Tuesday, July 27, 2010

kinda heartbroken

Health-wise, the worse possible news ever would probably be hearing that I could never ever run again.

The second worst news is hearing that I can't run for 6 weeks. I broke my toe this morning, and the doctor said running is the worst thing I could do, and I'm not allowed to even TRY until my toe feels 100% better and doesn't hurt at all.

Which means that I will not be able to run a full marathon this fall. I am really sad. I was planning the marathon for my 26th birthday and now I can't do it. I WILL run a marathon in my 26th year though, don't think I won't. As far as this fall... I know that Janel will keep me in shape even though I'll have to do some different exercises now. I am confident that I will be able to run the half marathon in October. But it really bums me out that I won't be ready for the full.


Monday, July 26, 2010

starting over

Starting over is hard. I am still not all the way back to my usual habits, but I'm getting there for sure. Today I weighed in at 215, which is 4.4 pounds down from last Saturday's 219.4. I am going in the right direction again, hooray! While it sucks having to lose weight that I've already lost once, I am just thanking God that I didn't gain back all 50 pounds. 20 is bad enough.

I am getting excited for this process again. I am excited to gain back my control, and it is happening just a little more every day. I am excited to reattain my weight in the 100's, especially since I know it will look different than the last time I was there, because I have been working so hard with Janel.

Speaking of working with Janel... I am loving the changes I can feel in my body. I feel stronger, especially my back and shoulders. My shoulders even look more defined, which is so cool! I am also noticing that I am gaining stamina. In my first session with Janel, "bicycles" were so incredibly hard. Last week, I did 2 sets and made it through each of them thinking, "Wow, okay, that wasn't so bad! I didn't even think about wanting to take a break!" I am so proud of that. My next goal is to be able to do a whole set of standard pushups. NO knees on the floor. I did ONE just now, so I know that I will soon be able to work up to doing several in a row, and then a whole set.

In other news, yesterday was our lease signing for the house I am living in! My new roommates came over and we met with our landlord and signed the new lease. I am so happy that 1) I don't have to move, and 2) That my new roommates are awesome. (That said, my current ones are awesome as well and I will miss them!)

Lastly, a question: Do any of you cook just for yourself? If you do, do you have any good cookbooks or websites for small recipes? I love my current cookbooks (Jillian's Master Cookbook, BL cookbook, some others that I have picked up at work), but most of them have recipes that serve 4 people. I don't mind occaisionally having leftovers or freezables, but I don't have a ton of fridge/freezer space either, since I'm sharing with 3 other people. Any resources y'all can give me would be much appreciated!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

triathalon...

My trainer, Janel, trains a group of women every summer to do triathalons. Some of the women in the group are going to be doing the marathon in October and asked her to get them ready for it, and Janel invited me along on their Saturday runs starting in August. Sure, why not, I said. Then she invited me to come to the barbeque the group was having after their triathalon on the 1st. Somehow, I get the feeling I am going to be doing a triathalon next summer... I have to say, I am getting more than just personal training sessions for the money I paid. It is so obvious that Janel really cares how I am doing and wants to help and include me in things that she knows I would like. That just feels really good.

Speaking of feeling good... thank you all so much for your comments on my previous entry. I can't tell you how much every one of them meant to me, and how some of them even made me cry a little. I would never be able to make it through this journey without you all alongside me. I may have fallen, but what got me up was the rest of you being so kind and helpful and supportive. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Today was the first day where I have felt really good about my food intake. I had some raisin bran, yogurt, and cranberry juice for breakfast. I had an Eating Right frozen meal for lunch, along with an apple and peanut butter and another yogurt. I had a whole fruit popsicle for an afternoon snack, and now I am about to have delicious veggie filled stir fry for dinner! I just got back from a 3.5 mile run, so it is going to taste extra good I think!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

embarrassed.

I'm sure you can all figure out why I haven't been weighing in, or posting as much. I have spent the last few weeks... months... out of control. I simply have forgotten how to say "no", how to plan ahead, how to make good decisions. I have been eating whatever the hell I want to.

And I can't do that. I just can't. I need to completely re-teach myself everything I learned last October when I first started this journey. It's really embarrassing. I feel terrible writing this. I weighed myself this evening, even though I said I wasn't going to. 219.

219.

I can't believe I let myself get to this point again. Guys, I need help. It's like I see a number I don't want on the scale... or one of my shirts starts to get tight again... and I panic. And when I panic, I eat.

One of the other big things I am having a problem with is taking my meds. I keep forgetting to take them, and it is really screwing with me. I feel so much better when I take them, and I really do think they help me make better decisions. So why can't I remember to take them? It's not like it's a hard thing to do.

I'm going to go now. I'm going to get some of my weight loss books out and read them while I do laundry tonight. I am going to prep for my long run tomorrow, and then tomorrow morning, I am going to do it. I am going to plan tonight what I am going to eat tomorrow, and I'm not going to let anything stop me from staying on track. And I'm not going to focus on anything beyond tomorrow. If I try that, it's going to send me right back into panic mode.

Help?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

2 weeks!!?!?!?!

Okay, it's been two weeks since I last updated. That is unacceptable. Although, I was very busy in the meantime...

This weekend I was in New York being a bridesmaid in a wedding for one of my very good college friends. It was incredibly fun, and a beautiful wedding, but I am still so exhausted from it all. The wedding, the traveling back and forth to the wedding, the not sleeping a lot because I was rooming with my college roommate at the hotel and we had lots of catching up to do. Excuses, excuses. Change of subject...

I went from January 4th 2009 to sometime in March with no soda and extremely little caffiene.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I'm starting again. It's something I have done before, and I know I can do it again. I have been drinking more of both lately, and I just plain don't like how it makes me feel. So no more soda or caffiene until after July 13th, 2011. If then, even.

Okay, well, it's off to work for me. I need to get some water and then settle down and get some work done. Hope you are all having a great Tuesday!