both enjoy reading this book and asking each other these questions.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Life in 2017

This blog was busiest back in 2009 and 2010.  For months, I posted daily and had a lot of success losing 50 pounds.  Then I started to gain weight again. After than, I posted every few weeks. Then every few months. Then maybe once or twice a year.  It's been a little over two years since the last time I updated this blog.

And I want to use it again.  But every time I came to look at it, it felt like my past was just haunting me.  I hated looking at my old posts.  So, I've unpublished them all for now.  They are, for a better word, archived.  I haven't deleted them and I'm not going to, at least for now. I may republish them at some point.

This month I started the 5th Facebook weight loss challenge that I've done.  The first couple I didn't do so well.  The 3rd, I came in 2nd place.  The one before this one I think I gained weight.  However, I'm determined to succeed this time around. My goal for this challenge, which ends in December, is to get back into the 250's at least.  And I'm doing it my usual way - CICO (Calories In, Calories Out).   I'm tracking my food on MyFitnessPal and hitting the gym at work a couple times a week.

Life in 2017 is very different than my life in 2009.  Back then I was single, living with roommates, and working at the YMCA.  Now I've got a serious boyfriend, live in my own apartment with two cats, and work as an accountant for a big accounting firm. 

I've also gained and lost and gained and lost and maintained plenty of weight these last 8 years. And to be honest, I'm just exhausted with it all.  I can't live like this.  And it's not just for me anymore - it's for my future family.  I want to have kids. I'm not healthy enough for that right now.  Additionally, and kinda related - I want to have amazing sex.  Both my boyfriend and I are committed to waiting until we are married to have sex.  And it's a struggle to wait, believe me.  I know it will be worth it.  But gosh, I want to be in shape and healthy so that I can enjoy it as much as possible, for both of our sake. I'm really looking forward to that day, and I want to look, and feel, incredible. We both deserve that.

So back to tracking my food.  Back to working out with my trainer.  Back to lunchtime bootcamp with my coworkers. (Actually this is entirely new, but way fun, and a great motivator!) Back to finding races and training for them.

I'm committing right now to posting every day for the rest of this Facebook challenge.  It probably won't be a long update every time, and there might be a day or two where I'm travelling or out late.  But I'm going to do my absolute best.