Saturday, October 31, 2009

waiting...

It is 11:21. I am trying to stay up until midnight so that I can start my NaNoWriMo. (Don't know what this is? It's all about writing a 50,000 word novel in a month. It's crazy, fun, and crazyfun. Check it out here.) Last year was my first year, and I won, which means I made it to the 50,000 mark. It was hard work, but one of the coolest things I've ever done. I really want to get at least a couple hundred words down tonight, just to say that I did... so this is me, trying to kill time and stay awake.

In other, health related news, yesterday and today were complete and utter crap. After all my positive self talk on Friday morning, I binged. Yesterday and today. It wasn't as bad as it was in the past. I'm not going to be the person that lists everything that I've had, so let's just say it wasn't good. I honestly could not stop myself. I hate feeling so damn out of control. I picked up a book on Thursday called "Crave: Why You Binge Eat, and How to Stop." I'm super excited to read this book. There are three types of eating disorders: anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and EDNOS - Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified. Currently, Binge Eating Disorder is classified as an EDNOS. Anyway, I've read the first few pages and they are interesting. I line up with a lot of the symptoms (qualities? habits? indicators?) of Binge Eating Disorder. It's really hard for me to admit this. I think maybe three people that I know in real life read this blog, but it's still hard to admit. I'm hoping this book will help me.

Sigh. I still have 22 minutes. But I am le tired.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Friday Stats... Bleh...

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 233.8

This Week's Weight: 233 (-.8)

Boo. I really wanted to lose more than that. So since I'm at an even 233, my goal for next week is to lose 3 pounds. I think it's doable. I just have to really watch my calories, especially at my birthday/Halloween party tomorrow night. I also need to get my exercise in - whether that be walking, or doing my pilates DVD. I've got to step it up.

This week for exercise:

Walking: 60 minutes
Walking through/playing in snow: 120 minutes

Let's go, new start for November.

(Total October Weight Loss: 17.3 pounds.)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The upside of blizzards.

SNOW DAY!!! It is an official snow day, and I have never been so happy I work for a school of sorts. My housemates went out to the front yard and measured, and apparently we have about 15 inches of snow so far. And it's STILL snowing! It really feels like Christmas.

My eating has not been great this week. And I know I can blame part of that on my birthday, because I gave myself the day off. I didn't go overboard, but I did eat two of the chocolate chip banana bread muffins that my housemates made for me.

I also have not done a ton of exercise. I did get a walk in on Monday. But then I worked two long days at work and didn't have the daylight to walk in. But today, hopefully, I'll get a good workout. My housemates and I are going adventuring into the snow for a true old fashioned snow day. We are going to walk (read: slog) over to the park and play in the snow. My housemates went yesterday and said the slides are so slippery they are practically dangerous. So slides, perhaps swings, snowball fights, forts, snow angels... if that's not a workout, I don't know what is. =)

Okay. Now that I've had my hot cocoa, I'm going to go join my housemates and start planning our day. Movies and hot drinks will of course be included after the snow adventure is complete.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Birthday Blizzard!!!

And by Blizzard, I do NOT mean a tasty ice cream treat from DQ. No, I mean real snow. Lots of it. It's been snowing all freaking day, and I am sooooo glad to be home!!! I even got to come home early once all the kids I was watching were picked up.

So anyway, today is my birthday! I'm 25. A quarter of a century old. It still seems a little crazy. Despite the blizzard, I've had a lovely birthday so far. I just got off Skype with my parents. They bought me a computer this summer which was both my birthday and Christmas present this year, and I am thrilled beyond words with my computer. But my mom had also gotten me something earlier in the summer. And it was a COACH PURSE!!!!!!!!! I have always wanted a Coach purse. It is slightly taller than it is wide, and has beautiful blue leather and a sparkly blue fabric stripe at the bottom of the bag. I am in love. I can't wait to move the contents of my old purse to my NEW purse!!! What a great birthday present! (Unlike this blizzard...) =)

Monday, October 26, 2009

I finally got to walk!

Yay for me, after a week of resting and trying to get better, I finally got to go out for a walk. It felt so good, even though freezing cold wind kept blowing in my face.

Today I got a birthday present in the mail! I promised not to open it though, until I was on Skype with my mom. Sigh. Not that I really want to open my present two days early. Guess I will just have to wait.

Tonight was supposed to be my depression class, but the leader of the group cancelled. Luckily I checked my email on my phone, or the other girl who was there and I would have been sitting around for awhile!

I don't have much to say this evening. I'm glad I can be active again and go for my walks. Now I'm going to go finish up watching Friday's Diet Tribe!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Not great... but not terrible, either.

So I didn't do such a great job this weekend. When we went out to dinner last night, it was to one of my favorite restaurants, Steuben's. Which is a funky diner that serves classic American food. I had a pulled pork sandwich and macaroni and cheese. Though, I did share the mac and cheese with Caroline in exchange for some green beans. And I had a beer, which was freaking delicious. I didn't make good choices there. But I didn't let myself get too down. Every day is a new day, and every meal is a new chance to make good choices.

Today I did alright, though I caved and ate two cookies and some hot cider after church with my friends Joy and Robin. Then we carved a socially just pumpkin. (Social justice was the theme of the after-church social, and then we had to carve our pumpkins in accordance with the theme.) Ours was pretty bad, but we had a really good time doing it and laughed a lot. I am meeting up with them super early on Saturday at 5 AM to go to our church for the 24 hour concert of prayer. We are taking a 5-6 AM shift and then going out to breakfast afterward.

I completely meant to go walking today. I also did 5 loads of laundry this weekend, and the one I was finishing early this afternoon had my Under Armor in it. I was watching a documentary on Netflix about Mt. Everest (I am obsessed with Mt. Everest, btw) and I fell asleep!!!!! For two hours!!!!!! Needless to say by the time I woke up I barely had enough time to shower and throw clean clothes on before I needed to be at church. I am extremely hopeful for getting out tomorrow morning though. This virus I have isn't totally gone, but I am feeling just a little better every day.

I am also contemplating talking to my doctor about changing up my depression meds. I feel like they have helped a little bit, but so far, I don't like the Prozac as much as I liked the Lexapro I had a couple years ago. I know I can't get Lexapro with Kaiser, but I'm hoping there is another option that might work better. I'll probably try to get in this week or maybe next week.

So anyway, that was my weekend. Now I am laying in bed watching/listening to the live U2 concert stream on YouTube. So very cool. It's a beautiful day.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

i heart my mom

My mom is the greatest. We were trying to Skype right now but her video chat wasn't working. Mine was, so she could see me. But she was busy (the chimney cleaners were coming), so we set up a time this afternoon to actually chat.

Anyway, before she logged off, she said "You look good!" Aww. Thanks, Mom! Even if she doesn't know I'm doing this (heck, maybe she does!) it is so nice to hear such a wonderful comment. I was feeling very down after last night, and that was such a pick me up.

Today I am going grocery shopping, and then coming back and trying to squeeze in a walk before my Skype date with my mom. Then my housemate Kate's mom is in town, and she is taking all of us out to dinner! How sweet is that? I haven't been out to eat since starting this journey, so I'm excited to go and make a healthy choice tonight.

Friday, October 23, 2009

really struggling tonight

I had wondered when a night like tonight was going to happen. I am so frustrated that I swear I could just burst into tears at any moment. It's not because I'm not losing weight. It's not because I'm not pleased with my progress and excited about this journey.

It's because I want with all of my being to BINGE. I wandered around Target for half an hour talking myself into and out of really high calorie food that I know would cause me to binge. I would love to eat a bag of Pizza Goldfish. Or a box of donuts covered in powdered sugar. Or half a pizza. Or a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Or all of that, for dinner.

I think the day started going downhill when I forgot to say DECAF at Starbucks. I remembered to say non-fat, but decaf slipped my mind. I haven't had that much caffeine since January. I gave up soda and caffeine cold turkey, because my brother had, and I really admired that. He eventually went back to drinking caffeine. I did not. Because I am an addict. No joke, I could drink 4 or 5 Diet Cokes in a day. More if I could have afforded it. So it was great for me and my body when I quit. I felt better, I was saving money. And the only reason it worked to go cold turkey is because I am damn stubborn. Anyway, back to today. I had a grande non-fat Pumpkin Spice latte. With caffeine. I'm still kicking myself. Not because I drank it, I mean, it was an honest mistake, and it's not like I'm worried about ruining a streak. No. It's because that caffeine messed with me all day. I had a ton of energy, and I honestly didn't like the feeling. I like my normal amount of energy, thank you very much.

I really think the caffeine did something to my brain, and that is why I want to binge so bad tonight. I am a caffeine addict, and I don't think I'll ever go back to drinking it, or drinking soda. It's just not good for me. And after today, I doubt I'll forget to say DECAF ever, ever again.

I guess I just feel so out of control right now, and I don't like that. I don't want to want to binge. But that's what I'm feeling. It's scary.

There were good things that happened today. My brother's girlfriend started working with me. It was soooo nice to see her and chat for a few minutes. I'm really looking forward to having her just next door to me!

I also went to Old Navy after work and bought a new pair of jeans. Jeans without a number "2" in the size. That's right, I got a pair of 18s. Oh. My. Gosh. I cannot *quite* fit them comfortably. I can zip them up, but there is still a bit of the muffin top effect. But when my 20s nearly fell off in my classroom today (I kid you not!), I knew I had to go get some new pants. If they are a little tight now, they won't be in a week or two. I also got two shirts, because they were super cheap, and really cute.

At Target, I ended up getting a Lean Cuisine pizza and a package of gnocchi. I did not buy Goldfish, or regular pizza, or the most giant box of Junior Mints EVER. I did not buy a bag of chips or a box of donuts. Why? Because like I said, I'm damn stubborn. I had to fight myself every step of the way though. I came home, and made gnocchi with pasta sauce, and had some of a salad that my housemate Kate had made. I measured my pasta and the sauce and ate an appropriate amount. Then I had a fudgesicle for dessert. I'm saving the pizza for when the craving comes back.

I really think I should talk to my housemates about this apparent need of mine to binge. My housemates are amazing, I trust them completely, and we have created a really safe living environment. I know they would take me seriously and look out for me. And that would be a really great support to have.

Sorry this is so crazy long, and that it's a bit of a downer for an otherwise wonderful Friday night. But I had to get it out somewhere.

Official Friday Stats!

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 235.8

This Week's Weight: 233.8 (-2)

Total lost so far: 16.5 pounds.

Exercise Minutes: BIG FAT ZERO.

I didn't do a thing this week. I woke up every morning feeling terrible, with a sore throat and sometimes a headache, and absolutely no energy whatsoever. The only thing I did this week was watch my calories - and look, I lost 2 POUNDS!!!!! How amazing. I am very pleased with 2 pounds. Also, it puts me over the 15 pound mark, so I can go get a new badge from the HYC.

Today I woke up and my throat was not quite as bad as it was yesterday. I'm hoping that this means that I'm getting better, and will be able to get back to my regular routine. If tomorrow goes as planned, I'm hoping I can get in a walk, maybe in the afternoon, when I tend to have more energy.

I hope you are all having great weeks!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Pics from Wicked!



Me and Holly at Wicked on Tuesday! I'm on the left, Hol's on the right.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

randomosity

Wicked was amazing last night. It made me want to be working back in the theater again. (I was a stage manager or assistant stage manager for 3 years in college for our opera program.) I really miss being backstage. I honestly would love to get back into theater, but I don't really have the time or skills or contacts that I need to have. It would be really fun to work in a theater.

I am still feeling sick. Thanks ever so much, post-nasal drip and sore throat.

Not looking forward to my weigh in on Friday. I need to buckle down tomorrow and really keep track of my calories, since I'm not really exercising this week.

It snowed a lot today. Thus, our house is freezing. Luckily we are winterizing soon!

I have discovered that The Biggest Loser on Hulu is one week behind the show on TV. So last week's episode didn't get on the site until last night. That is LAME. Every other show is online by the next day, usually.

Yeah, I think that's all. Sorry I don't have any actual news. I'm just really struggling this week trying to stay on track, and also trying to get enough rest so that my body can get over this virus.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I feel terrible.

I have not walked this week, even though it was my goal to walk 4 times. I wake up every morning completely congested with a ridiculous sore throat, and I'm always still tired. Whatever this is that I have, it needs to go away. I feel like I am a zombie!!!

I have been trying to at least stay on track with my eating. It has not been easy. For some reason, when I am sick, I crave bad things. Perhaps it's the whole concept of comfort food. Breakfast and lunches have been okay, but dinners do me in. I come home from work and eat the first thing I see. Last night it was pizza... not a good choice. Not even very good pizza.

On a more positive note, I am going to see Wicked tonight with my friend Holly! We bought our tickets over a month ago, and I have been anticipating this night since then. She has not seen it, but I have seen it 3 times and it's one of my absolute favorite shows. I am going up to her house after work, and she is going to prepare us a quick dinner. Then we are going to get dressed in fancy dresses and go to the show! I'm going to try to get her to take pics so that I can post one here. Anyway, knowing that I get to see Wicked tonight is what is going to get me through this day. Yay. =)


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Goals

I have been thinking about goals a lot lately. I think it helps to have something to aim for, but I completely believe that it can also be very overwhelming. Yes, my major goal is to lose at least 100 pounds. That's a lot of weight! And if it's all I'm focusing on, I'm going to get frustrated and disheartened. So I decided to create a few smaller goals every so often... here are the ones I thought of today.

1. I would like to lose a total of 30 pounds by the time I go home for Christmas. This leaves me pretty much until Christmas to get this done. (I'll go home the 23rd or 24th.) Currently, I have lost 14.4 pounds. That leaves 15.6 pounds. What I've lost so far I've done in about 2 and a half weeks. I think it will take a lot longer than that to lose the next 15 pounds. I'm expecting my weight loss to slow down and eventually stabilize at a pound or two a week. I think reaching 220 is a reasonable goal for the next two months.

2. When I reach 230 pounds, I will get my hair cut. I've been contemplating it, and I have decided I definitely want to do it. It won't be a huge hair cut... like a couple inches maybe. With layers. But it's something fun and concrete to work towards.

I think that is all I have for now. Once I reach these goals, I will think of some new ones. I have to remind myself to take this a day at a time. So far, it's working pretty well. Now, I am off to pack a lunch and go back to work!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Official Friday Stats

Yep, it's that time again! Here goes...

Starting weight: 250.3
Last week's weight: 240.2

THIS week's weight: 235.8 (-4.4)

So hey, that is awesome! I am really happy with that, especially since I am both on my period AND sick with whatever this is. (Nurse said it was a virus, I could have it for 6 to 8 weeks... uh, no thanks!) Yay for 4.4 pounds! I only need .6 of a pound more to get to 15 pounds lost. Pretty sure I will get that this week. =)


Walking minutes: 175
Milage: 8.85 miles

I only went walking three times. This needs to improve to at least 5 times a week. I'm not about drastic changes all at once, so my goal this week is to go walking at least 4 times. I can certainly overshoot that and go for 5 or 6, but as long as I get 4, I will be happy.

So those are the stats this week, folks. I have felt like crap most of this week, and even gave in to a few temptations, like the candy at the training last night. But I didn't binge on anything. That is still my biggest achievement since starting this process - I have not eaten a whole bag/tub/carton/package of anything in more than two weeks! That is huge for me. I am really proud of myself.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Lamesauce. And cheesecake.

I feel terrible. My throat feels like sandpaper. I'm congested. And I have cramps. (And with cramps and my period comes mad cravings for things I should not be eating.)

I didn't go for my walk this morning. I woke up and just wanted to curl up and die. I felt so terrible. So I stayed in and watched two episodes of Castle and last night's episode of Glee. I feel like such a slacker.

Then I had work. It was fine, apart from feeling like crap all day. After work I had to go to child abuse training and learn about child abuse and how to report it. Luckily some of my work friends were there too and we sat together. (Yay! I have work friends!) Unluckily the tables were covered in candy. I ate 5 pieces. Which is better than 10, but still not good, especially with a weigh-in tomorrow morning. Then I came home and ate homemade pizza with my housemates. I did NOT eat the cheesecake or drink any wine though, so at least I have that to be proud of. Watching my (skinny) housemates eat cheesecake though, was one of the hardest things ever. So not fair, haha.

I can console myself even more by reminding myself that it was store brand cheesecake. If I'm going to eat cheesecake, I'm gonna do it right and go to The Cheesecake Factory and get Tiramisu Cheesecake. That stuff is so good. It probably has all my calories for a whole day in it, too! (Research shows: 798!!!! So, closer to half a day, I guess.)

Okay, I'm done obsessing about cheesecake. (But really, isn't it SO GOOD!!??!)

Now I'm going to lay around some more and watch stuff on my computer. Like more Castle. (I heart Nathan Fillion!) Or maybe the first disk of TrueBlood that I got in the mail today. (Thanks Netflix!) Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better, or at least more able to haul myself out of bed and go for my walk...


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

ouch!

I think my sinus infection came back! I got sick about a month ago with a cold, and just as the cold was starting to go away, BAM I get sick again with a nasty sinus infection. Last Wednesday, one week ago today, I finished my course of antibiotics for the infection. But now my throat hurts again, and I have all the other gross symptoms that I won't bore you with. I was just getting better, too! I will be really sad if I have to go back on stronger antibiotics. Last time I had this happen, they put me on Augmentin and it kicked my ass. That stuff is hardcore.

I still went out for my walk today. At least one of my housemates has noticed that I go pretty much every day. It was just nice that someone noticed what I'm doing.

Today I'm calling my insurance agent and getting some CO car insurance, working, and then getting CPR and First Aid trained after work. Long day ahead of me...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Rude Awakening

I had set my alarm for 7 this morning so I could wake up slowly, poke around online for awhile, and then go for my walk. Imagine my surprise when my phone rings at 6 AM!!! YIKES! It was my boss. She called to ask if I could come in early. I said yes, but not til 9. (She wanted 8:30, I said I had stuff to do.) We agreed, and she said she'd call back if anything changed.

Since I was already awake, I was darned if I was going to skip my walk just because I had to go into work early. I got up, dressed, and out of the house while it was still dark out! That is so unlike me, I am not a morning person. But I guess the fact that I am now a walking person overrides the desire to not see the sun rise. As it turns out, it was actually a lovely walk. The only difference was that I only walked 40 minutes instead of my usual hour. I might try to go out earlier more often, there was a little less traffic, which was nice.

I got back to the house, showered, dressed, and was checking my email when my housemate comes downstairs asking if I'm going walking today. I said yep, I am already back and showered! She was shocked - like I said, I'm not so much the morning person, haha. Anyway, she left on her run, I threw together a lunch and hit the road.

I get to work at 9 only to find out that I'm actually not needed. My boss forgot to call me back and tell me. Grrrrrr. I was a little ticked off. But the day ended up being fine. I got an extra 1.5 hours of work in, and I can always use a little extra money. Luckily I'm back to my regular 11 start tomorrow, so I can have my full hour long walk!

My dinner tonight was amazing. I had half a can of Light Campbell's soup and a tuna/tomato melt on half a bagel. I am taking the other half of the can of soup and a tuna/tomato/lettuce wrap for my lunch tomorrow. It felt really good to have a delicious, filling, and healthy dinner, and to also knock out making lunch for tomorrow! I love saving time in the morning!

Okay, now it is time for The Biggest Loser. Not as good as Diet Tribe, but entertaining nonetheless.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Pants

ACKKK it has been not quite two weeks and already my pants are looser! Like, I'm going to have to start washing my jeans after one use so that they shrink, hahaha. And I'm right at the point that my so-called "skinny" jeans are still just a tad too snug. It's a great way to see progress off the scale, but darn it, I'm not made of money! LOL.

Before I write the following paragraph, I must make one thing clear. I am eating better and exercising because I WANT TO. I want to be healthier. I want to have more energy and endurance. I want to feel great about myself.

Now.

One of the things that excites me the most about losing weight is looking forward to seeing my mom's face when she picks me up at the airport at Christmas. I haven't told her that I'm doing this, but I also know that she can see this blog. It is not hidden, and it took the place of the blog I used to have on this site, which I deleted. I know she could read the other one, so it's very likely she can read this one too. (Mom, if you are reading this, let me know! Facebook, email, Skype, whatever!) But if she isn't... she is going to be SO SURPRISED. I am so bad at keeping secrets, but this one is epic.

The other thing that makes me work so much harder than I might normally? The idea of buying jeans at a regular store. Like American Eagle. How much would I LOVE to shop at AE? A hell of a lot. I'd also love to buy a bra at Victoria's Secret. Thanks to my breast reduction almost two years ago, I can fit a cup size there... but their band sizes are still too small.

These are things that keep me into this whole process when I feel like throwing everything out the window and eating a bag of donuts. Or devouring hummus on bagel chips. Or eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

I'd much rather have the clothes.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Music

I don't really have anything new to report on today. I ate well. I stayed inside all day because Sunday is my designated rest day. I cleaned the kitchen, and my hamster's cage. I went to church. Good, basic Sunday all the way around.

I also updated my exercise playlist. It is kind of random. Some songs are chosen for their upbeat tempo, some for their lyrics. Some for both. With no further ado, here's my list... feel free to leave a comment with your own favorites - I'm always looking for new music!!!

1. Never Gonna Get It - Akon, Sean Biggs, and Topic
2. Don't Stop Believin' - Journey (Though the GLEE version is amazing as well...)
3. Chase This Light - Jimmy Eat World
4. New Soul - Yael Naim
5. Burn This City - Cartel
6. Good - Dakona
7. Awesome God - Kirk Franklin (The ONLY version of this song I can stand. AWESOME.)
8. You're an Ocean - Fastball
9. High of 75 - Relient K
10. Move Along - All American Rejects
11. OK, It's Alright With Me - Eric Hutchinson
12. I'm Alive - Celine Dion
13. Hey Julie - Fountains of Wayne
14. Ignition - Toby Mac
15. Livin' on a Prayer - Stellar Kart
16. Viva la Vida - Coldplay
17. I Like That You Can't Take That Away From Me - Take the Lead Soundtrack (Great mashup!)
18. Underdog - Audio Adrenaline
19. No Ordinary Love - Toby Mac
20. Burn Out Bright - Switchfoot
21. Wannabe - Spice Girls
22. Feel It - Black Eyed Peas
23. Fade Away - Celine Dion
24. I Want You - Savage Garden
25. Breakout - Miley Cyrus (Yeah, I know.)

What are your favorite work out songs?

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sooooo cold!

I woke up to snow this morning. I don't mind snow... but snow in mid October seems a bit extreme. I spent the morning finishing up a book I was reading and then went to the store to buy some supplement groceries just for me. I stocked up on: tuna fish, Dannon Light'n'Fit yogurt, whole wheat tortillas, low-cal Campbell's soups, tea, and hot chocolate. I love chocolate, and it's one of the hardest things for me to resist. For the past few days, there has been a chocolate cake in our fridge that I have been refusing to eat. But it is soooooo tempting! So I caved and got a canister of hot chocolate. It's 80 calories for a serving, and even though it is store brand, it tastes delicious. So now I can get my chocolate fix every few days without feeling guilty or bingeing!

After the store, I made a tuna wrap a la last night's Diet Tribe, but I added tomato and lettuce and left out the apple. I ate half of it, then put the rest in my fridge and went for my walk. I was dreading walking in the cold, but it turns out it wasn't that bad. I went 4 miles today and did a loop around the lake in city park - so pretty! Thank goodness for Under Armor though. That was pretty much the best investment ever. I got it two years ago and it's still like new, and is wonderful for keeping the heat in and the cold out. Love the stuff.

Then I showered (hot shower after a freezing walk is the BEST!) and watched my Netflix for the day, Wolverine. Oh Hugh Jackman, you are so sexy.

Next up is finding something for dinner, and my friend Holly dropping by to visit!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Official Friday Stats!

Woohoo, the first complete week of official Friday stats. As I said last night, I did weigh myself last night, mostly because I was so pumped with my purchase of a scale. I posted that number (242), but here is today's official (post-peeing, thanks Monica!) weight:

Starting Weight: 250.3
Today's Weight: 240.2

That's a 10.1 pound loss, my friends. I am seriously amazed. Like, I am too in awe to even use exclamation points. That's a lot of awe.

My weight is now what it says on my driver's license. Hahaha. I fudged it a little bit when I got it a few months ago, but now I am not a liar!

The rest of the stats:

Walking Minutes: 120
Milage: 6.3

Hiking Minutes: 180
Milage: 4

I'm loving the idea of doing my weigh-ins on Friday. It will be a good motivator to get me though the weekend, which is the toughest time for me. I always want to go out to eat. But I've been enjoying expanding my cooking horizons a bit, and I am looking forward to cooking some healthy stuff for my housemates. Speaking of cooking, when I bought my scale yesterday, I also bought a cheap little kitchen scale. It only goes up to a pound, but mostly what I wanted it for was to weigh meat, and obviously I'll never be eating a pound of meat, haha. It was only 5 bucks, and not very pretty, so I'm sure I will upgrade in the future. But for now it will work fine.

Okay, off to change and go for my walk! I'm extra motivated now! Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I cannot argue with results.

Okay. So it's been a week yesterday that I started trying to eat better and get more exercise. I was going to just weigh myself at work tomorrow, but I decided I just didn't want to weigh myself in the locker rooms. I still have a fear of other people seeing me, I guess. Weird.

Anywho, I caved and bought a scale today. It was pretty cheap (about $20), but the reviews on Amazon and the Target website were good, so I went with it. I've kind of been wondering if any of this is working. I do find that I've got a bit more energy. I've also noticed something weird - now that I'm eating healthier foods, it takes me a lot longer to eat my meal. Like, yesterday's lunch took me my whole half hour break!!! And it was only a yogurt, an apple, a carrot with hummus and a granola bar.

I am not going to post my *official* weight until tomorrow. But when I weighed myself this evening, my weight was 242. That's 8 FREAKING POUNDS!!! less than what it was at the doctor's office two weeks ago. Brilliant. I am fully aware that weight fluctuates, so if my scale says a higher number in the morning, so be it. It still won't be 250.3. Ever again.

I had started to slip these past few days, just wondering and worrying if this was all working and worth it. It so, so, so is. It's worth it. It's working. I am re-inspired! And I can't wait to go for my walk tomorrow morning, even if it is going to be freezing cold. Nothing can stop me... except freezing rain. I don't do that. =)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

And this is where forgiveness comes in...

I did not have a great day today. I woke up completely exhausted and sore, even though I have done nothing strenuous since Saturday. Just another lovely side affect of depression. So I didn't go for my walk.

I had a decent breakfast (cereal, which I measured!), and a good lunch (yogurt, apple, half a banana). I had some of the kids' cinnamon graham crackers for a snack, because I was hungry. It wasn't bad, calorie wise. (Less than 2oo, anyway.) Oh I forgot, I also had some reduced fat blueberry cake from Starbucks. (Yikes, 320 calories. Bad choice.) Then I came home and had quinoa lasagna and broccoli with my housemates. Freaking delicious. Because it was covered in cheese. Ack. Then I had maybe half a cup of frozen yogurt.

Okay, so not a terrible day. I didn't binge on anything. I made some good choices. I made some bad choices. So I'm forgiving myself, and starting over fresh tomorrow.

It's been about a week since I started this new eating and exercise plan. I'm weighing myself for the first time on Friday. I don't know what the scale will say, but I did notice that today at work, I had to hike up my pants FAR more times than I ever had to do before. It was probably a combo of the jeans being a little stretched out, and maybe just a tiny bit more room in there. At least that's what I hope it was. I'm working on stretching out my "skinny" jeans right now, so hopefully I can wear a pair of pants tomorrow that don't want to fall off. Haha.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Multitasking.

And by multitasking I mean watching the first episode of the new season of Diet Tribe and blogging. They did a little bit with food in this episode, so that was awesome.

I have decided I need a kitchen scale. And also, how CUTE is Jessie!?!?!

Dinner last night didn't work out. I had a bowl of cereal and an apple with peanut butter. So, not bad, but not what I planned. It was for a decent reason though - I hung out at a bar/restaurant with a lot of people from my church. I didn't eat or drink anything, but had a really good time just meeting people and chatting. I have not been able to get involved in my church much before this, so it was just really nice to finally be social!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Random happenings

I feel a little bit bad that it is 3 PM and I am still sitting in bed in my PJs. I feel like an old lady today, I'm still stiff from hiking yesterday! I guess that is to be expected, it was a fairly intense hike, at least for me. I'm proud that I finished the whole thing, and I don't mind a little soreness because of that.

I spent the morning and part of the afternoon watching the first season of Diet Tribe on www.mylifetime.com. It was way awesome! I really enjoyed it, and I really liked that it seemed like a much healthier plan than the crazy stuff they do on The Biggest Loser (which I watch on www.hulu.com). The only thing I would have changed was to see more about their diet. I really enjoyed all the workouts, and the different challenges they had, and I also liked the fact that they are working with a therapist as well. But yeah, I would have liked to see them get cooking lessons, and tips, and such.

Even though I've been laying in bed all day doing nothing, I still feel rather accomplished for the day. I had 2 scrambled eggs, a piece of peanut butter toast, and orange juice for breakfast. For lunch I had 5 decent sized strawberries, an apple, a Dannon Light & Fit yogurt, and about a quarter cup of granola in the yogurt. I'm really happy with these choices! While making lunch, I got a chicken breast out of the freezer to thaw for dinner. I'll probably bake it or something when I get home from church around 7:30. And I still need veggies for today, so maybe some broccoli and carrots. And I'll also be cooking up some quinoa. That sounds like a good dinner, right???

In un-health related news, I got a hamster two weeks ago. He is so very cute. His name is Trick, and he is very active, curious, and loves to climb up to the top of his cage. But I have been having a hard time trying to train him not to bite me when I go to get him out. I have spent a lot of time bribing him with apples, cheese, and scrambled eggs (he loves all three, as do I...), to get him to not be afraid of me. I think our hard work is finally paying off. Today he walked onto my hand without even trying to scratch at me or bite! He was still very tentative, and it took him 20 seconds or so to decide to do it, but he did! I praised him, petted him gently, and then put him back. We will keep working, and I know that eventually he will be hopping into my hand and not getting scared at all! This just made me really happy, so I had to post it. =)

I need to get some stuff done before church at 6 tonight. Mostly I need to shower, and also do some laundry. I keep putting laundry off, because I wear jeans and a scrub top to work at the Y, so I don't go through clothes as fast as I used to. But it's now getting to the point where I really need to do the laundry. All of it. And then I need to fold it and put it away in my dresser. (Yes, I really am this bad at doing laundry... definitely one of my least favorite chores...)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Hiking! And food!

I love hiking, but I have to admit something. I am truly terrible at it. How can that be, you ask? Isn't it just walking? Well, sort of. It's the uphills that do me in. I get very short of breath and have to take a lot of breaks. I know, it doesn't sound like too much fun. But the very reason I love hiking so much is because it is such an incredible challenge. I love a good challenge. Today's hike was beautiful, it was a 4 mile round trip to a small waterfall and back. Some of the trees were changing color, and it was a very scenic hike, what with large outcroppings of rocks. And chipmunks.

One of the most badass things you can do here in Colorado is climb a 14er. (That's a 14,000 foot mountain.) It is a big point of pride to be able to say "Oh yeah, I climbed a 14er this weekend..." or to boast about how many/what difficult ones you've done. I have climbed on two so far, but didn't summit either. I really hope that with continued smaller hikes, building up my stamina, and losing some weight will help me do better in the spring or summer. Because on 14ers, not only are you doing battle by walking uphill for a couple hours, you also have to deal with the elevation, and having a bit less oxygen available. But anyway, that's one of my goals. That and running a full marathon, though I'll probably just stick to another half this spring.

After coming home, I ate a plate of fries for dinner. I do not feel one ounce of regret, for these were quite delicious sweet potato fries baked in my oven. With cinnamon and paprika. Odd combo, but it tasted pretty darn yummy.

My plans for tonight include snuggling underneath my covers all night and working on my resume, cover letter, and application for a job. I know, so exciting Saturday night, right? Ah well, such is my life. Happy weekend!

Grocery time!

In my house of 4 girls, I am the grocery shopper. I love grocery shopping, it is so weird, but it is one of my favorite activities of the week! We do shared groceries, each putting in $80 a month, so we spend $80 a week on groceries for four people. All four of us spent last year doing and AmeriCorps program in which we had an even smaller food budget, so we know how to get the most out of our money. The nice thing about being the grocery shopper is that I get to pick out whatever I want! I know what the rest of the girls like, and I accommodate them as well. But if I want to get a different kind of fruit, or more vegetables, or whole wheat pasta... it's totally up to me! Today is grocery day, so I need to get going. I'm excited to buy some sweet potatoes - both for sweet potato enchiladas (OMG SO GOOD!!!), and also just to have for eating/snacking.

Then this afternoon, the four of us, plus Suzanne, are going hiking. Yay, fun times in the Colorado mountains.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday Stats

I arbitrarily decided to pick Friday for the day that I post my stats for the week. Normally, this will be an evening post. However, since I just started eating better and exercising two days ago, I'm not going to expect any sort of weight change, and will wait for next week to do my first official weigh in.

Weight: We'll stay with 250.
Exercise minutes: 120, walking
Milage: 6.3 miles

Hmm, what other stats should I post? I guess for now this will be it. Once I start incorporating different kinds of exercise, it might be more interesting...

ETA: I think peanut butter toast is my new best friend. What a great addition to scrambled eggs and OJ for an after walk breakfast...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What a long day.

Today I worked from 8:30 until 6. In childcare, that amount of time feels like a lifetime. I thought the day would never end!!! Since I went to work so early, I didn't have time in the morning to go for a walk. I feel like I was busy enough at work that I didn't need to though, haha. However, I am really looking forward to going out tomorrow morning. I know that I'll be tired, but I can already feel that it will be a good time to get the kinks out of my body. Then on Saturday I'm going hiking with my housemate Caroline and some of her friends. (SO glad I live in Colorado!!!) My eating today was good. Breakfast and lunch were pretty much perfect (and perfectly delicious and healthy!), but by the time dinner rolled around I was starving. We had a house dinner tonight and invited one of our housemates from last year, Suzanne, over to share it with us. We had my family's homemade macaroni and cheese, salad, and rolls. I had a little too much mac and cheese, though. I feel a little... overly full. But I guess that's all a part of learning, right?

I want to use these first entries to do a little bit of backstory. I forgot where I wanted to start though!! I guess I'll start as close to the beginning as I can. Like I said in my first entry, I have spent most of my life as overweight or obese. However, I have also been a fairly confident, outgoing person. I don't let my weight stop me from doing what I want or what I love. Example: Running, particularly half marathons. It was hard work both times, but I also finished both times. I'm really proud of myself for that, and had a lot of fun running the races. I love hiking. I've hiked on two Colorado 14ers, but haven't managed to summit one yet. That is a goal for next summer, though.

One of the things I struggle with most is depression (and occasional anxiety). Currently, I'm on meds. When I'm on my meds, I feel normal, and quite silly for taking them. I feel like I don't need them. But then, when I go off, I feel terrible and depressed again. So I know there is a reason that I'm on them. This month is my third month of the Prozac, and I am finally starting to feel the energy and passion to exercise again, which is awesome. My depression manifests itself by making me want to just curl up in a ball in bed and read fantasy novels all day. I could care less what is happening in the outside world, seeing my friends, doing anything that I enjoy. I don't really get sad, and I think that confuses my doctors. But it is not normal for me to want to cut myself off from everyone, and that is why I went back on my meds. I am a much happier and content person with them. I have also not had a panic attack in three months. Hooray! Depression is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, just like my health is. Now that I am getting better at managing my depression, I have a much better chance of succeeding at managing my health.

Well, I think that is enough for tonight. More backstory and perhaps more finalized weekend plans to come tomorrow. For tonight, I'm going to keep looking for healthy recipes online (please, if you know where they are, point me in the right direction!), do some laundry, watch my Netflix movie, and if I'm feeling really crazy, make myself a cup of tea.

Happy October, everyone!