Do you know what feels incredible?

Moisturizing. You think I am kidding, but I am not. I have always dealt with dry skin, mostly on my feet and elbows. Not much of anywhere else though.

But this week, I discovered something terrible. You can get dry skin on your face!!! I have never ever had dry face skin. But now I do. It is terribly itchy and kind of rough and scaly. On my FACE!!! So I made a trip to Target and got me some facial moisturizer. I put it on as soon as I got in the car after buying it. Not only does it feel amazing, it smells pretty good too. And by that, I mean it smells a little like sunscreen, since it is SPF 15. And I do love the smell of sunscreen... it reminds me of the beach.

Anyway, so now in addition to slathering my body with lotion after showing, I am also slathering my face. I am sure my skin will thank me.

Thanks for the comments yesterday, friends. I am just going to take this one day at a time. My goal for this weekend is to exercise at least once. I will have a better chance of making this happen, since I won't be limited to exercising only in the morning. Once I hit the afternoon, I usually feel a lot better. I also might try using the gym at the Y tonight/tomorrow night. Just to see what it's like and if it works for me.

No news... is probably bad news.

Blahhhh. This week is no better than last week. I keep eating junk, and I don't want to, it just keeps happening. It's like I lost every ounce of self control. I hate it. I feel like it is slowly getting better, but it is going soooooo slowly.

I am going to bed at a normal time, and every morning I wake up hurting and exhausted. Which means I have not exercised more than once this week. I am seriously considering getting a personal trainer at the YMCA where I work. Not every day, not even once a week, but if I had a session or two, I think I could get the hang of it and get a routine going. Plus since I'm an employee, I get a discount, yay.

Every so often, in a mirror or a window, I see my reflection and can catch a glimpse of what I might look like when I lose more weight. Maybe it's something in my face, or the way my legs look, or maybe something different. But it is what keeps me going, when everything feels terrible, like it has recently.

Also, as far as feeling terrible goes, I am going to go see a doctor in January and talk about changing/adding onto my depression meds. I'm just not feeling great and I have no motivation whatsoever, which is not usually a problem for me. If I want to do something, I do it. But right now, I have the desire to be more active, but I simply can't do it. No matter how much I want to.

On a lighter note, I am glad that it is now the season to watch Christmas movies. I don't like much Christmas music, so I make do with watching lots of Christmas movies. Tonight it's While You Were Sleeping. Good times. =)

One of these days.

If there is anything that I would love to do more than anything else in the world, it would be to make a living as an author. But dang if I can't finish a story for the life of me.

By my current count, I am working on four different stories. They are all at different stages of development. One is a little less than half done, two have less than 10,000 words, and one is just an outline. But they are all great stories. I'm thinking I may need to get a journal just to write down ideas in, so I can save them for later. I wish I had thought of the story that I just started yesterday back in October. It would have been so much easier to write than the one I originally tried to do. Ah well. I'm loving the story that I thought of yesterday, though. It came to me when I was on my walk, and I spent the whole next hour just walking and working it out in my head. The time went so fast.

But one of these days, I have got to finish a story. I am never going to get published if I can't have a finished product ready to send out for rejection. =)

In other news, my new friend Sheridan gave me an award! I have never gotten one of these before, so how exciting!

Here is what I am supposed to post:

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:

Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving bloggers.
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award. I got this award from Sheridan. Thanks, girl! =)
Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.
Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

So, with no further ado, here is my list of the 5 people I am passing this on to:

Monica at Confessions of a + Sized Girl. Because you are simply amazing.

Deb at Deb Will Be Thin. For your kind comments and support.

Stages of Change. I know I don't really comment on your blog, and I should. Your entries are real, honest, and challenge me. Ever since you left me my first comment, I have been a fan. I am inspired by your determination.

Izzybee at A Single Step - as easy as 123. Because you are my favorite newest friend on here. =) (Besides Sheridan, but she gave this to me, so I can't give it back, haha!)

Sarah at A bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. Simply because I enjoy your updates and can always find something to relate to.

So there you go. If you don't want to do it, I don't blame you, this took forever! Hahaha. Anyway, it's just nice to be able to recognize you all.

I hope you all had great weekends. Back to the old grind tomorrow morning. I better go get some writing done!

Friday Stats: I don't deserve this.

Starting Weight: 250.3

Last Week's Weight: 223.6

This Week's Weight: 222.8

I did nothing to deserve a loss, even one as small as .8 lb. I barely wrote anything down this week, I felt terrible (actually, I still kind of do, my throat is killing me!), and my only exercise was a 3 mile run last Sunday.

The only thing I can think of is that now that I am on this whole healthy living track, I'm doing better subconsciously. I know how to not stuff myself, even at our Thanksgiving last night, I ate an appropriate amount of insanely delicious food. I have had a couple mini-binges, but they were nothing at all like eating a pizza, a pint of ice cream, and a bag of goldfish in one sitting. It was more like I ate 3 90 calorie granola bars. Which isn't good, but it also isn't the end of the world. I'm getting better.

So there you have it. A completely undeserved .8 lb loss. I can't tell you how thrilled I am. There are no words. And I'm also completely excited for this next week, and getting back on track.

I am super excited for the rest of today, too. I am meeting up with my friend (and one of my former roommates) Emily, who I went to college with. She lives in the same city as me, but with her getting a double masters degree, and me working and staying busy in the evenings, we don't see each other much. We finally caught up online last week and planned a day for ourselves. We are going to meet up this afternoon for coffee, and then we are going to go see New Moon together. I am so, so, happy to be spending the afternoon with Emily. I honestly cannot wait, and I know I will have such a great time.

And that's it for now. Hope you are all having great long weekends. =)

trying to be thankful

It's a hard thing to do when you wake up Thanksgiving morning and find out you have been denied health insurance. My next step is to see if I can get on the insurance plan where I work. I have been there for 90 days, so I am eligible. It is also hard when you are having an off week. But here goes (in no particular order):

-I am thankful that Kate and Holly will be here for dinner tonight, and that we have festivities planned. They are having salmon, I am having steak. We will also have peas, rolls, mashed potatoes, and a sweet potato/lentil dish that Holly is bringing. For dessert we are baking apples. Lastly, nothing rounds out a good Thanksgiving dinner like a Zac Efron movie. (17 Again.)

-I am thankful for bad weeks. Because now I know just how great the good weeks are, and that it is totally okay to enjoy them as much as I have been. I know this is a long journey, and in the end, the bad weeks aren't going to define it. They are just something to learn from and get through as best you can.

-I am thankful for supportive friends, and for running. I am running another half marathon next year and I won't be doing it alone. Even if I come in dead last, knowing I have the support and strength of my friends to get me through is amazing.

-I am thankful for my family, especially my mom. I don't think there is anything more I can say about this one. They have helped me out time and time again, and I simply could not do this without their support.

-I am thankful for Trick, my hamster. Yes, he tries to bite me a lot. But he also entertains me with his antics, and that is a huge stress reliever. Also, he is really cute.

-I am thankful for the writers of all the blogs I follow, and everyone who leaves me comments. Seriously, I started crying yesterday reading all the comments on my blog that I wrote when everything felt like it was going wrong. Thank you for your kindness, your support, and your advice. You all are wonderful, and you are all such a help in this lifelong process. I love reading your entries every single day, even though I don't always comment... I want to do more of that. =)

And that's it for today. I have to clean the kitchen/dining room/living room before starting to get stuff ready for dinner. Luckily we are fairly neat and this job includes throwing away junk mail, sweeping the floors, loading the dishwasher, and mopping. Won't take too long at all, especially with some good tunes. I was planning on going out to Walmart at 4 AM tomorrow because I wanted a $9 copy of Star Trek. However, a friend pointed out that I can get it on Amazon for the same price. Even if shipping is a little extra, it's probably worth it to not get out of bed in the middle of the night and drive 10 miles. Oh, and I won't risk getting trampled.

So, my friends, Happy Thanksgiving, and if you are going out tomorrow morning, please be safe! (And have fun!)

This post is a pity party. Skip if not interested.

The reason I haven't blogged much this week is because I haven't been having a great week. I am really struggling bad with both my eating and exercise. It just doesn't seem to be clicking this week and I am totally puzzled and frustrated with myself. I have been eating things I really shouldn't, such as the two pieces of pumpkin pie I had last night. Even though everyone else had two pieces too, that doesn't mean that I had to. (There were 7 of us, we ate a whole pie. Granted, it was the best pie ever - we made it completely from scratch: crust, roasted a pumpkin, etc.) But none of those things should have influenced me to eat two pieces. I should have just had one and been able to stop. And I felt bad about that as soon as I finished the second slice. Argh.

What do you all do when you get into these slumps? What brings you out?

I am looking forward to my four day weekend. I'm hoping I can get some exercise in tomorrow before weigh-in on Friday. (Which is not going to be pretty, btw.)

I'm kind of bummed that Thanksgiving isn't going to be a big thing this year. Most of my friends are either going home or going elsewhere in the state with friends or relatives. There are like 3 of us who have no plans. Being that I am the only meat eater, I am not going to cook myself a turkey. I just really like Thanksgiving, and I'm sad that this is going to be the first year that is really super low-key. =(

Okay I have to go get ready for work now. Even though I'm going in early today, at least there are only going to be like 5 kids. And two of them will be going home early.

Running and other stuff.

I went running on my usual walking path today. I ran about 3 miles. It felt so good. And by felt so good, I mean it kind of hurt and was really hard!!! But I'm really happy I did it. I don't have any races lined up for the rest of this year - no turkey trot or Christmas race or anything like that.

However, last night at my friend Kiri's birthday party, she asked if I was planning on doing the Colfax Half Marathon again this year. We both did it last May along with a handful of other friends. For me at least, it was terrible. I had a really hard time finishing, and only finished about 15 minutes short of the cut off time. I was hurting really badly by 7 miles into it, and it took all that was in me to get to the finish. I want another go at it. So I told Kiri yes. She said she wanted to as well. Now, the nice thing about the Colfax Marathon/Half Marathon is that if you register early (before January 15th) you can register a friend for free. So Kiri is going to register herself for $50, then I will get the friend for free code, and register myself, and cut Kiri a check for $25 bucks. You simply cannot beat a $25 half marathon. That is a fantastically awesome deal. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to it, and I know that this year will be much better than how last year turned out.

Also at Kiri's party last night I got a nice handful of compliments on how good I looked and that everyone liked my bangs. So that was just really nice to hear, and a great confidence booster. It's funny about my bangs... they really do make me feel great about myself. Every time I look in a mirror or catch my reflection in a pane of glass, I feel happy, beautiful, powerful, confident. It is truly amazing what a great haircut can do.

And now for something completely different: Do you take vitamins? My mom suggested taking B Complex, and I just started and I loooooove it! I checked with the pharmacist at Target to make sure it was okay to take it with my prescriptions, she said it was fine. Even only taking it twice so far, I have a little more energy. The bottle says "Helps convert food into energy." Which can only be a good thing. There is also some Vitamin C in the ones that I bought, so I am sure that is good to get a little extra of as well. Anyway, do you take B Complex? Do you take other vitamins? What do you think?