let's try this again...

catching up

2012-02-18T11:40:00.002-07:00

Hey everyone!

I meant to post more this week and I just didn't get around to it. Especially yesterday... weigh in day. Let's just say, I had a couple bad days this week, and I was up a little. However, I weighed in again this morning and was slightly lower than last week's weigh in. I decided that I will wait and weigh in on Monday. By then, it will be a more accurate, and hopefully lower, number.

Made a cheese quesadilla this morning and then headed out the door to spin class. I never ever ever thought I would love spinning as much as I do. It is SO much fun. We had a little glitch in class today, the music system decided to quit halfway through. The majority of us decided to stay though, and our instructor did a great job making the rest of the class just as fun and maybe even more difficult than the first half. Signed up for next week's class while I was there. But hopefully I'll get to the gym again before next Saturday.

I am always jealous of the people who sweat so much they leave puddles on the floor. It's gross, to be sure. But you can tell they were working hard. And I work so hard, and I can never do that. However, when I get in my car to go home and lean back... yep, I can feel that my shirt is soaked. The sweat just never made it to the floor, hahaha. I really don't know what the point to this story is. I like sweating?

Agenda for the rest of the day is LAUNDRY (my least favorite chore... ugh), tidy up my room after laundry, grocery shop, a quick pit stop at Bed Bath and BEYONNNNDDD for something that will make my sheets stay on my bed and not slide off, aanndd catch up on my hulu shows while I do my chores.

I suppose I better shower first. But then it is off to tackle the rest of the day. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

(P.S. Anyone else have a 3-day weekend? LOVE government days off.)

spinning and pancakes

2012-02-11T12:54:00.004-07:00

Got up a little early (okay, like 8:30 - early for a Saturday) and made it to the gym just after 9 to sign up for the 10 AM spin class. I also signed up for next week's class, so I don't have to come an hour early. Since I had an hour to kill I went over to Target and grabbed a water bottle and some towels... for some reason I could not find either of my regular workout towels. Oh well... now I have 2 new ones to add to the rotation.

My housemates got to the gym just before 10. Mike went to go do who knows what, and Suzanne came to class with me. It was SO GREAT to be back in spin class. Since it was the first time I've done it since November, it did hurt a little, but it wasn't completely unbearable. Once we were about 20 minutes in the endorphins kicked in and I felt AWESOME! So glad I got up and went this morning. It was totally worth it. It's also great knowing that I got my workout out of the way first thing.

With such a great burn, I could afford (calorically) to come home and splurge a little. I made half a batch of blueberry pancakes and topped them with peanut butter, and a syrup that I made. I had a ton of blueberries, so what I didn't put in the pancakes, I threw in a small pot, and added a snack sized cup of Dole Pears in pear juice. Then I just brought it all to a boil and let it cook down. It was SERIOUSLY tasty... here is a picture:

(not pictured: 2 pancakes that made up the rest of the batch)

The rest of the day... I am hopefully going to get some laundry done, and then I am babysitting tonight for my former personal trainer's kids. One is 9 or 10, and the other is just a baby... so that will be super fun.

How's Saturday going for y'all? Any good workouts planned - or done?

weigh in and blog cleanup

2012-02-10T16:35:00.002-07:00

Hi friends! Greta (my cat) is sitting on my lap and helping me write this. So far I have had to fix 3 typos she made.

First, let's get to the weigh in! This morning I was 255.8, which is 4.4 pounds down from 260.2 on Monday. AWESOME! Not even a whole week, and 4.4 pounds gone. I will take it, and look forward to next Friday, when I will have lost even more.

I am working on cleaning up the blog. It's kind of dusty over here. I just finished the "Progress" tab and I did the "Good Reads" the other day. I will probably get myself a new background or something soon, just to really put in place the fresh start.

For now, I am going to get ready for the gym. My housemates Mike and Suzanne have 3 day passes to 24 Hour Fitness, so we are all going to the gym together. FUN! I hope they get memberships - it would be sooooo much fun to have people to go with regularly.

I hope you are all having a great Friday!

kind of a weird day (overly emotional drama warning)

2012-02-07T20:49:00.003-07:00

It's been interesting, to say the least.

First, in terms of energy, it's been pretty good! I didn't get to the gym, but I'm not worried about that. I've decided not to beat myself up about that anymore. I'm still kind of recovering from whatever this sickness is that I've had since November, and I honestly don't think more rest is going to hurt me at this point. For now, I'm just working hard on sticking to my calorie goals. The gym isn't going anywhere.

What made today more interesting is that I decided (with the help of some MFP friends) to email a friend of mine that I haven't really talked to in a couple months. He had been one of my closest friends in Denver. He started dating a mutual friend of ours... which hurt, because right before he started dating her, I had told him I was interested in him. Looking back, I think they were together before I told him - which sucks even more. Anyway. The first couple months of them dating was fine. We still hung out, though maybe not as often.

But in the past 8 weeks or so... I have hardly heard from him at all. I saw him on Christmas Eve and we didn't get much of a chance to talk - and that's it. We went from talking every day on Gchat to not talking at all, and I have felt so, so lonely and hurt because of that. I have lots of other friends, but to have one that you were so close to just stop talking to you altogether... I feel kind of like our friendship was broken up.

So I sent him an email today just saying "Hey. We haven't talked in like 2 months. What's up with that?" He replied and made an excuse about work and asked how I was. I wrote back a little bit about what has been going on with me (just general stuff) and then asked if he wanted to grab coffee before or after church sometime. He hasn't answered that one yet.

Anyway - somehow, I just have a gut feeling that the busy/work excuse... is just that. An excuse. Not a real reason. He never stopped talking to me when he dated girls before this one. Is it just because I know her too? I don't know. It hurts. I'm not trying to be anything other than his friend... and I would hope that BOTH of them would realize that, especially since I was friends with both of them separately before they ever got together. I am not the type of person to even WANT to break up a relationship... I would never do that. I just want my friend back. Maybe that's not possible.

So that's what's going on with me tonight. Feeling overly emotional and taking it out by writing this instead of eating. That's good at least.

back at it

2012-02-06T18:53:00.003-07:00

MyFitnessPal is down right now, so I guess I am composing the blog here instead of there tonight!

In the past year and a half I've managed to gain back everything that I had lost. It has been absolutely miserable. I didn't realize how bad things were when I first started - but since losing the weight and gaining it all back - oh, it is so much worse this time around. Extremely frustrating. And about one thousand times more embarrassing.

I weighed in this morning - I didn't really want to start on a Monday, and I will probably weigh in again on Friday and then stick to Fridays after that. So, the bad news: 260.2. The good news: that will go down again.

I'm having a hard time finding the energy to work out. I know I should just suck it up and get it done. But it is SO hard to get out of bed in the morning, even when I have slept for 9+ hours. This means I'm going to have to start packing a gym bag and going straight from work. Which is a lot more doable. I'll still be tired, but at least I'll be awake.

I'm trying my best to log all my food at MFP. I know - I shouldn't try. I should just do it. Period. Luckily, I have some awesome and supportive friends who are extremely encouraging!

I scratched my eye this morning... still feeling kind of weird. It doesn't hurt - but it's irritated and goes in and out of being blurry. Hoping it will feel better tomorrow, otherwise, I'll go into the eye doctor and make sure it's alright.

I guess that's it for tonight. Back to The Voice!

FitBit vs. BodyBugg

2012-02-04T21:17:00.001-07:00

When I was training this past fall at 24 Hour Fitness, my trainer was awesome enough to lend me a BodyBugg to use. I returned it today because I haven't been using it and he needs it for some of his other clients. But, I'm cool with that, because I just got a FitBit last week! Having had experience with both gadgets, here are my comparisons, in case anyone here is thinking of getting one or the other! Sorry in advance that this is going to be long.

Wearability

BodyBugg: You wear the BodyBugg on an armband around the upper part of your left arm. It has sensors that have contact with your skin. The first few days wearing the BodyBugg, it was no problem. Even a week or two in, it was fine. Then, it started to get annoying. It has a velcro bit on it so you can adjust how it fits. And it started poking me... and my skin was not pleased. I had a little bit of a rash where I was wearing the armband. Also, unless you are wearing a longsleeve shirt, the BodyBugg is very obvious.

FitBit: The FitBit is small, and there are many ways and places to wear it. You can clip it to an article of clothing, a pocket, a belt, or you can put it in a little holder and use that to clip it to something. Or, you can just throw it in your pocket. I like to clip mine to the center of my bra - no one even knows I am wearing it, except for me. Nice!

Computer/Website/Technical Stuff

BodyBugg: To get any information off your BodyBugg, you have to log into their website, and plug your BodyBugg into your computer via a USB cable. Then, it can tell you how many calories you have burned. Their website also has a food compontent where you can log your food. Okay. Their graphs and charts and stuff are cool. But their food database? HORRIBLE. TERRIBLE. Seriously awful. It is very limited and at least on my computer (a MacBook) took for-freaking-ever to load anything. I cannot tell you how many times I got so frustrated trying to log my food that I just quit logging for the day. Sometimes it would take me upwards of half an hour to log my food on the BodyBugg website.

FitBit: The FitBit has a display on the device. It has 1 button, and you can press the button repeatedly to scroll through information, including Steps Taken, Distance, Calories Burned, and Floors Climbed. It also has a clock. And a cute flower that gets bigger the more active you are. I like that you can check where you are at anytime of the day, even if you aren't near your computer! FitBit comes with a charger that also transmits your data to the FitBit website every 15 minutes if you are in range of it. (It has to be plugged into your computer for this to work - also with a USB cable.) I like that you don't HAVE to take it off and plug it in to see your results on the website. The FitBit website also communicates with MFP, if you so choose. (I DO!) That means I can log all my food over here at MFP, and MFP will tell FitBit what my calorie consumption is. If I exercise, FitBit will send a calorie admustment to MFP that adjusts my daily goal - that means I don't have to add my exercise on MFP in order to get my exercise calories. Yay! Less work for me. Plus, the MFP database is leaps and bounds ahead of BodyBugg's. It takes just a minute or two to enter food on MFP.

Both devices charge by being plugged into your computer via USB cable.

Setup

BodyBugg: When you first set up the BodyBugg there is a lot to do. The website takes you through a guided questionaire that asks the regular stuff like age, weight, height, but then also makes you fill out a long series of questions regarding food and lifestyle. It took about 20 minutes.

FitBit: To set up the FitBit, you plug in the base to your computer, and put the FitBit on the base. It asks you the same basic stuff as the BodyBugg - but stops after the basics. It was quite a bit quicker and easier than I expected.

Both devices require setting up accounts on their websites - this part is pretty fast and is basically putting in your email and selecting a password.

Cost

BodyBugg: I actually had to go to the website to find out how much a BodyBugg costs. BodyBuggs start at $129 and come with a limited-term membership on their website. After however long that is (I think it is like 5-7 months), you have to start paying for a membership to the BodyBugg website if you want to keep using it to track your information. At least, this is how I think it works. If I am incorrect here, feel free to correct me!

FitBit: My FitBit was $99. The use of the FitBit website is free. The use of MFP is free.

Accuracy

I'm not going to do 2 different things here - I think both of these work pretty well in terms of accuracy. Sometimes the FitBit overestimates the flights of stairs I climb, but that is due to the fact that it calculates stairs by elevation gain. Living in Denver... I think I'm just going to have to put up with it not gauging my stairs accurately. Oh well.

One more thing I like about the FitBit - if you didn't think it logged something accurately, it allows you to manually enter the activity/calories on their website. I never did figure out how, or even if you could, do that with the BodyBugg.

Sleep Tracking

One thing the FitBit does that the BodyBugg does not, is track your sleep. You definitely keep wearing your BodyBugg while you sleep, but it doesn't really track anything at all. The FitBit has a soft wrist holder for sleep, and you let it know you are going to sleep by holding down the button for 3 seconds until a stopwatch starts going. When you wake up in the morning, hold down the button again and turn the stopwatch off. This is how the FitBit knows how long you were asleep. It will also tell you how often you wake up during the night, and how efficient your sleep was. This past Wednesday night I slept for 9 hours and 15 minutes, and woke up 7 times in the night. My sleep efficiency for that night was 98%. This isn't necessarily something you need - but it is a pretty neat thing to track!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
FitBit. At least for me. =)

Okay... that is all I can think of to compare for now. If you have questions about one or the other, or have an idea of what else to compare - please let me know and I will edit the blog to include it! Hope this is helpful!

Oh hey... I'm back. =)

2012-02-04T21:14:00.003-07:00

Hey everyone! If you are also following me on MFP, I am going to be posting the same blogs both places. Just an FYI! Oh, and HEY I'M BACK!!!!

I spent 6 months in 2009 and 2010 losing 50 pounds. Then I got a new job, lost my momentum... and in the following months, gained everything back... plus a few pounds. It was, and is, so frustrating.

One thing my counselor asked me a few weeks ago was "What was different then from what you are trying to do now?" Thinking about it, there were two things that really stood out to me. ONE was that I was writing this blog. TWO is that apart from moral support from my blog followers and a few close friends/family, I was doing it on my own. I worked out on my own.

Is that a really big difference? I don't know. Once I got my new job, I also started working with a trainer. And I did not lose weight working with her - I gained weight. While I also got a LOT stronger... I should have been losing, not gaining. I wasn't eating right and that really screwed me up. Even having another, trained, person there helping me... something didn't click. Then I worked with a trainer at my new gym (as of fall 2011), and it still didn't feel right.

So, I am kind of wondering if this isn't something that I need to do on my own.

I'm not talking about support - or even tracking calories. I love all my MFP (and Blogger!) friends and it would be SO much harder to go through this process without you all.

I DESPERATELY need to start working out again. But I don't think I need to work with a trainer. That thought is kind of a relief.

I started thinking about this all because I took the BodyBugg that my trainer lent me back to the gym. One of the guys at the front desk was glad to see me and asked where I had been, and I explained that I have been pretty sick these past couple months. He asked me if I was going to start training again and I didn't even really need to think about it. I just said "You know... I don't think so." And of course he asked why (cause it is his job to sell the packages, haha) and I didn't really explain. I just told him I was still kind of sick and not ready.

Trainers are great resources, and lots of them help lots of people lose lots of weight. But so far, they haven't been totally right for me. I would love to work with one when I get close to my goal weight, and I may work with one for a few sessions later on to set up a weight training plan. But that's it.

I have to trust that I can do this all again, and I have to trust that it is going to be okay to do it on my own. I'm kind of excited about it. I'm going to take the next week or so to work out outside - walking, getting my distance built back up to 2-3 miles at a time. Then I'm going to start training for the Colfax Half Marathon in May. Once I start feeling a little better I'll head back to the gym and start doing spinning classes and maybe some other stuff as well. But with the fact that I am still not feeling even 75% yet, I'm going to ease back into things.

I'm also going to start writing blogs again. =) I know I owe you guys a FitBit vs. BodyBugg write up - see the blog posted after this one!

truth

2011-05-20T15:52:00.002-06:00

The last time I wrote a blog, I weighed 253. As of today, I'm still there. I was up from that though at times. I'm actually down 2 lbs today from last Friday. Here is the truth of the past month or so...

-I'm doing better. I got back on the meds that I like, and I've really been noticing them start to kick in these past couple weeks. I've been tracking my calories on My Fitness Pal and that's been helping a lot. It's so much easier to track when I actually take my meds.

-I am really enjoying going to therapy. A lot. My counselor is awesome at what he does, and while progress is slow, I'm okay with that. I'm not going to change overnight... these things take time.

-Running a half marathon without having trained is just asking for immense amounts of pain. It was Wednesday before I finally felt better from running on Sunday. Sunday-Tuesday were just awful. However, my stubborness prevailed at the race, and I crossed the finish line and got my 5th half marathon medal. Could not be happier about that!

-This journey of living a healthier life is a hard one. But I've realised that if I ever want to have any chance of success, I've got to keep trying. No matter how hard it is, no matter how TIRED OF IT I am (oh, I'm so tired of it...), I will not succeed if I don't TRY.

poor neglected blog

2011-04-08T14:11:00.002-06:00

I have not blogged lately at all - but I recently picked my other blog back up (Getting Wrecked), and so I decided it was time to start again with this one as well.

As I'm sure you can guess, I do not have much good news. For the past few months I've really been struggling with my depression meds, and just last week convinced my doctor to put me back on the ones that I like and know work for me. It means ordering them from a pharmacy outside Kaiser, but I'd rather pay extra than stay on meds I don't like.

While on the other depression meds, I gained weight like crazy. It did not help that I was not making good choices with what I was eating - but I know that at least part of that weight gain was from the meds - I could not have gained all that I did without that being part of the cause. As of Wednesday this week I weighed in at 255. (I had seen numbers in the 260s last week though.) This morning, I was at 253.

One thing that I know is going to help me in the long run is the fact that I started seeing a counselor. He is absolutely wonderful, and even 3 sessions in I know that going through counseling is going to change my life.

I'm very slowly putting my life back together. I really do want to keep going with this blog, but right now, my other blog is holding more of my attention. I'll try and get over here at least once a week though.

One last thing before I wrap up - my good friend Lindsay has started blogging, and writes a fantastic one! She only has 3 followers, and deserves to have 300! Please, please, please go check out Lindsay's blog and follow her!!! She's lost 30 pounds so far and is a great inspiration! Her blog can be found here.

checking in...

2011-02-12T13:25:00.002-07:00

Hey all! So I've been pretty terrible at checking in.

I'm kind of stuck right now. I'm not gaining weight, I'm not losing weight. I'm pretty much maintaining. Which is frustrating. I am having a hard time making time for exercise in my life, which is my main problem right now. I know that is a terrible excuse, but it is what it is. Eating isn't horribly, but it's not that great either. I am making decent choices most of the time. And I haven't binged in awhile, so I am really proud of that.

The triathlon group that was going to happen this summer was cancelled. Which is kind of a bummer, I really wanted to do it - but now that just means that I can focus all my energy into training for the full marathon in the fall . Yes, I know this will REQUIRE me to make time for exercise, hahaha.

So that's life right now. Hold me to posting a weigh in post next week, guys. I know I need to do it! For now, I'm off to run a few more errands and get ready for volunteering at a church thing tonight. Hope you are all having great weekends!

Thursday Weigh-In, Friday Update

2011-01-28T10:24:00.003-07:00

Hey all! Just checking in because it is FRIDAY!!! Woohoo! I am so happy it's the weekend!

Okay so last Friday I weighed in at: 241.8.

Yesterday, (Thursday), I was at: 238.8 (-3)

So I lost 3 pounds this week! How amazing is that!?!?! Pretty dang awesome if I do say so myself. I weighed in yesterday instead of today because last night I went out to eat with my good friend Ashley. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and while I made good choices, I didn't want a false reading due to sodium intake. I will happily take yesterday's weight though! Hooray!

And in case you were wondering what I ordered last night - I got steak fajitas, and told them to hold the cheese and sour cream, and I asked for black beans instead of pinto. I only ate like 2 bites of my rice, and one tortilla. The rest of the time, I just ate the fajita ingredients right off the sizzling plate with my fork. Yum, yum, yum! I cannot wait to go back and get it again, it was beyond delicious! (I also ate some guacamole, too.)

Today I am stuck in internal debate. I am seriously reconsidering doing the triathlon this summer. And it isn't that I wouldn't love to do it - but right now, I have my heart absolutely set on running a marathon this fall. I just don't think I can afford to do both. The Tri class is expensive, and I am also afraid I will get so wrapped up in training for the Tri, that my marathon training would take backseat. I really don't want that - I want to fully commit to something. Right now I just have marathon brain. I can afford the marathon registration and a couple pairs of new shoes. I don't think I can afford those things AND the triathlon class. We'll see. But I will probably make a decision in the next few weeks here.

I did sign up for the same spring half marathon I've been doing for a few years now. I wasn't going to - but I just needed something to train for! I'm getting excited to start officially training for that race in a few weeks.

Aside from all things exercisey, life is great. I have taken on a new responsibility at church, and I am now the Sunday volunteer coordinator. Mostly this means that I am doing a LOT of email during the week. I'm loving it though, and I can't wait til Sunday to meet some of my volunteers!

I have kept my room clean for ALMOST 2 whole weeks. I am immensely proud of this.

Tomorrow I have my second laser appointment and then I'm going hiking. I cannot wait to get out into the mountains again, it has been way too long, and I have been itching to go for awhile. Super excited.

Apparently I can't escape talking about exercise. Well, I'm gonna get back to work. I have to start thinking about lunch, and then after work I have training. (See?!? Can't stop!)

Happy Friday, all of you!

doing something constructive

2011-01-23T15:52:00.003-07:00

I am an emotional eater.

When I got home from church at 1 this afternoon, I was ready to eat. Anything. But I wasn't in particularly hungry - which of course has never stopped me in the past.

I was upset. I was working on processing my thoughts about the service this morning and how scarily it spoke directly to me at this point in my life. Normally, I would have raided the kitchen, felt guilty, and proceeded to have a terrible day.

But today, I started something different. The emotions that I was struggling with after church had nothing to do with food. They had everything to do with my spiritual growth. So instead of sitting down in front of 3 bowls of frosted flakes, I sat down in front my computer with my journal and my Bible right next to me.

And I started a new blog. I spent 2 hours (no joke!) writing my first post. It was really hard, processing those emotions, and I thought about quitting several times. But I got it all out, and I honest to goodness feel far better now. I am still emotional - which is okay, I am still processing. But I do not feel guilty, bloated, or sick. I do not feel like I ruined my day. I am actually feeling just a little healthier.

My relationship with God is a big part of my life, as is my participation in my church community. I know I don't talk about it much here, as it doesn't always play a big role in the "weight loss" part of my life. Today it kind of intersected though, and I am pleased with the resulting new blog.

If you are at all interested, feel free to check out Getting Wrecked. Follow if you dare - it will include a lot of emotions, and working through whatever I am learning about at services on Sundays and Wednesdays. I'd love to have any of you along on the journey!

Friday update, just in time!

2011-01-21T21:36:00.002-07:00

I promise I didn't forget about updating at least once a week!

So here's the bad news - I am up 3 pounds exactly from 2 weeks ago. I'm not happy with it, but I know it came directly from emotional/overeating after my accident and not exercising when I was recovering. Thankfully, I am now recovered enough to work out, and I'm back on track with my food! Yeah!

I met with Janel for the first time since before Christmas, as she was on her honeymoon for a couple weeks. We are now officially working on upping my weights, so it was an intense session last night. I'm up to 140 on leg press, which I am SO PROUD OF, because it is well over half my body weight. Heck yes! I won't bore you with the rest of my weights, but I must say I am extremely excited about increasing them.

(Aside: I know so many girls who worry about getting "bulky" and just want to be toned - which is not a bad goal, to be sure! But I am not one of those girls. Bring on the muscle! I was not built to be slight, and I never will be. I am so pleased with my muscles and my strength.)

Okay well, it is 10 on Friday night, and I'm headed to bed. I know, I'm such an exciting 26 year old, hahaha! I am going to breakfast with a good friend and one of his friends who I have never met. We are going to the very best breakfast place in Colorado (in my opinion, anyway), and I'm super excited, because it really is a treat to go there. I'm going to get what I want for breakfast, not worry over it, and then get out for some good exercise in the afternoon, even if it is just an hour long walk.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Not the best week ever...

2011-01-14T09:37:00.002-07:00

Okay y'all it's Friday. Normally that means weigh in - which I did this morning. I am still debating counting it though.

See, I got in a car accident on Wednesday. It was not my fault, and neither of us were seriously injured, but I have been feeling terrible since then. I am pretty sore, headachey, and just completely exhausted. I'm also stressed because of the whole incident. I haven't worked out this week, and I will fully own up to eating a little too much since Wednesday night. So yeah, I'm up a few pounds. Blah.

On a lighter note - welcome to all my new followers! I'm so happy to have you here, and I promise I will get around to visiting your blogs this coming week!

I've got an award from Kelly to answer, and I've also got some cool stuff going on in the non food/exercise/health realm of my life that I am excited to share with you all. So stay tuned - I'll try to get that done this weekend. =)

Trying something different

2011-01-08T12:46:00.003-07:00

Thanks for watching! To check out Kelly's blog, go here.

First Friday

2011-01-07T09:25:00.003-07:00

Happy New Year, all!

I have to admit, over the past few months, I have been a truly terrible blogger. As in, it's a lot if I do more than 2 posts a month. I'm not thrilled with that, but the truth of the matter is - my life has just gotten really busy.

I work out two or three nights a week. I go to church twice a week, and on one of those days I also volunteer. I have choir on Sunday nights. I babysit at least once a month, if not more. Add in spending time with friends, and I suddenly seem to have more of a life than I ever had before! Which not bad at all - in fact, it's very healthy! But with this transition, blogging was unintentionally put on the back burner.

I'm going to try to get back to blogging in 2011. It's not going to be every day, to be sure. But I will try to do it at least once a week - on Fridays, for weigh ins, at the very least.

I am sad to say that I have gained back nearly all of what I lost. I started 2011 at 243.2. This makes me really frustrated, I worked SO hard to lose 50 pounds. I was even in the 100s for a few weeks!!! But I stopped counting calories and it all went downhill from there.

I'm not going to give up though. Just starting over. Starting over always kind of sucks the first few days... but now, I'm feeling good about being back.

Since today is Friday, that means it's weigh in day. So with no futher ado... let's get to it.

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week: 243.2

Today: 238.8 (-4.4)

Bring it, 2011.

florida

2010-12-30T08:14:00.002-07:00

So after several travel fiascos and cracking my tooth in half, I finally made it to Florida Monday morning - only 2 days late.

It has been pretty cold so far. I walked around on the beach yesterday a little bit, but mostly my outdoor activities have included shopping and going to the hot tub. I do wish that it was warmer, but after hearing that it is snowing in Denver, I am a little more okay with the coldness.

Today my uncle, cousin, dad, brother, and myself are going kayaking. I have never been before and I am SUPER excited to go!!!

Sorry for the short update, but I have to go shower! Hope you are all having wonderful holiday seasons!

Big, Fun, Scary Adventures 2011

2010-12-15T20:43:00.002-07:00

Some of you might know that I spent November writing a novel for National Novel Writing Month. After the month is over, the staff blog about their Big, Fun, Scary Adventures that they will take on in the next year - and invite everyone to come up with their own lists and comment with it. I did not comment, but I think the idea is a great one, and I want to make a list.

So here are my plans for Big, Fun, Scary Adventures in 2011:

Lose weight. Do not try to tell me that this is not BIG, FUN, or SCARY. It is all three, and all of you know it.

Complete a triathlon with Janel's triathlon group. This is so scary to me. I do not swim well. (I can get in a pool and not drown doing laps, but I have zero form.) I do not bike at all. But Janel is so persuasive, and I met some of the girls who did it last summer and they just loved it. I am already saving for the program, and I will be working out with them from April or May through the race in August. I will not do my regular training during that time - I'll only be running, swimming, and biking.

Complete a marathon. I talked to Janel about this - with the Tri in early August, she is confident that I can be ready for a late fall marathon. Provided that I will not be breaking my toe again this summer.

Finish my fairy tale manuscript. I've been working on it off and on for two years now. I need to finish it.

I feel like this list should have 5 things. Okay - last item - if my choir is singing a piece of music that I love and it has a soprano solo - AUDITION for it. I chickened out this fall, and I wish I hadn't. The girl who got it was okay, but it was far better suited to my voice type.

There's my list! I'm excited.

What are YOUR Big, Fun, Scary Adventures for 2011 going to be? Reply with them here, or make a blog post, and put a link in the comments! I would love to hear what you will tackle in the coming year.

Ouch, life. Ouch.

2010-12-09T20:31:00.005-07:00

Today had a few good spots, but for the most part, it went wrong almost right from the beginning.

Waking up was not so bad. I had an appointment at 9:30, so I got to lay around for an extra 20 minutes, which was nice. Got up and went upstairs to take my shower. I wasn't in the shower for 30 seconds when the whole right side of my back seized up, and continued to spasm for the whole shower, and periodically throughout the day. Not. Fun. It makes driving especially hard, because the slightest twisting to look out side windows caused it to spasm again.

Then, I followed the Google directions to the Dr.'s office I was going to. They got me... in the complete opposite direction than I wanted to go. Called the office, got turned around, stopped to turn on my GPS, and finally got there, at least 20 minutes late for my appointment. They were extremely nice about it, though and still got me in right away.

Okay, this part of the story is good - finally! A few months ago I signed up for Groupon. (Which, side note, is AWESOME.) If you don't know what that is, it's a daily deal thing that is tailored to your city. So about a week after I signed up, there was a Groupon for laser hair removal. I have always wanted this done on my upper lip. I have dark hair, very annoying, and I hate taking care of it. After scouring the internet for info on the office and the doctors, I found nothing but rave reviews. So I went ahead and bought the Groupon - $150 for 6 sessions. Which is something like 90% off. Anyway, my first session was today. Not only did I get my upper lip done, but chins were also part of the package! I have a rogue hair or two on my chin, so I was excited about that too.

Laser hair removal is quite the cool thing, let me tell you. The actual process took all of three minutes. She did my chin first, and I didn't feel anything the first 5 or 6 pulses. When she got to my one rogue hair that was there it hurt a little, but no biggie. Felt like a tiny pinprick. Then she did my upper lip. These ones I definitely felt! I could also see the laser (from behind my protective glasses of course), and I felt very futuristic, or like there was a tiny spaceship warring on my hair. Haha. Truthfully, the actual laser did not really bother me at all. The weirdest part was being able to smell my hair burning! Afterwards, my skin was red and a little swollen, similar to how it would be after waxing, but a little more painful. I iced it on and off all day and it already looks almost back to normal. I have 5 more sessions between now and June, and I'm pumped to see the end result.

Back to the rest of the day.

This afternoon was our monthly board meeting. Not bad, but just a general stressor for me. I don't particularly enjoy taking minutes. As soon as the meeting was over, my boss decided that she wanted to stay for the trustee's meeting which directly follows ours, and told me that I needed to go pick up her daughter from school, get her dinner, and bring her back to the library.

Wow.

I did not like that. My boss did give me money for it, and I do know her daughter pretty well by now. But still. It's the principle of the thing. If you want to stay for a meeting, plan for it in advance and get childcare ahead of time. It just irked me to no end.

Then I went and worked out. It was hard, because of my stupid spasming back and we had to modify a handful of exercises so that I didn't die.

And the whole day I just wanted go home, lay down, and cry. Thanks, PMS.

Now I am at home, watching Castle, with my microwave warmy thing on my back. I am so glad today is over. Tomorrow will be much better, especially since it will end with my choir concert at Zoolights, that most of my Denver friends will be at. YAY FRIDAY!

My Old Self vs. My New Self

2010-12-06T21:45:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was sooooo not good. I don't know where it came from, but I binged big time yesterday for the first time in a long time. I will not list all the things I ate, because if I read someone else's list, that would be a HUGE trigger for me. So suffice it to say, I ate a lot. I ate until I was uncomfortable, and THAT sucked. I just could not stop. I even made a special trip to the store. It has been MONTHS since I've done that. I still haven't figured out what was going on with me!!

I have been consistently on my meds for over a month now, which is awesome. They are a huge help in me not bingeing on a regular basis. Which makes yesterday even more strange.

I felt so incredibly sick and guilty last night.

This morning I woke up and thought about yesterday. It sucked. I did not like it.

So I climbed back up on the wagon and dusted myself off. I ate within my calories all day today, and after work, I hit the gym for a sweaty 40 minutes on the elliptical. And believe it or not, I LOVED that time working out. My body felt spectacular both during and after my workout. I cannot tell you how much better today made me feel.

I was not myself yesterday. I was my old self, and that person doesn't surface very often anymore.

While I know who I was before played a huge part in who I am today, we are no longer the same. I will acknowledge that part of myself, and I will be grateful for the experiences I had and the things I learned during that time... but I'm not going to let it run the show. Not anymore.

Mini Quiches

2010-11-18T13:16:00.003-07:00

Ingredients
-8 ounces turkey breakfast sausage, removed from casing and crumbled into small pieces
-1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
-8 ounces mushrooms, sliced
-1/4 cup sliced scallions
-1/4 cup shredded Swiss cheese
-1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
-5 eggs
-3 egg whites
-1 cup 1% milk

Preparation
Position rack in center of oven; preheat to 325°F. Coat a nonstick muffin tin generously with cooking spray.

Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add sausage and cook until golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a bowl to cool. Add oil to the pan. Add mushrooms and cook, stirring often, until golden brown, 5 to 7 minutes. Transfer mushrooms to the bowl with the sausage. Let cool for 5 minutes. Stir in scallions, cheese and pepper.

Whisk eggs, egg whites and milk in a medium bowl. Divide the egg mixture evenly among the prepared muffin cups. Sprinkle a heaping tablespoon of the sausage mixture into each cup.
Bake until the tops are just beginning to brown, 25 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack for 5 minutes. Place a rack on top of the pan, flip it over and turn the quiches out onto the rack. Turn upright and let cool completely.

Here is the link for the original recipe, posted above. Made as the recipe suggests, they are 90 calories per quiche.

___________________________________________

Now that that is out of the way, here is what I did differently!

1. I only used 1/2 cup milk instead of 1 cup. They turned out perfectly, not dry at all. I really would go with 1/2 cup milk.

2. I HATE mushrooms. I used green peppers instead, and left out the green onions as well.

3. I used mozzerella cheese instead of swiss, because that is what I had in the house.

4. I threw in a teaspoon of onion powder. Because I felt like it. Ha.

With my changes to the recipe, my quiches are 82 calories each. You can do so much with this recipe - use different kinds of meat, cheese, or veggies to suit your tastes. Just make sure to calculate your calories with your substitutions!

Also, make sure you do what they say, and use a NON-STICK muffin pan that is sprayed really well. I put most of mine in the freezer and just get one out and microwave it in the morning. It takes about a minute (today I did 35 seconds, flipped it over, and did another 25). I have been toasting english muffins and sandwiching a quiche in the middle for a quick breakfast sandwhich. Today I also spread a wedge of Laughing Cow Light French Onion flavor on the muffin as well. Holy cow, it was the most delicious breakfast sandwich of my life!!!

Are these something you would make? What would you put in them?

planning

2010-11-17T11:49:00.002-07:00

I think one thing that has helped me get back on track is planning. I plan breakfast the night before usually (I am not a morning person, so if I don't plan it I will just eat anything), and then I put together lunch and snacks for the day. As soon as I get to work in the morning I log on to MFP and log all my food except for dinner. Dinner is usually less planned, but I am more in control at night and will choose good things for the most part.

I am not a huge fan of cooking, and I do eat a lot of frozen meals. I have recently discovered the new Lean Cuisine Steamer Bags. They are really tasty. I am not being paid to say this, they have no idea. But wow... they just do not taste like your normal frozen entree. YUM YUM!

As long as I am telling you about newly discovered foods, Lucerne (is this only a Safeway brand?) has limited edition yogurts out that taste like gingerbread, caramal apple, and pumpkin pie. Also delicious.

Lastly, don't let me forget to post the recipe my mom emailed to me for mini quiches. They are awesome, and I have been sandwiching them in an english muffin for a super quick breakfast sandwich. I will post it tonight or tomorrow!

So are you a planner? Or do you just go with the flow?

courage

2010-11-16T09:12:00.002-07:00

Whenever we were about to attempt some difficult music for the first time, our choir director in college would always say to us, "Courage!"

It is hard for me to blog these days. I am very much struggling and it is hard to admit. I called my mom to talk a few Thanksgiving details the other day and ended up on the phone with her for an hour, crying, because I have gained back so much of what I lost. Being a mom though, she had lots of great suggestions, including going back on HBC. I would rather live life without any meds, but going on and off my depression meds all the time has shown me that it is a bad idea for me. She pointed out too, that the same month I stopped taking my HBC was the month I stopped losing weight. Interesting. So I'm trying it again. Perhaps I am one of the few people that actually lose weight on HBC, hahaha.

I don't want to jinx anything, but yesterday I had a great day. I was spot on with my calories, and hardly even thought about binging. I am hoping for a similar day today, and I have Janel after work, which I'm really looking forward to.

I am keeping busy and I am really loving all my activities. I work out with Janel two nights a week, go to church on Wednesday evenings, and I have choir rehearsal on Sundays. I am slowly but surely making friends doing all of these things (yes, including at the gym, haha!!!). This month is National Novel Writing Month, and I am doing that as well. I hit 25,000 words yesterday, so I'm right on track!

And in new/surprising/exciting/weird news, I have been doing some dating this month as well. I got in contact with a guy I sort of dated last spring at the beginning of the month because he is doing NaNoWriMo too. We have gotten together a handful of times since then, but always to write. So not real dates. We keep saying we should do something instead of writing, but if we do, it likely won't happen until December, when this madness is over. Even so, it is fun not to have to write alone.

Now, here is the weird part... I do not do a lot of dating. I have been on Match for 5 and a half months now, and just last night actually met up with someone from there in person for the first time. (I am very selective in who I contact and who I will talk to on dating sites. I flat out pass on probably close to 95% of the guys on there. I really only contact people who state outright that their faith and a relationship with God is the most important thing to them.) Anyway... it was really fun last night. It was a relaxed, "hey let's grab a coffee, but not call this a date" get to know you kind of thing. We sat at Starbucks and talked for 2 hours.

I have hardly ever had *one* guy interested in dating me... and now I have 2? CRAZY! It is still super casual on both fronts though, and the minute I start to feel more (if I start to feel more) towards one guy, then I know I will have to talk to the other. But for the next week or two, I guess I will just see how it all plays out. Maybe I won't end up seriously dating either of them... leaving this all in God's hands at this point, because my experience is pretty limited, haha.

So that is my life. I have been taking my meds consistently for a week now, which is progress. And I can feel the difference it is starting to make in my energy levels and my ability to make good choices.

So now it comes down to having the courage to stick with it.

it's my birthday!!!

2010-10-28T14:20:00.002-06:00

I know I have not posted in forever, I have been sooooo busy with work! But work has been going really well, we made a lot of money at our booksale last week. Exciting.

I'm still working out with Janel - not doing great on the eating front, I really need to get back to tracking on MFP.

Today it is my birthday! I'm 26... yep, definitely need to run a marathon this year. =) My parents got me an awesome kitchen scale! It's a digital Biggest Loser one, which is going to work so much better than my old one. I can even put my own bowls on this one and then tare it. Niiiceee!!! I'm super excited to use it!

Well, this post was kind of lame. But I am still alive, very busy, except for today... today I am watching TV on my computer and will possibly clean my room. Also going to see Tenth Avenue North tonight. Yayyyy.

Hope you are all having good days!

big week!

2010-10-01T06:38:00.004-06:00

Happy Friday, and Happy October everyone! Let's get the numbers out of the way first, and then I'll update you all on some other things going on with me. =)

Last Week's Weigh in: 225

This Week's Weigh in: 221.6 (-3.4)

Hooray! I am well on my way back down, and I'm hoping I can weigh in under 200 before Christmas vacation in Florida. I think it's doable!

So this week my blog celebrated a very special anniversary, but I forgot to tell you all! It was my 1 year blogiversary on Wednesday the 29th! A good part of the year was spent losing 50 pounds... and almost all the rest was spent gaining 30 of that back. For the past two weeks I've been pretty much on track though, and I am happy to report that with the help of My Fitness Pal and restarting my meds... I am back for good. =)

What else was I going to tell you? Oh, I decided to do the race on the 17th! I am not going out with any time goals other than to not get picked up by the bus, as I don't want a DNF. I'm going to do what L.B. (Muddy Runner) suggested, and take my camera. I will go out with the intent to have fun and take lots of pictures, and then post them on this blog and tell you allll about the race!

Okay, it is time for me to get ready for the day. I have at least a couple updates that I want to get posted this week, so come back soon!

Have a great day!

need advice, especially from runners...

2010-09-27T22:36:00.002-06:00

So here is the deal. Last spring, I signed up for a marathon on October 17th. (Denver Rock and Roll.) After breaking my toe at the end of July, training was O-U-T for 6 weeks. I kept working out with my trainer and doing a very little non-impact cardio, as a lot of it hurt to do for awhile. Obviously, I could not train up for a full marathon, and I downgraded my entry to the Half.

I have not trained for the half either, and now it is 3 weeks away. I have been training twice a week with Janel, and am finally just getting back into the groove of doing cardio on my own - but none of it has been running.

I have done 3 half marathons before. I know the distance well. HOW bad of an idea would it be to do this race with little to no running training? (Or whatever running I can get in for the next 3 weeks...) As far as fitness goes, because I have been working really hard with Janel, I have not lost much, if any, fitness. In fact, I probably have more muscle than I have ever had.

I feel like I could do it - get out for some runs before the race, probably none over 7 or 8 miles though. And I know that I don't have to run the whole thing, in fact I am sure I wouldn't. I'd be happy to walk half of it and run half of it. I just LOVE the experience of being part of these big races.

So... do you think this is a crazy idea??? Let me know, please and thank you!!!

(p.s. I haven't posted since weigh in, but in case you were wondering, everything is going great! I have been tracking calories on My Fitness Pal and have been under every day since I started! I am very excited to weigh in later this week again, especially since I get to exercise more this week!)

weigh in and other good things

2010-09-25T08:59:00.003-06:00

Last weigh in (Monday): 230.2

Today's weigh in: 225 (-5.2)

YAY!!! I didn't get a chance to weigh in yesterday, which is my usual weigh in day, because I was babysitting overnight and wanted to use my own scale. I only got to work out twice these past 5 days, also because of the babysitting. But I stayed within my calories, and look - it worked!

One thing I have learned from My Fitness Pal so far is that I should be eating at least part (if not all) of my exercise calories. Now, if I go out for a half hour walk and burn 150 calories, it probably won't make a huge difference in my day if I eat them or not. However, on days when I work out with Janel, it is SO nice to be able to eat an extra 500 calories. I always find myself eating more on training days - both before, so that I have energy, and after, because I am starving.

I am kind of wondering if losing weight will look different this time around, since I've been working so hard with Janel. While I did gain back about 30 pounds... I can also still wear most of the same clothes. I am thinking 200 this time will look a lot different than 200 last time, since a greater part of my body weight is muscle now. At the very least, it will be interesting to find out.

Well it is about time for me to go scrounge up some breakfast. I have to work today (BLAH) but I think my boss and I are just going thrift shopping for some decorations for the office, which will at least be kind of fun. Then I'm babysitting again tonight for a new family. Thank you babysitting, for paying for another 10 sessions with Janel, hahaha.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

i get to be a mom this week

2010-09-22T15:19:00.003-06:00

As of 11 AM this morning until late late late on Friday night, I get to play mom. I am taking care of 4 kids (for the few hours I have them all), but mostly it is 2 or 3 I am watching at any given time. I get to pick them up at school, take them back in the morning, pick them up again, shuttle the older ones to and from soccer practices. (Yes, not only do I get to be a mom, but a soccer mom... haha.) I am a little nervous, but also excited. It will be fun to hang out with these kids for the next few days. Also, this family referred ANOTHER family to me, so now I am up to 3 families that I babysit for. Is it weird that I am 25 and babysitting? Am I the oldest babysitter ever?

I got out for a walk on Monday and worked out with Janel yesterday. Eating is also going well, and I have been tracking calories on My Fitness Pal, which is like Facebook for fitness. I am loving it over there! All in all, I am feeling good, and like I am on track. I still desperately want to eat the chocolates on my desk... but I will not do it.

Work is stressing me out like crazy... there is SO much going on, and it is hard to keep track of it all. Plus my boss is very dramatic, which I am used to dealing with, but it makes me want to stress eat SO BAD. And I'm not doing that anymore. Working out really helped after yesterday's workday, but with kids to pick up from school tonight and the next two nights, I have no time to workout. I know this family has cable though, so maybe after I get them to bed I can do some of the exercise videos that are On Demand. Or maybe I will grab my Shred DVD when I stop at home to get my meds. I am going to need to do something, I think.

What do you all suggest?

i need friends!

2010-09-20T09:24:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I got a MyFitnessPal account last month... and then didn't use it. But I am starting today tracking my food and exercise on there, and I need some friends! My user name is kaitimae, if any of you have an account, can you find me? Or tell me how to find you? I am new to this site still, and haven't got it all figured out yet. Thanks!

Even though I did not really do the "No Numbers Challenge" like I had planned on doing, I weighed in this morning. I am up to 230.2, which is +3.8 from last month on the 20th. NO THANK YOU, SELF. That is just awful. Hence, starting to track food and exercise online, where I hope to have a few friends who will help keep me in line, and let me support them as well.

Also, I'm reinstigating Friday weigh-ins. Every Friday, unless I am on vacation with no access to a scale. I stopped because I was going through a lot with changing jobs, and the stress of it was overwhelming. However, it just led me to having ZERO accountability... which every single one of us knew would happen.

I'm going on a walk once I get home from work today. I haven't exercised outside in who knows how long. Perhaps I will take my camera and snap some pics to prove I went. =) Have a great Monday everyone - despite a crappy weigh in, I am super glad it has kicked me back on plan!!! (Also, big thanks to my meds, which are also helping me be positive and proactive!!!)

small changes

2010-09-14T14:05:00.002-06:00

A big part of why I have been struggling these past months is, I believe, because I stopped taking my depression meds. BAD idea. I get to a point where I am doing well, and think I don't need them anymore. But that's not true. I am just doing well because they are working and doing their job. But now I am back on my meds, which I feel good about. I am far better able to make good decisions when I am taking them. Also, I have more energy and desire to get exercise.

Speaking of exercise, this morning I signed up for a program called "Move-tober." For four weeks in October, I am supposed to track my milage and my minutes of walking. The goal is to rack up either 600 minutes or 45 miles. (You have to choose between walking, running, or biking.) There are prizes at the end, and you can win prizes based on your designation. I am sure that I will spend a lot of my milage running, but I picked walking, as I am more likely to do that. Since I am just now getting back into running after I broke my toe, I don't want to set a milage goal that I can't acheive or that is likely to injure me.

I know I am not going to like what I see on the scale on September 20th. Why? Because I haven't done any of the things for the "No Numbers" challege after the first few days. However, I know that whatever I see on the 29th will be less than what I started with last year on the 29th when this journey began. That, I can feel good about.

My plan for the rest of September is to get a head start on a healthy October!

peach trees

2010-09-13T21:26:00.004-06:00

I have two peach trees in the yard at my house. One is GIANT, and is producing some seriously delicious fruit. (I still cannot fathom that I am going to be eating FREE peaches for as long as they last. SO cool!) The other tree is little, and its peaches are just starting to look like they will actually ripen.

I have eaten... a couple peaches today, and made a peach crisp. Which I also ate like a quarter of. Hey, it's dinner! Tomorrow, my housemate Suzanne, a few of her friends, and I are going to make all manner of delicious peach things. Vodka, jam, butter, chutney? I think? I am also going to make freezer jam. Some for me, some for Christmas presents.

The bowl up top is just what we picked today, plus I took about 1/2 of that amount over to the neighbors house.

Peaches are delicious! Especially when you have them growing in your yard and can eat them pretty much off the tree.

happiness

2010-09-09T08:52:00.004-06:00

1) Post who gave you this award: Thanks so much to Sabrina at Life Is Not Always Black & White and to MargieAnne at nothingistoohard. I got this award months ago... but it is ALWAYS a good time to be happy! As much as I have been struggling lately, I think a positive attitude is what is keeping me from totally throwing in the towel. Thanks for the award, ladies. =)

2) State 10 things you like:

Exercise. I will drag my feet about it until I finally step up onto the treadmill, but I secretly do love working out. I love sweating, and feeling my muscles get stronger. I especially love sessions with Janel, because I leave feeling like Jello.
My job. It can get crazy busy and a little (okay, a lot) stressful, but I love it. I have great coworkers and wonderful volunteers that I get to see every week.
My neighbors. They are just genuinely nice people. I enjoy having friends that live next door, who are okay with me coming over to chat a few evenings every week.
Mountains. I don't think I will ever be able to move away from the mountains. They are just so beautiful, and provide endless places to play! (Or, you know, hike. Haha.)
Scotch Tape. I don't know why.
Breakfast foods. Waffles, scrambled eggs, cereal, cream of wheat... I love it all. I will eat breakfast foods for any meal, given the chance.
Autumn. While I do love Spring and Summer for their warm weather, I think Fall is my favorite season. I love the bite in the air, and being able to wear jeans and a sweater.
Books. I don't know how you people with Kindles do it. I love being able to collect and read physical books. I love how books can take you out of this world and deposit you in another, even if just for a few hours.
Football. I think this goes along with Fall being my favorite season. I love watching a good football game, especially if I am there in person! (And even more especially if it is the WOLVERINES!!!)
Music. Going to concerts, or just jamming out to iTunes in my room... I love me some good music.

3) Give this award to 10 other bloggers and notify them with a comment:

I'm cheating on this one. I don't have time to pass this on to 10 people, so I'm only passing it on to 5. Feel special, you 5! Haha.

i keep going away and not meaning to!

2010-09-08T11:39:00.002-06:00

Life just gets so busy sometimes! For example, last week I had a surprise root canal on Wednesday. I was expecting to get one done, sure, but not when I went in for my preliminary appointment. We got done with the xrays and the consult and they were like "Oh hey, we saved you a timeslot at 11 if you want to get the root canal done now!" It was not in my plan for the day, but I was happy to have it done. NO more tooth pain!!!

I was also pet/house sitting all last week, babysitting this weekend, and this week I am all over the place. I had training with Janel last night and nearly threw up. For reals. It was the first time I have ever felt that sick during training. Like I really had to work to not run to the bathroom. Luckily Janel is awesome and let me walk around, sit down, and she went and got cold paper towels and put them on my neck. It helped! We slowed down after that, but I finished the workout strong. I still don't really know what caused it, but it was a totally not fun experience. I am really going to miss working out with Janel. What with paying for the root canal and picking up paying for my student loans, I don't think I'll be able to afford training for awhile. Maybe if I get some money for Christmas... maybe.

Tonight I am meeting some friends for tea after work and we are going to discuss a Bible study that we are going to start doing together. I also volunteered to help with my church's new Wednesday evening service... I'm excited to be getting more involved with church and friends from church. Then tomorrow, one of my very best friends from college and her boyfriend are flying in just to visit for the weekend!!! I am super excited, I must say. We have some stuff planned, but will probably just enjoy hanging out and doing whatever. I'm for sure looking forward to going back to Ft. Collins and going on the New Belgium tour again. Yum yum.

On Sunday, I start singing with my new choir! I can't even explain how much I need this. Singing has been such a huge part of my life for such a long time, and now I have it back again. I think it will do so much for my happiness level.

A final note - I am bringing back rewards! I think if I have rewards that I really want (and can't have if I don't meet my goals!), I'll be more motivated to actually work on my health, haha. So the first reward is NEW ITUNES MUSIC!!! I have not bought music in a really long time, and just yesterday found an album that I really, really want. So I'm making that my reward for getting into the teens. 219.9 or lower, I get the music. Then I'll decide on another reward after that.

Well, that is all for now, I think. I must go back to work! Lunchtime is over!

deliciousness

2010-08-24T20:32:00.002-06:00

After a long day at a social media conference, I did not have very many calories left to play with for dinner tonight - only about 200. So I got creative, and made an incredibly delicious omelette! Here's what was in it -

4 egg whites

1 oz light brie cheese

half a small tomato chopped up

garlic and herbs Mrs. Dash

1/4 cup salsa

It was sooooo good. In addition, I drank only water all day even though I was very tempted by the sodas at lunch. I also worked out with Janel. All in all, it was a good day. Janel did ask if I wanted to do measurements, and I said no, let's wait awhile since I just got my eating back on track. I don't know guys - something clicked with the start of this challenge. I am SO happy to be back on track, finally, finally, finally! I'm not thinking about how much I have to lose, just working on eating right, getting my exercise, and drinking mostly water. The rest will fall into place.

Day 3, checking in.

2010-08-22T20:26:00.002-06:00

Well, I did not exercise today, since I hiked for like 3 hours yesterday. But eating has been great (1,617 calories), and I am drinking my water. I might make some tea in a bit here. It is pretty hot, but I'm getting a little bored of the plain water. And I'm not a huge fan of iced tea. We'll see!

I spent most of today going to church in the morning, and then cleaning my room and watching a lot of TV on my computer this afternoon. I'm working on laundry now, and I might even do some dishes. We got a new stove this weekend (had a gas leak a few weeks ago on the old one), and it has been soooooo nice to cook things again! So far I've made spaghetti, scrambled eggs, and cheese quesadillas. And I can say it is a very nice stove. It even came with a broiling pan! I am so excited to broil things! Steak... fish... yum.

That's all I've got tonight. See you all tomorrow. =)

Challenge Day 2... and hiking pics from today!

2010-08-21T17:50:00.003-06:00

So... day 2. As dumb as this is, I took today as my 1 day a week to not track calories. I know it is only day 2. But it is SO hard to track calories when I am hiking. We all share snacks, we eat things off bushes, we go out to eat at hole in the wall Himalayan restaurants. So it's a day off. Tomorrow will be back to the grind once more. On a good note, I have had lots and lots of water today!

I'm beat, and I have a ton of stuff to do here, mainly, clean my room. So I shall leave you with lots of pictures from today's hike, mostly wildflowers.

Beautiful pink wildflowers.

Neat looking tree.

I "antiqued" this with iPhoto.

Spooky trees.

Lovely purples.

Wild raspberries eaten off the bush are calorie-free, right?

A neat broken sign post in sepia tone.

Such lovely colors!

Red Indian Paintbrush flowers with mountains in the background.

Day one

2010-08-20T19:13:00.003-06:00

I am wrapping up Day 1 on the new challenge. So far, I feel that I have succeeded, though I cut it close with the calories today!

Calories Consumed: 1,695 (Trying to stay between 1500-1700, so just eked in under the line.)

Exercise: 1 hour on the treadmill on "Calorie Burn" mode, which switched up the ramp the whole time. I burned 545 calories, according to the treadmill. I'll take it!

Water: So far, I have had 4 full water bottles (so 96 oz. total) as well as a glass of water at breakfast. Yay!

The rest of the evening will be spent showering, maybe watching a show on Hulu, and getting ready to go hiking tomorrow morning with my work group.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Challenge beginning!

2010-08-20T07:38:00.003-06:00

Today marks the start of the challenge I discussed in yesterday's post. (Go look! There are hiking pictures there, too!)

Here are my starting stats. Then I'm putting the scale and the measuring tape away for a month until the last day of the challenge on September 20th.

Weight: 226.4

Waist: 42

Hips: 51

Calf: 16.5

Thigh: 27

I didn't really feel like doing any other measurements. I think those will be fine. So there you have it. Not in a good place weight wise, that is for sure. But, it is a good starting point for a challenge such as this.

I am off to a excellent start this morning with raisin bran, skim milk, and key lime yogurt. Now I must go to pack my healthy lunch and my gym bag!

Happy Friday, everyone!

A new challenge, and Grays Peak pictures!

2010-08-19T21:03:00.007-06:00

Let's start with the pictures! Here is a picture I took at the very start of the hike. You have to get over a bridge and turn a corner before you can see these guys, but really, we hadn't gone far at all before we could see them. The peak on the left is Grays, and the peak on the right is Torreys. Yes, they are just as far away as they look. From where this pictures was taken, it's just under 4 miles to the top of Grays.

This little guy is a Pika. They are super cute. They are kind of like real, live, squeaky toys. They squeak all the time, and I took it as a personal challenge whenever I heard a squeak to look around to see if I could find the Pika. I found this one!

And also this one, with the crazy eyes. I don't know if you can really see it in this picture, but he was collecting food or grass or something.

Okay, okay, back to mountains. I was fairly high up when I took this one. Just a lovely picture of the valley below!

Cool looking rock formation.

The view from the summit! Pictures will never do it justice. As soon as I got to the top, I nearly started crying. It was just so incredibly stunning. I have never seen anything quite as beautiful.

More valley! If you look closely, you can see the path... it's the tiny white line snaking about the middle of the picture, then you can follow it along the right side of the little hill there.

Here is a picture of Torreys peak from the summit of Grays. I did not have the chance to go over there, but I'll get it next time!

A nice man agreed to take a picture of me at the summit! I am exhausted and windblown, but I have to say... I've never felt as strong as I did when this picture was taken.

Now onto the challenge part of the post. Lindsay of Prior Fat Girl fame was challenged by one of her readers, and she extended that challenge out to the rest of us. And I think it is a great idea to jump into! I'm in the process of getting back on track, and feeling pretty good about it, but who can't use a great challenge? And this will be a challenge. Here are the rules that Lindsay is going by, with my tweaks and specifications in bold.

1. On Day 1, weigh in, take measurements, and then put away the scale and the measuring tape for one month. So the challenge is going August 20-September 20.

2. Stay within your calories 6 days a week. My calorie goal is between 1500 and 1700 per day.

3. Drink only water. (No diet soda.) I am all for giving up the soda, but I am allowing orange juice and skim milk in addition to water. Water will be, however, probably 90-95% of what I drink.

4. Work out 4-5 days a week.

5. At the end of the month (September 20) weigh and measure again.

So there it is! I will be checking in tomorrow morning with my weight (it's gonna be ugly, folks, be prepared!) and measurements. I'm getting really excited for this challenge. I am so, so ready to be back on track.

Goodnight, my friends! Sweet dreams of mountains and pikas to you all!

i am alive

2010-08-18T11:59:00.002-06:00

I am still here. I have been so busy at work lately, and then I come home and crash. I watch a show or two on Hulu and hit the sack. This weekend was especially busy.

On Saturday I went out with two of my housemates and we went hiking. I summitted my first 14er, Grays Peak, in 4 hours and 30 minutes. My housemates did both Grays and Torreys in that same amount of time, but I'm not trying to worry abut how fast or slow I was. I climbed a freaking 14,000+ foot mountain. It was awesome. I have a ton of pictures and a 360 degree view from the summit video that I will post later this week.

Saturday night, Sunday, and Monday I spent hanging out with my brother, who was in town for a few days before heading back to Michigan. It was great to see him. We kept busy watching movies, swimming, grilling, hot tubbing, and watching more movies. Oh, and going out to eat at the AMAZING breakfast restaurant Snooze, in Denver. Probably the most delicious food I have ever eaten. Ever. If any of you ever come to visit me, I will take you there.

Speaking of eating, today at least, is going well. Having Janel's support is so great, I honestly can't even tell you. She is worth far, far more than I pay. She is giving me recipes when we meet again on Thursday. She is my main motivation to get back on track. I want to do well in personal training - and I am. But I would be doing so much better if my eating was on track. Today, finally, I feel like I have it together again.

I had some raisin bran for breakfast. A handful of nuts for a midmorning snack. And for lunch just now I had a Lean Cuisine, a yogurt, and will eat a banana here in a few more minutes. I am feeling very proud of myself today!

That's all for now, I guess. I have to get back to work! I will try and get pics up tonight or tomorrow. =)

dehydrated?

2010-08-10T15:36:00.002-06:00

I think I am dehydrated. I have been really terrible about drinking my water for the past week, and I have been feeling very blah and tired. And I think it is because I need more water. Yes indeed. So I am filling up on it now! Especially with hiking coming up this weekend, being hydrated is essential. The more I can do to avoid altitude sickness, the better, I say.

I really didn't have much else to update on besides that. I have personal training tonight, I am going to ask to do weights. Just because I always need a day or two of recovery from weights and I don't want to wear my legs out on Friday before a 9 mile, (hopefully ) 2 summit hike.

14er-ing

2010-08-09T19:20:00.002-06:00

I am SOOOO excited for this weekend. This Saturday, along with my housemates and a friend, I am going to hike some 14ers. We are doing Grays and Torreys peaks. They are about an hour from Denver, which means we don't have to camp out the night before - we just need to leave early in order to ensure a good parking spot. (And a good parking spot means the difference between a 9 mile round trip and a 15 mile round trip.)

I am confident that I can summit at least one, if not both, of these peaks. I have been out hiking this summer and did well, even at 12,00o+ feet. I will bring lots of water and snacks so that 14,000+ is doable. I even got new clothes today! I went shopping at REI and came away with a membership, a pair of gray capri length hiking pants, and a white North Face hoodie that was on sale. Good deal. I am wearing them around the house now... they are so comfy... hehe. Thank you, REI, for having size 16 pants.

I cannot wait to go play in the mountains. I have not done enough of it, even living as close as I do. I just love being in nature and surrounded by beautiful scenery. My camera can't wait either. =) Hooray hooray hooray!!! I am so happy and excited for this weekend!

buddy taped

2010-08-04T13:04:00.002-06:00

Don't you think this whole healthy living process would be a lot easier if we were all buddy taped together? You would never ever be able to sneak ice cream or get away with not going out for your daily walk. Yes, it would make some things easier, having someone to look out for you. It could also make it a lot more annoying.

Speaking of buddy taping, yesterday was the first day I made it all day with my toes taped together. The whole first week of it being broken, I could not stand to have things touching the toe. I would walk around the office without shoes because it was more comfortable than having even the littlest part of my shoe touch my foot. But since I can now effectively buddy tape it to the toe next to it, I say my toe is on the way to healing. Hooray!

I changed my registration for the race in October to a half marathon instead of the full. Still a little bummed about that, but I guess it just wasn't my time. Now I'm looking towards the spring for a full marathon. I am also planning on doing a Triathalon next summer... Janel and her other clients who did the Tri on Sunday convinced me. I'm doing it.

What with not being allowed to run for the next month, I'm struggling to get in my exercise. I still work out with Janel twice a week, and she accomodates my toe very well. I just can't do things like mountain climbers. (Nor do I miss them...) Other than that, I can bike, do the elliptical, and swim. My gym has no pool, so that leaves the first two. I am working a fundraiser tomorrow through Saturday, so my plan is to be in the gym at least 4 days a week after this weekend. 5, if I can swing it time wise.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store and got $86 of all organic groceries. I got a lot of food, too! It should last me at least a week and a half, if not 2 weeks. I am excited to start making the switch to only organic food. I know I won't be able to control what I eat when I go out, but at home and at work, I am really working on making the healthiest possible choices.

That's it for now, everyone. Thanks for all your wonderful comments lately! I know I need to reply to a lot of you still! Going to try to by this weekend!

kinda heartbroken

2010-07-27T16:50:00.002-06:00

Health-wise, the worse possible news ever would probably be hearing that I could never ever run again.

The second worst news is hearing that I can't run for 6 weeks. I broke my toe this morning, and the doctor said running is the worst thing I could do, and I'm not allowed to even TRY until my toe feels 100% better and doesn't hurt at all.

Which means that I will not be able to run a full marathon this fall. I am really sad. I was planning the marathon for my 26th birthday and now I can't do it. I WILL run a marathon in my 26th year though, don't think I won't. As far as this fall... I know that Janel will keep me in shape even though I'll have to do some different exercises now. I am confident that I will be able to run the half marathon in October. But it really bums me out that I won't be ready for the full.

starting over

2010-07-26T08:43:00.002-06:00

Starting over is hard. I am still not all the way back to my usual habits, but I'm getting there for sure. Today I weighed in at 215, which is 4.4 pounds down from last Saturday's 219.4. I am going in the right direction again, hooray! While it sucks having to lose weight that I've already lost once, I am just thanking God that I didn't gain back all 50 pounds. 20 is bad enough.

I am getting excited for this process again. I am excited to gain back my control, and it is happening just a little more every day. I am excited to reattain my weight in the 100's, especially since I know it will look different than the last time I was there, because I have been working so hard with Janel.

Speaking of working with Janel... I am loving the changes I can feel in my body. I feel stronger, especially my back and shoulders. My shoulders even look more defined, which is so cool! I am also noticing that I am gaining stamina. In my first session with Janel, "bicycles" were so incredibly hard. Last week, I did 2 sets and made it through each of them thinking, "Wow, okay, that wasn't so bad! I didn't even think about wanting to take a break!" I am so proud of that. My next goal is to be able to do a whole set of standard pushups. NO knees on the floor. I did ONE just now, so I know that I will soon be able to work up to doing several in a row, and then a whole set.

In other news, yesterday was our lease signing for the house I am living in! My new roommates came over and we met with our landlord and signed the new lease. I am so happy that 1) I don't have to move, and 2) That my new roommates are awesome. (That said, my current ones are awesome as well and I will miss them!)

Lastly, a question: Do any of you cook just for yourself? If you do, do you have any good cookbooks or websites for small recipes? I love my current cookbooks (Jillian's Master Cookbook, BL cookbook, some others that I have picked up at work), but most of them have recipes that serve 4 people. I don't mind occaisionally having leftovers or freezables, but I don't have a ton of fridge/freezer space either, since I'm sharing with 3 other people. Any resources y'all can give me would be much appreciated!

triathalon...

2010-07-21T18:08:00.002-06:00

My trainer, Janel, trains a group of women every summer to do triathalons. Some of the women in the group are going to be doing the marathon in October and asked her to get them ready for it, and Janel invited me along on their Saturday runs starting in August. Sure, why not, I said. Then she invited me to come to the barbeque the group was having after their triathalon on the 1st. Somehow, I get the feeling I am going to be doing a triathalon next summer... I have to say, I am getting more than just personal training sessions for the money I paid. It is so obvious that Janel really cares how I am doing and wants to help and include me in things that she knows I would like. That just feels really good.

Speaking of feeling good... thank you all so much for your comments on my previous entry. I can't tell you how much every one of them meant to me, and how some of them even made me cry a little. I would never be able to make it through this journey without you all alongside me. I may have fallen, but what got me up was the rest of you being so kind and helpful and supportive. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Today was the first day where I have felt really good about my food intake. I had some raisin bran, yogurt, and cranberry juice for breakfast. I had an Eating Right frozen meal for lunch, along with an apple and peanut butter and another yogurt. I had a whole fruit popsicle for an afternoon snack, and now I am about to have delicious veggie filled stir fry for dinner! I just got back from a 3.5 mile run, so it is going to taste extra good I think!

embarrassed.

2010-07-17T20:16:00.003-06:00

I'm sure you can all figure out why I haven't been weighing in, or posting as much. I have spent the last few weeks... months... out of control. I simply have forgotten how to say "no", how to plan ahead, how to make good decisions. I have been eating whatever the hell I want to.

And I can't do that. I just can't. I need to completely re-teach myself everything I learned last October when I first started this journey. It's really embarrassing. I feel terrible writing this. I weighed myself this evening, even though I said I wasn't going to. 219.

219.

I can't believe I let myself get to this point again. Guys, I need help. It's like I see a number I don't want on the scale... or one of my shirts starts to get tight again... and I panic. And when I panic, I eat.

One of the other big things I am having a problem with is taking my meds. I keep forgetting to take them, and it is really screwing with me. I feel so much better when I take them, and I really do think they help me make better decisions. So why can't I remember to take them? It's not like it's a hard thing to do.

I'm going to go now. I'm going to get some of my weight loss books out and read them while I do laundry tonight. I am going to prep for my long run tomorrow, and then tomorrow morning, I am going to do it. I am going to plan tonight what I am going to eat tomorrow, and I'm not going to let anything stop me from staying on track. And I'm not going to focus on anything beyond tomorrow. If I try that, it's going to send me right back into panic mode.

Help?

2 weeks!!?!?!?!

2010-07-13T08:48:00.002-06:00

Okay, it's been two weeks since I last updated. That is unacceptable. Although, I was very busy in the meantime...

This weekend I was in New York being a bridesmaid in a wedding for one of my very good college friends. It was incredibly fun, and a beautiful wedding, but I am still so exhausted from it all. The wedding, the traveling back and forth to the wedding, the not sleeping a lot because I was rooming with my college roommate at the hotel and we had lots of catching up to do. Excuses, excuses. Change of subject...

I went from January 4th 2009 to sometime in March with no soda and extremely little caffiene.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I'm starting again. It's something I have done before, and I know I can do it again. I have been drinking more of both lately, and I just plain don't like how it makes me feel. So no more soda or caffiene until after July 13th, 2011. If then, even.

Okay, well, it's off to work for me. I need to get some water and then settle down and get some work done. Hope you are all having a great Tuesday!

it just figures...

2010-06-29T21:22:00.003-06:00

I go to the grocery store on Sundays usually. After church, before dinner and jazz with my neighbors. I usually feel like I look pretty cute, since I'm still kind of dressed up from church. I only ever see families and older couples.

Today I went to the grocery store after my workout with Janel. And the grocery store? FULL of guys. I am so serious right now. It's like every attractive male decided to go shopping tonight. And I am still in my ridiculously sweaty workout clothes. UGH. Hahaha. Just thought that was a funny story.

Truly, I don't care what anyone thinks about how I look after a workout. I mean, I feel awesome, and that's all that matters. Also, I especially don't care about guys at the grocery store... (Read: I might kind of care what one of neighbor boys thinks... but SHH!)

Anyway... my workout with Janel was insane today. I really felt like I was going to throw up a couple times, but I didn't, thank God! Here is what we did:

20 low jumping jacks

6 down-dog push-ups

30 mountain climbers

10 low plank leg lifts (10 per leg, btw.)

20 "supermans"

20 crunch style toe touches

10 leg lifts

20 crunch style toe touches

20 "supermans"

10 low plank leg lifts

30 mountain climbers

6 down-dog push ups

20 low jumping jacks

Even ONE cycle of this was so hard. We did FOUR. I was literally dripping sweat onto the mat after just one cycle. By the end of the hour, I was totally soaked. It was awesome. But Janel said next time we are doing it as a time trial... hopefully not til towards the end of my training. Apparently some people can do 4 cycles in like, 20 minutes. I am really thinking about doing this again, though, on my own. I mean, it was a great workout, and I can do everything without any equipment. It is a perfect "portable" workout... I think I'll try it next week when I am traveling for a wedding I'm in. Plus, the more practice I can get in on it, the better I'll do on my time trial, whenever that may be...

Well, despite the fact that I'm running in the morning, I am still going to shower tonight. I'm a sweaty sticky mess! (I know you really wanted to know!) I'm just going to rinse off though. Shampooing and the like can wait til after my morning run.

Happy Tuesday evening, everyone!!!

p.s. I feel SO happy right now! What a great mood! Thanks, endorphins!!!

I am a busy bee!

2010-06-23T15:34:00.003-06:00

I really am. It seems that my calendar is just getting more and more filled with wonderful things. Between work, personal training, and marathon training, there isn't a whole lot of room for other things. Yet I have also managed to squeeze in babysitting, dinner with a church friend, church, picking up my bridesmaid's dress and a Saturday field trip to Fort Collins. And that is just this week!

So I did something on Tuesday. I promised Janel (my personal trainer) that I would write down everything I ate for the next week. I am not keeping track of calories, though. That's just too much for me right now. But I am writing down what I am eating and when I am eating it. Even just knowing that Janel expects me to do this is keeping me on track.

Marathon training is going smoothly. I am training to finish, not for any sort of time goal, so it isn't very intense yet. I ran 5 miles on Sunday, and 3 yesterday. Tomorrow is 4, Saturday 3, and Sunday 6. Then I get a rest day on Monday before killing it at the gym with Janel on Tuesday. Training is really helping. I can literally feel myself getting stronger. I am going to have rock hard muscles in no time!

You might have noticed that I didn't do a weigh in post on Friday. Here are my reasons:

1. I was running late. (This is true, I was, I swear!)
2. I was up 5 pounds. 5 POUNDS!

There is no way that was real weight, and sure enough, the next day I was back down again.

I am just so tired of fighting myself. Fighting to get out the door to run. Fighting to choose healthy foods and appropriate amounts of them to eat. So, so, so tired of fighting. And the scale is not helping. I am finding that I am putting far too much emphasis on what it says. What I should be doing is focusing on how great I feel after completing an hour with Janel or a long run. On how muscles all over my body are just the slightest bit sore, even two days after training. I should be caring about what food I am fixing for myself, and celebrating when I make good choices.

I'm not going to post Friday weigh ins for awhile. Not until I can stop freaking out about what the scale says. Until then, I will still update on Friday (and sporadically throughout the week as well), but I will update with all the positive things I have done during the week.

I am very slowly climbing off this plateau that I have been stuck on for the last 2 months. And it is painfully slow, but I'm getting there.

just thinking

2010-06-16T22:06:00.003-06:00

I am really loving Jillian's new show, Losing It. I watched the most recent episode this morning on Hulu, and it's had me thinking all day. If I really loved myself, I would be taking better care of my body. I would be eating healthier and exercising more. But as you all know, I've really been struggling with that lately, although I do think I'm on the right track to regaining the momentum I had before this ridiculously long plateau.

Personal training today was awesome. My limbs feel like jello. And I really love Janel, my trainer. She is so easy to talk to, and she really pushes me. Which is what I'm paying for, haha. I'm going to be sad when this round of training is over if I can't afford more. Maybe I will be able to, maybe not, who knows. But I am loving it so far. It's another thing that has me thinking though... I am paying for training to be stronger, and help me lose weight. And anything I do contrary to that, like putting junk in my body, is basically screwing myself over. Going to training is making me really think about my nutrition priorities, I must say.

If I'm going to do this... personal training, as well as marathon training... I need to do it right.

happy!

2010-06-14T21:25:00.003-06:00

Happy 1st day of marathon training, everyone! Or, okay, maybe I'm just saying that to myself. =)

Today is the first day of marathon training. I ran a measly 3 miles on the treadmill, but I felt awesome. Somehow, today, I feel like a marathoner. I mean, I really feel different! I don't know why this is, but I like it! I desperately want to shower, but I am doing 4 miles in the morning tomorrow. It would kind of be a waste of water to shower tonight and also in the morning. Instead, I'm going to give myself a pedicure. My feet could use a little TLC, I think.

Confession: whenever I haven't gotten mail in a long time, I usually go to Amazon and buy something. It's almost always a book, and it is also always a book that I end up keeping. Today I really wanted to buy books about marathoning. But be proud of me: instead, I whipped out my library card and ordered NINE books to be delivered to my library. For free. Probably most of them I would not want to keep but if there is one or two that are really super useful, maybe I will buy them in the future. I am pretty sure I will have cleaned out the library of marathoning books for a couple weeks at least, hahaha.

Last but not least! Have you checked out the daily 3 yet? If you haven't, come check it out! (And then send me an email to join! everydaygrace.blog@gmail.com) Basically, it's a community where we all post 3 goals every day and then offer support to everyone else. So far, there are really only 2 of us posting, and we have a small band of followers. I am pretty sure if you want to join the community though, you don't even need to be a follower - the blog will show up on your dashboard and you can get to it that way! So come on over! I have found it very helpful so far, and I'm enjoying starting to think of new ways to challenge myself with my goals.

the daily 3

2010-06-11T08:01:00.006-06:00

I realized I have a few more minutes before I need to go to work. So I started a new blog... and I want you to write for me! (And don't worry, this blog isn't going anywhere!)

The new blog is called The Daily 3. The purpose? For members to post 3 goals, every day. (Or as many days a week as you want, when you get the chance.) Once you have done a post, the next day, if you want to, you can give a quick recap of how you did with the previous days goals before posting your new goals. Also, your goals don't have to change day to day - if you are still working on something, go ahead and tackle that goal every day for as long as you need to!

So much of this weight loss/management journey is about reaching goals - whether they are weight related, general health related, exercise related. And it really does help to have people asking you... how did you do today? I would hope that members would comment on the entries of the other people posting... not all of them, obviously, but when you can. I want us to be a team.

Interested in joining? Leave a comment with your email address, or shoot me an email at everydaygrace.blog@gmail.com. I'll invite people until Blogger tells me I can't. (So, I can have 99 more people, at this point.)

Here's the link to the new blog: http://thedaily3team.blogspot.com/

Have a great day! =)

turning it around

2010-06-11T07:20:00.002-06:00

Last week: 203.4

This Week: 203.2 (-.2)

Well, at this rate, I will reach my goal in like, 3 years. NO thanks! Instead of focusing on how lame it is that I am only down .2, let's focus on the good things I have been doing.

1. I have been getting a lot more water these past few days.

2. I have been packing my lunch for work. And eating a lot less crap at work.

3. I went to the gym... but only yesterday. I am going tonight though, for my session with Janel. And I'm long running on Sunday. Official marathon training for October starts Monday. I'm super excited, and also insanely nervous.

That's it guys. Sorry so short, but I have to go to work! Long day with lots of stuff to do before training. But here are my goals for today... I'll report when I get back tonight, with a write up of my training session.

Goals:

1. Drink at least 5 glasses of water at work.

2. No soda. (Backslid much on this one...)

3. No chocolate or snacks other than popcorn at work, unless they are snacks I bring from home.

a few things to say

2010-06-10T19:09:00.003-06:00

1. I am completely in love with the new Blogger templates and layouts and such. I am taking a break from black and pink for this nice summery background. I really like it a lot!

2. I have a training session with Janel tomorrow. I might die. I can't wait!

3. At my gym, they have bikes that are practically video games. You have to steer, and you have a screen that shows the path you are doing. They also have a game. You ride your bike, and steer around to pick up coins. Once you have a coin of a certain color, then you have to go catch a dragon of the same color. Some dragons are at the tops of hills, or are really fast, so you get more points for catching those ones. These dang dragons are going to make me enjoy riding the bike.

4. Have you checked out the pages at the top of my blog? I have one called "50 Pounds" which consists of photos of items that are around 50 pounds. My mom helped me take them at Target. The other is progress pics... and I just added a new one! It's a terribly lighted self picture I took with the help of a mirror, but nonetheless, it is the first of my "during" pictures. In this photo, I actually have a waistline. How exciting!

5. Off to open my windows and enjoy the sounds and smells of the thunderstorm!

quick update

2010-06-04T05:36:00.002-06:00

Last Week: 204

This Week: 203.4 (-.6)

Half a pound. Better than nothing, and a move in the right direction, but still, SO frustrating. I will admit that this week has been crazy hectic though. One of our biggest fundraisers of the year for work starts this morning, and the last two days have been set-up and prep for it. Today is going to be insane. It's a book sale, and on the first day is when all the bookdealers come, and just tons of people in general so they can have first pick. (Too bad for them I took all the good books already, haha! Okay, well, I took 16 of the good books... out of 95,000.)

Also we have had people cooking for us and all our volunteers, so I've been eating the provided food instead of my own, which I am sure contributes to the small loss.

Well, I have a lot to do today! I have to be at the sale by 7:45, but I also have to stop at the grocery store for supplies, and at Starbucks for a coffee, or I will not make it through the morning. I'm not one for drinking caffeine, and I will be glad when I can stop again next week, but it is going to be pretty dang necessary for the next few days.

Bolder Boulder Race Report

2010-05-31T13:37:00.002-06:00

Holy cow, you guys. This was the most fun race I have ever run. It was so awesomely entertaining, and even funny at times. There were lots of people in costume (which I SO want to do next year, but not on my own... volunteers?), great music several times a mile, TONS of spectators, some of who were passing out the following: marshmallows (really, more thrown at us than passed, haha), bacon (2 stations!), donuts, peanuts, lemonade, otter pops, beer, jungle juice, and tequila shots. None of these were official - just people out in front of their house, haha. It was grand. There were also lots and lots of sprinklers, which was so nice. It was HOT by the time my wave got started at 8:49:10.

My personal goal was to be in under 1:20. I didn't achieve it - my final time was 1:22:13. Which isn't bad! I loved that BB tracked our splits. My fastest mile was 12:04 (WOWZER!), and that was mile 1. My slowest mile was 13:53, which was mile 4. Overall, my average mile time was 13:14, which is 29 seconds per mile faster than my half marathon times from two weeks ago. While it is obviously a shorter race, and I did push it a little extra due to the shorter distance, I am more than pleased to have knocked 29 seconds off my average mile time.

While I didn't hit my goal time, I did still PR! I bettered my 10K time by 17:12. I just can't bring myself to be disappointed. I have a new 10K PR, and I had an amazing, amazing time running this morning.

I highly recommend doing the Bolder Boulder if you never have. It was such a great experience. Also, it is the 2nd largest 10K in the nation. There were 56,000+ running today. That's bigger than a lot of marathons! Anyway. Incredible morning. I didn't stay to watch the pros run, but my housemate Carter did. Can't wait to hear what that was like. I probably would have stayed if

1. I thought I could have found Carter in the mass of people.

and

2. If I had brought sunscreen. Thank god for the volunteer coming around with sunscreen while we were waiting for our time to go. I am sure I sweated it off within a mile or two, but it helped. I am a little dark, but not burned.

Now I am debating whether I want to go lay out in the backyard or if I want to shower and go shopping for a swimsuit... I think I will go with the latter, and then if it is still hot out when I get back, I can lay out.

Lastly... should you decide you want to come do Bolder Boulder next year, let me know. I have couches! =)

let me tell you what

2010-05-30T13:30:00.002-06:00

It is HOT here these days!!! It doesn't even bother me that much that it's been like 90 degrees lately, since there isn't really much humidity. Still, when I was out picking my race packet for tomorrow, I also stopped at Target and picked up some running shorts, a new sports bra, and a running tank. GOOD IDEA, self. Yesterday evening I went out for a run, it ended up being about 4 miles. I really want to run today, but I'm not going to, seeing as how I have the BolderBoulder tomorrow morning. (A 10K.)

Last night I found out awesome news - I am not going to have to move in July! I met with my future housemates this weekend and we were originally just going to talk about moving in together, and where we might like to find a house. But then they decided they really liked the house I live in now, and the boyfriend of one of the girls is going to move in too! So the four of us will be living in the house I am in now. HOORAY! I am thrilled not to have to move, and I am so excited to live with Tanya and Suzanne and Mike. In celebration, I cleaned and rearranged my room. Gotta change things up every once in awhile, right? Especially since I'll be here another year.

Well I had probably better get out and about... have to shower and then go to the store for grocery shopping. Then it's church, and scoping out where I need to park to catch the shuttle to Boulder tomorrow!

I hope you are all having excellent holiday weekends... anyone doing anything exciting?

told you, not pretty

2010-05-28T06:44:00.002-06:00

Starting Weight: 250.3

Last Weigh In: 199.6

Today: 204

UGH. +4.4

I knew it was going to be bad. I deserve it after these past few weeks. But I'm owning up to it now, I ate a lot of crap and didn't exercise. That's changed though. I'm back at it with a vengeance. May was a pretty big gain month. But that trend is over now. The end.

I had a great workout last night, and I'm feeling it today. I have exactly two weeks until I meet with Janel again. So my goal is to be back in the 190s by that time.

I can do it. I will do it.

Goal weight reward suggestions, anyone?

2010-05-27T20:14:00.004-06:00

Hey friends!

So after sleeping extremely well last night, I woke up today so sore. From those dang 18 pushups. I felt it throughout the day as I would reach for things at my desk. Then, right as I was walking into my gym after work... I got a muscle cramp in my arm. Yikes! So much worse than just being sore! I kind of massaged it for a few minutes and then got to working out. Might as well, right? I think exercising actually kind of helped loosen it up, which is good. I did half an hour on the elliptical and then half an hour on the treadmill. I was very much sweaty when I left. I put in about 4.5 miles between the two machines and burned a little over 500 calories. Gooooood workout.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I haven't done it since the first week of the month. I've been slacking, and we all know it. But weigh in will happen. It won't be pretty... but I will deal. I am feeling good about the future, and I know that I am not stopping this process of becoming healthier anytime soon.

I was thinking while I was showering after dinner just now, that I am going to redo my rewards system. I think for the rest of this time, I am going to do rewards at every 10 pounds. 60 pounds lost (190) will still be mani/pedis with Carter, provided she is still in town. (Oh gosh, it better come sooner than the end of July!!) 70 pounds down (180) will be... some new running gear that I am sure I will need for my marathon training - probably new shoes, a fuel belt, socks, shorts maybe. That kind of stuff.

80 pounds down (170) will be... I don't know yet! At 170 I may be winding down the weight loss and starting to focus more on maintenance and/or finishing up marathon training. (I hope this is how the timeline goes anyway...) If you all have good suggestions for a final goal prize, let me know. I have an idea... but I want to hear what you all have to say! You might think of something totally better than what I am thinking!

Well, it is time for me to relax on the couch and watch my Netflix movie, The Time Traveler's Wife. I've heard it is very sad, but I have been wanting to watch it for awhile.

See you all back here tomorrow morning!

redefining my goals

2010-05-26T21:16:00.003-06:00

Tonight was my first official session of personal training, in which we mostly did fitness testing.

Before we did any of the tests, Janel took measurements. She did caliper measurements on 7 different parts of my body, and took a bunch of girth measurements as well. We didn't do anything with these numbers until the end of the session. Next were the fitness tests.

First we did sit ups. I was a few below average for my age. Then we did pushups. For someone who has never done a pushup ever, I did 18 in a minute. And I am STILL feeling it! Haha. I was a little more below average on these than the sit ups. However, Janel did say that I had very good form, and that is really good to see, even though I am below average on reps! After that, we did a flexibility test, which I was still slightly below average on. Ah well. Next we did a heart rate test on the treadmill, spending 2 each minutes in increasing heart rate zones. So for 2 minutes my heart rate was between 110-120. Then I spent 2 minutes between 120-130. And so on, until I finished with 2 minutes at about 165ish. This was my favorite test... because I got to run on a treadmill. I am good at that. =)

Then after cooling down we sat down in the office and she did all sorts of calculations with the measurements. This is where redefining goals comes in.

According to the caliper tests, about 126 of my current ~200 pounds are lean muscle. This is apparently very good! After doing some calculations for my goal body fat percentage (24-26%), my goal weight is... 170.

While part of me is disappointed that I may never reach 100 pounds lost, most of me is relieved. For one thing, that means I may only have about 30 pounds left to lose instead of 50. Also, I mentioned that it seemed to me to be a high number for someone who is as short as I am (I'm 5'4"). Janel assured me that yes, I may be shorter, but I just naturally have a more muscular build, and to get much lower than that weight, I would be losing muscle mass, not fat, and that isn't a good idea. I can't argue with that. Even if caliper tests have a little bit of a margin of error, I doubt that it would change my goal weight very much. Maybe 5 pounds, at most, is my completely uneducated and random guess.

So I may never weigh less than 165 or 170. I think I'm okay with that. It might take a little getting used to. I can't deny the fact that being at goal weight by the end of the summer would be amazing. And, I think, attainable.

I was also surprised that my goal calorie intake for the day should be around 1850. I am excited that part of this training package includes working with Janel on food as well. She is sending me info for the website she and all the rest of her clients use for tracking food and exercise, and then she will be able to see what I am doing and make suggestions. I think I am getting my money's worth, that's for sure.

Because we are both very busy next week, our next session is scheduled for Friday, June 11th, with a possible session before than on the 9th, if she has time. We are going to try to get in two sessions a week, but if there are some weeks with just one, that will be fine too. I am pretty good at staying on track as far as exercise goes.

I am really, really excited about training this summer. I think with Janel's help, I will reach my goals faster, and stay more motivated as well.

Things are looking up! Now I am off to have a quick snack (it's 9:45 already? EEP!), a shower, and bed!

working through things

2010-05-25T22:35:00.003-06:00

I have been struggling with my weight a long time. Maybe for 15-ish years. More than half my life, at least.

When I started exercising a lot and eating healthier back in October, I knew my life had changed forever. And I still feel that way.

But it is so much a harder struggle now that I am half done. For me, it's not getting easier. At least it hasn't lately. All I did today was eat. I even had a PLAN last night for today... and I didn't follow through. These days, it is far more likely I have a bad day than a good day.

This isn't how my big change is supposed to be going.

It's so easy to feel disheartened when you get off track during this process. This isn't the first time that I've "fallen off the wagon" so to say. And I've always gotten right back on. It's taking me longer this time, but I'm catching up.

It's the hard times like these that really make you examine... why AM I doing this?

I want to be healthier. I want to be able to shop in whatever store I want. I want to surprise my college friends who haven't seen me in a couple years at a wedding this summer. I want to RUN ridiculously long distances. I want to look better. I want to have more energy.

I'm keeping at it. I am realizing more and more every day just how FOR LIFE this whole thing is. It's a little scary!

I am really excited to go to the gym tomorrow and have my first training session with Janel (had to cancel last week due to the tooth). The first session is mostly fitness testing. And I am going to do my very best. I am one of those crazy people that loves exercise, as much as it hurts. I WANT Janel to kick my ass, haha. (I guess I wouldn't be paying for it if I didn't, huh?)

I'm not sure where I wanted to go from here. Maybe there is nothing more to say tonight. I ordered two cookbooks from Amazon today, and I am hoping they will have some new recipes and ideas for me. I am not so good at thinking of things to make, especially healthy things. Revamping my food plan is most of what I need to do to be back on track. And I will. Even if it means cooking my own food most nights of the week, I'll do it.

A random thought to end this post with:

I really wish I liked salad more.

Goodnight, friends.

healing

2010-05-22T20:38:00.002-06:00

Sorry it's been so long since I posted! Most of the past week consisted of me going to work and then coming home and being in bed by 8 at the latest... usually by 7:30 though. Yesterday I managed to stay up until 11... but then I slept until 11 this morning, haha. I am still taking Percocet to control my tooth pain, but I've only needed to use it at night. The rest of the time I can get by with ibuprofen. I'm also taking lots of antibiotics.

I really hope that I can go for a run tomorrow. It is killing me not to be running, but I am so tired all the time. It was so nice today, but I pretty much stayed inside and laid around all day. I feel like a bum.

Wednesday and Thursday I forgot to take my regular morning meds... which are my antidepressants and my birth control. So in addition to tooth stuff, I've also got crazy random hormones going on too. Bleh. My weight has been up and down this week, and by the time I realized I should have weighed in, it was Friday afternoon. So I just said forget it, I'll get back to it next week.

Well... it is 9:30, and I was ready for bed an hour ago. So I'm going now. Goodnight!

infection city

2010-05-18T17:26:00.002-06:00

The good news is that I do not have TMJ!!!

The bad (really bad) news is that I have an abscessed tooth. Major infection in there. While I am thrilled to have a correct diagnosis and drugs that will actually HELP, I am less than excited about getting a root canal down the road. But I guess it must be done.

If you have never had an infected tooth, don't get one! Haha. Not much you can do to stop it though. I thought the pain was unbearable before I went to the dentist. Then they took the xray. I have never hurt so bad in my life. It might have even been more painful than my whole wisdom teeth ordeal.

Well I just took some pain killers, the kind that will actually kill some pain, and now I am going to make a scrambled egg and hope I can choke it down. (I love eggs, it just hurts a lot to swallow.) Then I will take my antibiotic and go to sleep. Don't really care if I go to bed at 7, seeing as how I got maybe only 2 good hours of sleep last night.

oddly proud

2010-05-17T17:23:00.002-06:00

I have 2 nice little purple toenails today. They make me feel accomplished. They are twins too, both on the second toe on each foot. It will be interesting to see if they fall off before the wedding I am in in July, or if they will still be there looking ugly. I wonder what the nail person will say... hahaha.

In other news, my ear might explode! No really. I have been in massive facial pain since Thursday night, so I went to the doctor on Friday and got diagnosed with TMJ. Which I knew nothing about until Friday. So most of the left side of my head is sore in some way or another, mostly in my jaw area, up through my ear. My ear has been popping all day, and feels so full. Hence explosion. I have a dentist appointment for Wednesday morning, and hopefully they can do something for this pain. I do not want to be waking up in the middle of the night having to put ice on half my face just so that I can go back to sleep. (No joke, that is what happened last night!) Do any of you have TMJ? If so, what in the world do you do to relieve it? My NSAIDs hardly do anything for me, so far ice is the only thing that has helped.

Well it is looking like it is going to rain soon, and I really need to get a run in today. I know how insanely crazy that sounds after running 13.1 miles yesterday. I don't know why I feel this need to get out, but I think if I do it, I might loosen up a little, and that would be grand. So I'm going to try to beat the rain... and if it doesn't rain, I might go out with Carter for a walk later, too!

race report, and way too much tmi

2010-05-16T18:06:00.004-06:00

5:00 AM: Why the heck am I up so early? What if I were just to go back to sleep? Nah, I guess I will get up and get ready.

5:45: Breakfast of a banana bread oatmeal bar with peanut butter, and a glass of orange juice. Out the door at 6 with my backpack.

6:25: Wow, is the bag-check line ever long!!! I hope I'm not here forever...

6:35: Suck down a gel and find the 14:00/mile pace corral. Stretch a little, keeping moving, as it is COLD and I had to leave my fleece in my backpack.

6:45: Start time! After this, it's all by the mile.

Mile 1: Carter and Kate, my housemates, were waiting at Mile 1 and were cheering for me! It was so nice to see them, even for a few seconds.

Mile 2: This is where the first clock was. I hit mile 2 at 29:30 and kind of freaked out that I was going so slow, so I picked it up a little. Then I remembered that 29:30 was the gun time, not my chip time, as it took a few minutes to get over the start from the last corral. Stopped freaking out. Kept the pace up though, as it felt good and was fairly easy to hold.

Mile 4: Time for another gel. This one started to give me a bit of an upset stomach. I was drinking my water and everything, but for some reason, despite the fact that they worked perfectly during training, my stomach was rebelling. I was pretty gassy for the next few miles. Sorry, people running behind me. Time check: 54 something, I think.

Mile 6: Time check: 1:21 something. Not bad. Picked up the pace again. This is when it really hit me how much better I was doing than last year. Last year, at 6 miles, I was already feeling bad. This year, I felt great, and spent the next few miles passing quite a few people. Not that I wasn't passed myself, I was. But I was doing very nicely keeping my pace up and feeling good about it.

Mile 8: Took another gel, my last. Refilled my water bottle with several cups from the nice volunteers.

Mile 9: Oh crap. My stomach is not happy with me. How long is it until the next port-a-potties?

Alert: Extreme TMI to follow.

Mile 10: YES! Port-a-potties!!! Never thought I would be so glad to see them. I sure did learn my lesson about checking before going in though. By the time I realized there was no toilet paper, it was too late. I thought for a minute, then did what any logically thinking, self-respecting runner would do. I took off my underwear, used them to clean up, and then threw them into that nasty blue water type stuff. Finishing the race commando was actually not bad at all. Perhaps even more comfortable... Told you, way too much TMI. Next time, I'm packing my own paper, though.

Mile 11: Starting to get a little tired. Feeling really hot, and my fingers look like sausages. Start chugging more water.

Mile 12: Tired. Tired. Tired. 1.1 miles to the finish line. Took a few 20 second walking breaks, but determined that running still felt better than walking. Filled my water bottle again. Time check: 2:46 something. Remind me why I paid for this torture again?

Finish: 3:01:30 gun time. I got my chip cut off, my medal, and a water bottle, then made my way to the pavilion for free stuff. I got a lot of free food and samples and such. Also we got sandwiches or tacos from a local bbq joint. I went for a pork sandwich, and ended up just eating the meat out of it and tossing the bun, haha. Got a beer from the beer garden, but only drank like a quarter of it. It was freaking delicious though. Everyone should always get beer after finishing a race. Lastly, I got a free 10 minute massage. It felt amazing. So glad I stopped and had that done, or my back and shoulders would feel a looootttt more tight than they are now. Thanks, people from Kaiser!

Official time is 2:59:31! I was having trouble because my official time wasn't posted, but it has just been updated, thanks to some awesome race staff. So let's see. That makes today a PR, obviously. Overall, 1/2 Marathon PR of 27:03. And compared to last year, same race, I bettered my time by 41:08. Um, awesome much!?!?!?!?

I spent every day since signing up for this race looking forward to it. Excited. Antsy. Proud of myself.

Today, I spent all day wondering why the hell people pay to run crazy long distances. It hurts!

Tomorrow, I will be looking forward to my full marathon in October. I will spend every day until then being excited, antsy, and proud of myself.

Running is crazy.

Currently taking bets on how many of my toenails I will lose in the next few weeks. At least one is looking probable...

i feel good

2010-05-13T19:11:00.002-06:00

I have to say one thing about this new job I am doing. It is great for my self esteem. I hear several times a day how great I am and how happy everyone is to have me in the office. I still feel like there is a lot I don't know, and that's true. But I'll pick it up. And I really like what I'm doing, so that helps too.

I feel good about my race on Sunday. I think I'll try to get out for a few miles tomorrow after All Staff day, which ends at 4, I think. I am planning on walking to the Expo on Saturday morning, and hanging out there for as long as I'm not bored. Then I'm babysitting in the late afternoon/early evening, making something good for dinner, and then relaxing and mentally preparing before going to bed early.

I'm not weighing in tomorrow. It is a very long day, and I don't want to give my body or brain any extra reason to stress should I have a gain. That is the last thing I need before a race. So I'll do it next week.

I'm watching Spirit of the Marathon again right now. Good DVD to get me pumped up for Sunday... and for October.

my birthday's coming up!

2010-05-13T06:37:00.002-06:00

Okay, not until October. I didn't really think I could fool you there.

But this morning I bought myself a 26th birthday present. It's kind of scary.

For my 26th birthday, I'm running 26 miles. I haven't been able to get it out of my head for weeks now that I should do a marathon for my birthday. And today the Denver Marathon had a promo going, so I saved $13 bucks on my registration (and may have also won a giftcard to P.F. Changs!), so I waited until today to sign up.

I am still kind of in shock. Do I believe I can do it? Actually... yeah. I do. Maybe I will be the last one across the finish line, but I can do it.

I'm really excited about this. I have been running for years, and now I am going to be running my first marathon. For my 26th birthday.

Perfect timing I think.

i am a klutz. and what do i need from costco?

2010-05-11T06:42:00.002-06:00

No joke. After work last night I went to the bank with my boss so we could get me a debit card for our account. The sprinklers were going, and both of us wanted to avoid the sidewalk being watered, so we cut through a bed of small rocks.

Bad plan, batman.

I totally tripped over a rock and banged up my knee on the sidewalk on the other side of the rocks. I do not think it will affect my race on Sunday. I think by then it will just be a nice bruise/scab. But right now, it is still kind of raw... fresh scab, very bruised, red, swollen, painful. My whole knee is stiff.

I am not trying to complain, really. I mean, it hurts, but I'll be okay. I just think it is funny that I managed to injure myself so badly by tripping over a rock. Sigh.

In other news, one of my good friends from my volunteer year last year is flying in tonight! I'm really excited to see him and get to hang out a little this week. Before going to get him at the airport, my friend Hol is taking me to Costco, where I will stock up on a large bag of almonds (my snack of choice at work).

Does Costco have other things I should look at? If you shop at Costco or another store like it, tell me what kinds of healthy things are there that I should get!!!

thanks, cute boys!

2010-05-09T11:17:00.003-06:00

Today I did my last long distance run before the race next week. I ran 11.25 miles, walking probably close to a mile of that, or maybe just slightly more. I didn't keep track of time, and I do kind of wish I had checked the time before I left the house at least. But I didn't. Alas.

I felt pretty good today. By the time I got home, my feet were killing me, I was super hot, and was just sore all over. I'm sure that is how I will feel next week, too. But until next week, I wanted to write down some things I need to remember on raceday:

1. Put bodyglide on my feet.

2. Take more than 1 gel. Ideally, 3 just to be safe.

3. Pack some ibuprofen to take around mile 6 or so.

4. Wear better socks.

Umm, that's all I can think of for right now. All in all, it was a good run. It was also fun getting lots of encouraging comments from cute boys, and just trading good mornings with pretty much everyone out on the trail.

Here is one interesting thing that happened, though. I was wiped out by the start of my last lap around the park. Halfway through the last lap, I somehow managed to pick up my speed. If that isn't weird enough right there, it actually felt BETTER to go faster than slower. Ahh, the wonders of the human mind and body. Don't know what happened there, but if I can recreate it a week from now, I'll be one happy camper.

As much as it hurts... I love being a runner.

late friday post

2010-05-07T20:52:00.004-06:00

Totally didn't have time to write this morning - it was the last day in our present offices, and on Monday we are in the new ones full time, so it was all day packing at work. Let's just start off with the normal stats.

Start: 250.3

Last Week: 197.6

This Week: 199.6 (+2)

Well, that's not much of a surprise, is it? We all know what I had going on, and while it's not a good excuse, it is the truth. But things are looking up!

Guess what I did yesterday! I joined a new gym. It's an Anytime Fitness gym, which means I have 24 hour access to the gym, but it isn't always staffed. It's not going to be too much of a problem though, since I am almost always going to be able to be there during staffed hours, or I will be there with my trainer. (So don't freak out, mom! Haha.)

Yes. You read correctly. I am going to be working with a trainer. I had a free session today, which was kind of just seeing where I am at, and trying out some new exercises. And it was awesome. I completely love Janel, and I cannot wait to start working with her. Is it going to cost me an arm and a leg? Oh yes. However, I can at least swing the 20 session package with some of my tax refund money and some of my new paycheck. I may have to cut out my weekly Starbucks and some meals out every month... but dang is it going to be worth it. After those 20 sessions (10 weeks) I will evaluate and see how the finances can handle it. But what is really nice is that during the sessions, we work on cardio, resistance, AND nutrition. How awesome is that? Also, she will work with me to plan workouts for the rest of the week when we aren't together. So I'll always have a trainer approved plan. =)

The other nice thing about Anytime is that while it had a pretty steep enrollment fee ($99), they use it to register you for their website. And on their website, you can track calories, track exercise, track weight and other measurements, discuss things with other members... kind of like a very mini SparkPeople just for members of Anytime. I am enjoying it a lot. Once I actually start working with Janel, she will have access to my page, so she'll be able to see what I'm eating and make suggestions for me. She also told me she teaches a triathalon class in the summer... and I'm actually considering doing it. She invited me to come to one of the swim sessions for free one of these weeks, and I just might. Of course, actually doing a triathalon is probably not in the cards for this summer... I have been doing some thinking though, and will have decided by next week what my plan of attack for the summer and fall is. Right now, I'm leaning towards doing another race.

What with joining the gym and starting to track calories again... I think I'm back on track. I'm feeling good again, and it is really nice. Tomorrow I have to run a few errands, but I think I will probably go for a walk before my last long run on Sunday. I cannot believe my race is only 9 days away. I'm slightly nervous, but mostly so insanely psyched.

Well, it's time for me to hit the showers. I am smelling pretty gross from the workout this evening... I didn't do a ton of work with Janel, we mostly talked, but then I ran a couple miles before coming home. So yeah. Shower time.

Happy weekend, everyone! =)

change. losing control.

2010-05-02T20:28:00.003-06:00

My last day at the YMCA was on Friday. I have been working all this weekend at my once a month job, and it is also my last weekend for that job. My new job starts tomorrow, and I am so very excited, and just a tiny bit nervous... but that is to be expected, I would think.

But that is not what I want to blog about really.

Girls and guys, I am seriously, seriously struggling. I cannot seem to control my eating, and I don't know what happened. I've been like this for almost two weeks now. I hate it. It's like my body reverted back to September, when all it knew how to do was binge. I feel like I have forgotten everything I learned about being healthy... just threw it out the window. Having lost 50 pounds, the absolute last thing I want to do is gain ANY of it back. I still have another 50-60 pounds to lose. It's not gonna happen by eating everything I see.

I am so frustrated. I ate like crap yesterday, and felt like it this morning. I literally had like a food hangover. I hated the feeling, and didn't realize how much better I actually felt eating good food. Eating well does make an incredible difference. I don't want to feel that food hangover feeling ever, ever again.

I feel like I just can't seem to get it right. I am feeling guilty. I am feeling like a horrible weight loss blogger, and I am being a horrible example.

I want to get back my healthy eating. I want to get back my going to the gym every day after work. And I want to do these things before it is too late. I don't want to go any further down this unhealthy road. This has got to stop. Now.

Have any of you been in this situation before? If you have, what pulled you out of it?

I am going to start reading some emotional eating books, and I'm going to restart the Beck book. I just need to get my mind back in the game. Because these last couple weeks have been terrible.

I want my life back.

really quick friday weigh in

2010-04-30T06:24:00.003-06:00

Start: 250.3

Last Week: 197.8

This Week: 197.6

I don't know how I have a loss this week, even one as miniscule as .2. I did run 7.5 miles on Sunday, but I didn't go to the gym at all the rest of the week. I ate terribly. Who knows. I am thrilled that I didn't gain.

I am going to check out a new gym after work today. There are a couple in the area of my new job, so I may try to get to a few more this weekend. I'm really excited for this one though, especially since they offer kettlebell classes!!! So anyway, that will be fun.

Today is my last day at the YMCA. I'm excited, but it's going to be a little bittersweet. No matter how much they could get on my nerves and drive me crazy, I love my 1 year olds so, so much. A couple families have asked if I ever wanted to babysit, so I know that I will get to see at least a few of them in the future. =)

Okay. I'm out. Landlord is showing the house today which means I need to finish cleaning! Then it's the bank and Starbucks before I need to be at work by 8 AM. Happy Friday, all!

20 minutes

2010-04-26T21:36:00.002-06:00

I have 20 minutes until lights out. With my new job starting next Monday, I no longer have the luxury of sleeping in. I will have to be at work at 8:30, which is kind of when I wake up right now, haha. So as of last night, I am working on training myself to get up early. Lights out is at 10, and the alarm goes off at 6:15. I was really tired today, but I'm hoping that by getting in the habit now, next week won't be so hard.

I have really been struggling a lot these past few days. And not just with exercise and eating.

I've been feeling kind of lonely. Right now, I can handle it, because I have my housemates. But next year, I may be on my own. And if I am, I think I will like it and do well. I'm not really worried about housing. One of my housemates, and my best friend in Denver, is going back to school next year. And I am so excited for her. But it is going to be hard to not have her here, simply as a friend. I don't have a lot of friends here. I am trying to get more involved in church things, but until my schedule is less up in the air, I can't commit to much. For some reason it feels like an incredibly hard thing to do... to find friends.

I was supposed to run 9 miles on Sunday, but only made it 7.5. I was hurting, and to be honest, I also wanted to make it to the bar to watch the Red Wings game. I didn't workout tonight because I slept funny, and my back and shoulder have been killing me all day. Tomorrow is my housemate's birthday, and we are going out as soon as I get off work, so I'm not working out tomorrow either, unless I walk at lunch... actually, that is a possibility. I will probably do that.

My eating has not been great. I'm stressed, which is no excuse, I am just having a hard time remembering that when I am stressed, food does not help anything. I do have other things available besides eating... like reading a book, or writing, or cleaning, or praying.

Sorry this update is all over the place. I am trying to get used to this huge change that is happening this week and next, and I'm not dealing with it well. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. But I'm also overly emotional and anxious. Argh.

Well, it is 9:59, so I better wrap up. I forgot about my clothes giveaway... if you want any of these clothes, leave a comment on that entry. Some are already taken, but the gold shirt, the dresses and the skirt are still up for grabs. Physicallee Fit and Jessie, shoot me an email at everydaygrace.blog@gmail.com with your mailing addresses and I'll get your clothes out to you this week.

Goodnight, friends!

Jackpot!

2010-04-24T17:49:00.002-06:00

I love outlet shopping! I spent a bit of money today, but I got a TON of stuff!!!

First off, I should also say that I only bought clothes from two stores. One was the Gap, which I haven't shopped at in years, and the other was Ann Taylor, where I have never shopped before. I've never been able to, until now.

Okay, Ann Taylor. Two pairs of pants, one black, one a brownish color I can't really describe. Greyish brown? I don't know, but a really pretty color. A lighter weight black kind of wrap-around sweater, but it is all attached. No strings or anything to tie. Two really pretty tank tops that are totally office appropriate worn under a sweater or cardigan. (They also look great with jeans!) New. Favorite. Store.

The Gap. Two cami tops, one is black, one is salmon with little white polka dots. Both have lace at the neckline. One black cardigan. One long sleeve white button down shirt. One kind of more casual light pink shirt with a keyhole back. I also got a bottle of Dream body spray, which I used to use back in college... one of my favorite scents!

So those were all the clothes. I really think with what I already have in my closet, I can really make a lot of combinations and great outfits. Along with a pretty silver necklace, and a pair of earrings... all that stuff ran me a grand total of $214.22. Which is a lot less than I thought I would have to spend. Total for these purchases, I saved $110.98. Um, AWESOME!?!?!?! Thank you outlets!!!!!

I also bought myself a present... which was another hundred dollars. But since I saved $152 on it, I don't feel bad at all. I am considering it a tax refund/new job present to myself. It is a beeeeeautiful Coach purse. I have one Coach bag already, a really super cute Swing Pack, is what they call it on the website, haha. It is awesome for when I don't want to haul lots of stuff around. My wallet, keys, cell phone, and a lip gloss fit perfectly. Great for taking to the mall, grocery store, etc.

This new purse is bigger, so say, if I know I am going to be driving all around for my job, I can throw in some snacks, like an apple and a granola bar. I'm totally making this all up off the top of my head, haha. But it is nice to have two different sized bags for different occasions. Plus, while a hundred dollars is a lot, I realize, I know from experience that Coach bags are very well made, and it will last me a long time, if not forever. Hooray, hooray. It is the classic tan color, with lavender insides.

So that was my excursion to the outlet mall. All I have left to do is get another pair or two of shoes, and I'm golden! I feel a lot better about starting this job now that I have more clothes. And I am really proud of myself because most of what I got can be worn with other things. It is very mix and matchable, which is good, because it means it will look like I have more outfits, hahaha.

Total spent today: $316.09

Total saved: $263.78

Not too shabby.

why hello there!

2010-04-23T07:29:00.003-06:00

I haven't done a real weigh in post for a couple weeks. But today I am! Hooray! With no further ado, here goes.

Starting Weight: 250.3

Last Week's Weight: 201 (Grr.)

This Week's Weight: 197.8 (-3.2. YAY!)

Finally, I made it past the 200 mark. That makes me really happy. I worked out every night since Monday, and I am glad it paid off. I really don't know if there is anything else I can say. I'm happy with it.

I am also happy because:

-It is Friday.

-Friday is Starbucks day.

-I got paid yesterday.

-I get paid tomorrow.

-Got my tax refund this morning!

-I'm going shopping tomorrow.

-Only 1 more week at my current job!

-It is raining. I love rain. And thunderstorms.

And that is all. I hope everyone has a very happy Friday and a great weekend!

Zumba!

2010-04-21T19:42:00.002-06:00

All my kids left a little early today, so by 5:55 I was putting on my shoes to head to the gym. I was planning on doing some elliptical, and maybe some bike, when my boss asked me if I was going to go to Zumba.

I have wanted to go to Zumba for months now, but since it starts right at 6, and I don't usually get out until 6, I never made it. But I did today! And I felt like a complete idiot, as I had no idea what I was doing! But it was a lot of fun anyway. =) I do have to say though, it wasn't as intense as I thought it would be. Like... I got done with the class and thought "well, that was a good warmup, what should I do next?" I was ready to run a couple miles on the treadmill.

I would have done that, too, but I had to go home after the class. Dinner and house meeting before we are meeting a possible subletter for an empty room in the house. Which is good, and will be delicious and fun. (Pesto pizza!)

I'm still taking opinions on gyms, if anyone wants to give them. Or you can give me your opinion of Zumba. =)

working out

2010-04-20T08:29:00.002-06:00

I finally got a workout yesterday. I have been waiting for my knee to feel better, and these past few days, it has. I didn't have the most intense workout, but it felt SO good to be back in the gym. I did half an hour on the treadmill, alternating walking and jogging. I so wanted to do more, but I was kind of feeling knee twitches, so I played it safe. And I think that was a good idea, to work my way back into running a little slowly.

After that, I did half an hour on the elliptical. That made me sweat a lot, hah! One thing I have been noticing lately is that I have to do more work if I want to have the same calorie burn that I did 50 pounds ago. Which I think I knew... but now it is real.

My last day at the Y is next Friday. Which means my last day of free Y membership is also next Friday. Since my new job is in the opposite direction as the Y, I am now officially gym shopping. What kinds of gyms do you guys go to? Does anyone have opinions about 24 Hour Fitness?

Clothing giveaway!!!

2010-04-18T20:53:00.006-06:00

One of the hard things about losing weight is that when you are moving down, you don't want to buy a whole new wardrobe for each size, especially if you are only going to be there for a month or two. It is kind of a waste of money. But you also want to feel good about yourself, and feel confident in your clothing, which isn't always possible if you are buying cheap clothes.

So here is the deal. I have some clothes that are now too big for me, and I would love to pass them on to some of you, if you want them. Descriptions of the clothes are beneath the pictures. If you see something (or many somethings!) you would like, leave me a comment. If two or more people want the same thing, I will do a random drawing. If you are the only one who claims it, it's all yours! I will leave this open for a week, so you need to let me know by next Sunday what you want!

Snazzy top, good for going out dancing!

Lane Bryant - Size 18/20

Gold blouse, looks better when ironed and worn with the belt (not shown).

Lane Bryant - Size 22/24

Fun satin dressy shirts. Loved these, obviously, as there are 3.

Lane Bryant, all size 18/20

Pants to wear with the shirts? Both from Lane Bryant, both petite length.

Black - Size 7 (I don't get the new sizing...)

Gray - Size 22

Jeans skirt.

Lane Bryant - Size 20.

Just got this dress last summer, on sale. It is an awesome sundress!

Penney's - Size 20W

And a fancy dress!

Dress Barn (I think?) - Size 20W

There you have it! If you are working your way down, and these will fit you, let me know what you want. I would love to give these clothes to people who are on this journey with me. =)

what kind of news do you want first?

2010-04-16T22:20:00.002-06:00

Let's go with the bad.

I am up a pound this week. So in two weeks I have managed to not lose anything, and gain a pound. Let's face it though... I know what I did. And what I did was a lot of stress eating. Yuck. I also have not been able to work out, and that is not even an excuse, it is the honest truth. My knee has been really bothering me and it hurts a lot of the time. I am going to take it easy this weekend and try to stay off it as much as possible. More ibuprofen and ice. But if it is still bothering me on Sunday/Monday, I'm going to get in to see my doctor. Which I hope I won't have to... I need to get on with my training!

Okay that was the bad. Now for the good news! (Can you guess what it is?)

I GOT THE JOB!!!

I am so very excited. My interview went really well yesterday, I felt good about it. Today I was seriously so jumpy every time I thought my phone might be ringing/vibrating. Haha. Around 4:30 I got a call from one of my references, and she told me she had a great talk with the executive director of the Foundation I'll be working with. So that was a really good sign. Then, right before 5:00, the Director called me and offered me the job!

I am going to be the administrative coordinator for a library foundation. So I'll be helping raise money, working with volunteers, organizing lots of files and materials, doing general office work, etc. I am really, really excited. I have two weeks left with the daycare. But I wish I could start this job tomorrow.

I am pretty sure I got this job because I added Jack as a last minute reference. Haha. =) Seriously though, thanks to everyone who left such kind and encouraging comments. I am so grateful to you all, you helped to keep me calm and sane these past few days.

Well. I don't think anything can top that bit of news, so I'm out for the night. Time for a shower, and going to bed without having to set an alarm! YAY!

stressed out of my mind

2010-04-14T18:52:00.002-06:00

I am stressed. I have been waiting since last Tuesday for my in person interview for a job that I REALLY want. (I will tell you more about it if I get it!) Anyway, last Tuesday, I wasn't too stressed about it. After all, I had more than a week to wait.

But these last few days have been sheer torture. Time has been going so slow, but I know this evening is going to go way too fast. The waiting is killing me.

Thanks to my mom, I have a great interview outfit. (Tan slacks, a pink and white striped shirt, an awesome black jacket, and killer black patent leather Steve Madden heels.) I have a folder thing with a legal pad in it. (What are those even called? Folder thing makes the most sense...) I know exactly where I am going, thanks to some scouting out I did on Monday after work.

I am qualified for this job. My phone interview went very well. I am excited to meet the people I talked with last week.

But I am still SO anxious for tomorrow morning. I'm going to do a little more preparation tonight, but mostly I'm going to try to distract myself. Painting my nails, showering, watching my Netflix movie. And then going to bed early, hopefully by 10, 10:30 at the latest.

Pray for me. Think good thoughts. Cross your fingers. Do whatever you need to do, and keep me in your thoughts tomorrow. Thanks. =)

Jump Street

2010-04-09T21:56:00.005-06:00

Since I didn't weigh in today (hoteling it up with my mom! fun!), I thought I would post some of the pictures from going trampolining last week. They are blurry, as it is pretty much impossible to get a clear picture when your subjects are bouncing around. These are pretty silly. Just a warning. =)

Me, Caroline. Just jumping.

I can levitate. My housemates cannot.

It looks like I am trying to flap my arms and fly!

Oh hey! Guess what? I lost 50 pounds! And also, my face is crazy!!!

breaking news!

2010-04-06T22:15:00.004-06:00

This morning I had a phone interview - for a job that seems to be made for me. I was super nervous last night, and I even was kind of awake for an hour in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep. Eventually I did fall asleep again, thank goodness.

I really felt like the phone interview went well! I was told at the end that I could expect a call by Friday letting me know if they wanted me to come in for an in person interview. Apparently by "Friday" they really meant this afternoon. Because I got a call around 2:45 from the executive director asking me to come in for an in person interview!!! YES!!! I have not been this excited in awhile! My interview is next Thursday, the 15th. Soooo keep me in your thoughts/prayers, because I can use all the support I can get.

I would say I can't wait til next week... but that would be a lie. I can. Because my mom will be here in less than 48 hours! Then we will go interview attire shopping, haha.

I went to Jump Street with my housemates and my friend Holly tonight, where we paid $10 to jump on trampolines for 2 hours. We lasted less than an hour and a half. Jumping is a workout! I am sore all over! But it was really super fun, and Holly got some great pictures that I will share with you all later this week, or early next week.

As far as Friday weigh in goes... it's up in the air whether I'll do it or not. If I'm home, I will. If I'm hanging in the hotel with my mom, I most likely won't get to it until Saturday or later. Either way, I'm feeling really good about this week. And not just because I'm laying here icing all my joints. =)

It's Easter!

2010-04-04T17:19:00.002-06:00

Happy Easter!

Easter is by far my favorite holiday. I could care less about chocolate rabbits today. The only thing I wanted to do was go to church. And even though I am working, I had an awesome volunteer this morning, so I got to go! And it was so, so good. The music was great, and we had both worship leaders there, which I have never, ever seen. The message was about having power when your life is out of control. Which is always helpful, since, well... do you have your life totally under control? I know I don't.

Back to candy! I do have downfalls when it comes to some Easter candy. ESPECIALLY Robin's Eggs. You know, the malted milk balls with candy outside the chocolate? I could eat a whole bag of those. But this year... I had one. One egg, not one bag. And I had two jellybeans. I also had two cookies... but in the grander scheme of things, this has probably been my lowest cal Easter ever. I'm not going to let a couple cookies get me down. Past it.

I haven't gotten to exercise much this weekend, though. I did Friday, but that's it so far. I can just feel it in my body that I need to exercise, too. I get off at 9 tonight, and I already have plans to go home and do my yoga/pilates DVD. (After I clean my room, at least... or clean a spot on the floor for my yoga mat, hahaha.) Then tomorrow it is back to the gym! I'm going hard Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, as my mom gets here on Thursday! On Wednesday I may even be going to a deep water aerobics class with one of my friends/coworkers. It sounded fun, so I do hope we get to go. I love to mix it up when I can, and I'm sure some cross training would be good for my body. I'm so obsessed with running, I don't get as much cross as I should, haha.

Well, it's back to work for me. I have no volunteer from 6-9, so I need to go check on my laundry and then grab a plate of dinner to heat up later. (Mmm, totally having the leftover ham from lunch! Delicious!)

Happy Easter! Again!

a really good day

2010-04-02T18:56:00.002-06:00

I have been having a truly excellent day today! Some of my plans changed, but it didn't really bother me. Basking in the glow of 50 pounds lost... not much can! Hahaha.

I went out for my run this morning and it was colder than I thought. And also really really windy. I was also having clothing issues, and if your clothes aren't comfortable when you are trying to run 9 miles, it is going to be a hellish 9 miles. I just wasn't feeling it, so after a few blocks I turned around and came home. I decided to pack my gym bag for the Y, but go to the mall first.

I took my ring to the store, and found out that resizing for me is free! Thank you, 21 year old self, for purchasing the extended lifetime care plan. Yay not having to pay! I was pleased to find out that I was down a whole ring size! The ring was a size 7, but will be a 6 when I get it back. Then I wandered around the mall for awhile and tried on a few dresses. Trying on clothes was not as much fun without mom... so I will wait for next week to shop with her. =)

Then I drove to the Y, planning on running at least 5 or 6 miles (9 miles on a treadmill just didn't sound so great...) and then lifting. I started off great, but by two miles in my body was like "I'm not having any of this today. STOP." So I ran another mile to make it 3.1 even, just because I am stubborn and knew I could do it, even though it was not pleasant. Also, my 5K time today was 38:58, which is to date my fastest 5K time. Yay! I finished out the rest of the hour on the treadmill, but walking, and added a little more than another mile. So I ended up doing 4.15 miles. I'm okay with that. Then I lifted, which was awesome. As challenging as lifting is, it makes me feel so dang good about myself. I always leave feeling stronger. Which is good, since that is the purpose of lifting, after all!

After working out, I went across the street to the store. See, all afternoon I had been craving a burger and fries. Don't know where that came from, but it was a very strong craving. Before working out, I told myself that if I was still craving it after the workout, then I could have it. And sure enough, I was! So I went to King Soopers and picked up some delicious veggie burgers! Then I came home and chopped up a potato, put a little olive oil on it, some spices, and made oven fries! Let me tell you what: I don't think any burger and fries has ever been more delicious. And I feel so much better than I would have had I gone to some fast food place. I will definitely be making this meal again! Next time I will take pictures... but this time I just devoured it.

I just finished watching Dirty Dancing on Hulu, and I'm about to start getting ready for work this weekend. I'm so excited for Easter, and for worship on Sunday morning. I am excited to read my Runner's World, which I got for myself at the store as an unofficial reward, since my ring was free. I am excited for a phone interview on Tuesday (forgot to tell you all that this morning!). And super really a lot excited for my mom getting here on Thursday! I know I am way ahead of myself... but I can't help it! This next week is going to be so awesome!

FINALLY!!!

2010-04-02T07:26:00.003-06:00

I felt like this day would never come.

Starting Weight: 250.3

Last Weigh in: 201.8

Today's Weight: 200. Even. (-1.8)

I can't even be that frustrated about not being in the 100s. Because you know what... I passed 50 pounds. That's right. I have officially lost 50 pounds. I am beyond happy. And next week when I weigh in in the 100s, it will be another chance to celebrate.

I have been planning some things for when I reached this milestone. The first is obviously to go get my ring resized. I have been planning a special blog entry... but it won't be today, as I need a friend to help me with the details. There will also be a giveaway sometime in the near future! So yeah, exciting stuff will be happening around here.

Today I have the day off work, but I am working all weekend starting at 9 tonight. So I'm doing my long run today, since it's the only chance I have until next week... and who even knows about next week, as my mom is coming into town! YAY!!! So after my 9 miles this morning, I will shower, and then I think I'll take my ring to the mall. Perhaps I will also try on some clothes. I won't buy anything, because, well I don't have much money, but it will be really fun just to try on clothes! So that is the plan for today.

Thank you all so much, my friendly readers, for your support and kind words. I know reaching 50 pounds lost would have been a lot harder without all of you. =)

6 months, and a bunch of questions

2010-03-29T19:17:00.007-06:00

I bet you were all just crazy with anticipation all day, waiting for this post. Okay, maybe not. It's kind of anticlimactic. My weight this morning was 201.8. Which is -.2 from Friday, haha. So, I have not passed 50 pounds yet, but I know it is not far in my future!

If you really had your heart set on celebrating a 50 pound loss today, you should totally head over to my friend Laura's blog at 100in12 and read all about her success. She officially blew past 50 pounds today, and that is SO awesome and inspiring! Go congratulate her! I will wait here.

Okay, are you back now? So as interesting as it was weighing in on Monday, I am going to stick with Fridays for right now. Monday weigh ins might help keep me on track over the weekend, but I also do my long runs on Sunday. That means that I eat a lot more on Sundays, too. If you have never been on a long run... they make you ravenously hungry afterwards. Or at least that is what they do to me. So yep, I'm sticking with Friday for the time being.

Today I warmed up with a mile walk/jog on the treadmill and then did my new lifting regime. Man, can I tell the difference, even on machines where I only go up 5 or 10 pounds. I'm looking forward to the challenge these next few weeks... then it will be time to move up again!

Time for questions!

1. I love the gym. I would spend all my free time there if that didn't interfere with the rest of my life! I honestly love working out and I look forward to it every single day. However. I really struggle with making the right choices when it comes to the food I am eating. For those of you who are strong in this area... what goes through your head when you decide what to eat? Do you have any good tips or tricks? Especially mentally? I obviously know that it is better to eat a piece of fruit than a bowl of ice cream. But I still have a hard time resisting delicious things that are not that good for me.

2. I had something else to ask you all, but I do not remember what it was. So I shall improv. What have you done today that was good for you? How about this week? Or even this month? Tell me about your successes, and what you are proud of having done so far.

8 miles and other things

2010-03-28T20:09:00.004-06:00

So today was my 8 miler. I didn't do my 3 yesterday. I took a friend to the airport very early in the morning, and decided it was more important that I nap than run three miles. It was a good decision, haha.

But back to the 8 miles! I was really worried, just because I have only started feeling really, truly better from that stomach thing I had within the last 3 or 4 days. I hadn't done a really intense workout since before that, so I was concerned that I was going to struggle a lot with the 8 miles. Turns out, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was absolutely beautiful today, so that helped a lot, plus I took a water bottle and an energy gel with me. (Powerbar Raspberry, in case you were wondering!) I really think those two things are what got me through so nicely. It was a great run, and I walked a block or two every two or three miles.

I started feeling kind of sore about 6 miles in, but it wasn't terrible. My feet were feeling it, as were my knees and even a little bit in my hips. One of the things that really helped me during my first 1/2 marathon was taking a couple ibuprofen halfway through the race... which would be not too much after 6 miles. So I'm thinking I may take some with me, just in case, when I do 9 miles on Friday. (I have work off Friday, but I'm working Easter weekend, so Friday is my best chance for a long run this week. I'm going to make a playlist and have my own little outdoor Good Friday service, haha!)

So anyway. Got home, iced everything that was sore, and showered. Then I went grocery shopping where I got tons of delicious fruit because it was on sale and looked good. Bananas, strawberries, apples, a pineapple, blackberries. Can't wait to eat it all up. Yum. Then I made whole wheat blueberry pancakes! They seriously hit the spot. I ate them at 3ish... and now it is 8:30 and I'm just starting to get hungry again. I will post the recipe later this week, because they were delicious. Plus, you can use your favorite fruit instead of blueberries if you want!

But for now, I am going to go make myself a light dinner/snack before starting to clean my room. I hope you have all had wonderful Palm Sundays! I know I did.

Come back tomorrow for my official 6-month weigh in!

Friday Part 2: Running

2010-03-26T19:30:00.002-06:00

Since my morning update was so sparse, I thought I'd do another post! Especially since one of my favorite fellow bloggers, Josie (yes, click the link, then follow her blog... hehehe) asked me about how I got started running! And I think that is a great question, and totally post-worthy.

When I first started running, I was probably at my highest weight in college. I was inspired to start by my brother, who had been running for awhile, and he is the one who told me to read Dean Karnazes book UltraMarathon Man. I read it, loved it, and decided to start running. I was so ridiculously out of shape. So when I would first go out, this is what I did. I would walk around in a neighborhood, and I would only run when I was going past driveways. Any other times would be walking. Then I gradually worked up to only walking by the driveways, and running the rest of the time. Later I would alternate blocks. It was a very slow process, and I had never even heard of C25K, so I was pretty much making up my own.

I don't know when the first time I ran a whole mile was. I remember being very proud of myself when I did it, but I can't remember when or where it was. The process of getting there was really just working up to being able to run most of the time when I went out and walking less and less. Whenever I upped my distance, I usually needed to add more walking in. But after awhile, I would be back to running most of the distance. Even now, I walk during my runs, especially my long runs. During races, I usually just walk through the water stations, and while I drink, and that is usually enough. Just enough to give my legs a little bit of a change, and then it's back to running.

So, Josie, and everyone else, I hope this was helpful! I know it is very vague, but it's what I've got. Work your way up to mostly running at your own pace, and walk when you need to. There is absolutely no shame in walking!

And speaking of running, I have 3 miles tomorrow (who knows if that will happen, it's a busy day), and 8 on Sunday. Wahoo!

the latest

2010-03-26T08:46:00.003-06:00

Starting Weight: 250.3

Last Week's Weight: 203.8

This Week: 202 (-1.8)

I am SO happy with a 1.8 pound loss. I am also so, so close to having lost 50 pounds. It is so hard to be patient these days! Monday is officially the 6 month mark since I began this journey, so here is the plan... I'm going to weigh in again on Monday, just for fun. Which will also force me to stay on plan this weekend, hahaha. I'm also thinking about changing my weigh in days to Monday permanently. What do you think? Good idea? Bad idea?

That's it for today I guess. Sorry it's so short, but I have to get ready for work and eat breakfast still. Happy Friday, and have a great weekend, everyone!

Q&A

2010-03-22T09:05:00.006-06:00

So I am sure that many of you follow Jack Sh*t, and know of his questions that he asked last Wednesday. (And if you don't, you really should.) Since I haven't posted since Friday, mostly because not a lot of interest has happened, I thought I would tackle these questions today. Enjoy!

Why do you suppose you let your life be less than you imagined it to be?

I think because it was easier, emotionally, to ignore the fact that I was overweight than to do anything about it. I thought because I was overweight, I didn't deserve to have that life. But I know better than that now. Ignorance is not always bliss. In this case, ignorance was stupidity, and a set up for the massive load of work I have been tackling since September. In the end, I am worth it, and I do deserve an incredible life - even if I never lose another pound.

Why do you stumble so often despite all your good intentions?

To put it simply, because I am human. I'm not perfect. You are not perfect. So let's not pretend that we are, or even that we should be. As tough as stumbling is, it gives us the chance to stand right back up and start again.

Why do you sabotage yourself?

Sometimes I don't realize what I am doing until after I have done it. I'm getting better at recognizing my triggers, and what causes me to want to self-sabotage. I think at the very heart of it, that I am afraid. I have been overweight for most of my life, and ALL of my adult life. I don't know anything else. So this journey is completely new, and sometimes a little scary. I worry about what my far-away friends think, or what they will say when they see me next. I worry about letting other people down, and letting myself down. If I wasn't changing, I wouldn't really have to worry about these things.

Why are you here anyway?

I'm here because I need to be. I have too many extra pounds that are holding me back from what I want to be doing with my life. I want to be healthy, and to live a healthy life. I want to be able to run longer distances, faster. I don't want to be a hundred pounds overweight anymore. I can't live like that any longer, and I refuse to.

If you’re making it, if you’re succeeding on this weight-loss journey, tell me why this time is different than all the others.

Having lost 46.5 pounds so far, I would like to consider that succeeding. And to be honest... this is the first time I've tried this. I mean, really, truly, tried. So there haven't really been any other times. Maybe half hearted attempts, or serious thoughts about trying... but not much effort. So I guess this time is different because I am putting in the work that I need to be doing, and I am believing that it will work.

Why are you going to make it this time when you’ve fallen short before?

See the above answer. I believe that I can do this. I know that I can. And I'm working really hard and refusing to give up, even when I have setbacks. I can't do much more than that.

Why are you going to keep it off this time when you’ve gained it back before?

Well, like I've said previously, I've never lost weight before. Okay, maybe 10 pounds or so... but certainly not 46.5. But I know I will keep it off. There is no way in hell that I am about to do all this work just to do it again. Plus, I love exercise. I get cranky when I don't get to go to the gym, or out for a run. That habit is firmly established, as is the knowledge that I am a runner, and will always be looking for new and longer races to run. Eventually, I will run a marathon, and probably not just the one. You can't be a serious distance runner and not care about what you are putting into your body as fuel. Right now, I'm better at the exercise part than the food part of this journey, but I'm working on it. This is a lifelong process, I know. But I'm only going forward now. I might glance in the rearview mirror now and again... but I'm never going back.

Why are you a different person now than you were before?

Because I care about myself now. I care about what I am eating, and I care about going to the gym. I am no longer blowing off the very concerning problem of my weight. I am actively doing something about it. I believe in myself, and I know that what I am doing is important, worthwhile, and achievable. I am excited about who I am and who I am becoming. That's all there is to it.

Haven't answered these questions yet? I highly recommend doing it, it's a great exercise. Jack's original post can be found here.

Snowy Friday Stats

2010-03-19T07:13:00.002-06:00

It is snowing, but not enough for a snow day. Boo. But anyway, stats.

Starting Weight: 250.3

Last Week's Weight: 204.4

This Week's Weight: 203.8 (-.6)

This confuses me. I have hardly eaten anything this week.

But whatever. I'll take a loss. Much better than a gain! Even if it's only half a pound. I'm sure a lot of it has to do that I haven't been able to work out since Sunday. I did my 7 miles, and that's it for the week. I miss the gym! (I love that that is actually true! I do miss it!)

I am still feeling very sick. The worst (typical stomach virus) symptoms are gone, but I have a constant upset stomach, no matter if I eat nothing, or if I eat applesauce and bread. I can't win. I want to eat real food soooooo bad. I made lasagna last night for my housemate and it smelled so good. I was assured that it tasted good, too. Alas.

Well I've got to go get ready for the day. Happy Friday!

A sure fire way to lose weight.

2010-03-16T19:30:00.003-06:00

Yes, I have discovered the secret. It is not very fun. In fact, it is kind of painful. Here is what you need to do - come down with either:

A. Food Poisoning

B. A stomach virus

You can have all the water, gatorade, and cheerios you want, as long as you can keep them down. Go for it.

Needless to say, I have caught something. While my friends from church assure me that there is a known stomach bug going around the city, I am not convinced that it isn't food poisoning. Because I have had both before... and this feels more like food poisoning. Either way, though... yuck yuck yuck! I even tried going to work today, because I was really hoping that I would start feeling better by the afternoon. No such luck. After two hours, I still felt like crap and had no fewer than three people tell me I looked terrible and pale. So then I gave in and came home.

It was a good decision. I rested as much as I could, watched Fame (thanks, Carter, haha), and then popped in a Firefly disc, but fell asleep halfway through the first episode. Maybe I will finish it tonight. Or maybe I will take a shower and be asleep early, who knows. Right now I am concentrating on drinking lots of fluids (alternating sips of water and low-cal Gatorade, which is surprisingly good!), trying to eat a few Cheerios, and laying in bed. I am really praying that I feel better tomorrow. Not only would it be nice to go to work, it would be nice to try and get in some (albeit, easy) exercise. Plus, it was sooooo nice out today. Really beautiful. It would be nice to hang out outside!

So now that you know all about my stomach problems, here is my PSA for the day. WASH YOUR HANDS!!!! All the time. Whether this is a stomach virus or food poisoning, it probably could have been prevented by either someone else washing their hands, or me washing mine. It could be either, but I am pretty good at washing my hands. You kind of have to be when you work in childcare. Anyway, make sure you are washing your hands, and washing them really well.

Alright, that's it from me tonight. Hope you are all having great weeks!

I am bad at following up, haha.

2010-03-14T23:10:00.005-06:00

I promised this picture a week ago, and never got around to getting it off my camera! But now I have! This is my scale in my bedroom, covered with sticky notes of good things I did last week. It is also a picture of books that I have posted on PaperBackSwap (in front of the scale) and other books that I love love love and am keeping in my bookshelf. Oh, and my weights are there, too, obviously. Anyway, I really loved doing this project, and might do it again in the future. It is such a good reminder that even when I slip up, I also have lots of successes every week. Thanks, Tiff!

Here is a picture of my friends Suzanne and Tanya, and myself from Saturday. We went to the St. Patrick's Day parade. We watched for about an hour, but when we realized that the parade was between 3 and 4 hours long, we decided to meet up with some other friends and get lunch instead. It was a good plan. And it was an awesome day! Lots of fun, great weather, great friends.

Today I had a 6 mile run. When I left the house, there were a few random flakes of snow falling, they were very small. This lasted for about half an hour. Then it became a full out snowfall. The snow fell until about 5 minutes after I got home after the full 6 miles. I am not even kidding. It was like it KNEW I was going to be out training, and the weather decided to make it more challenging. Really though, it actually didn't bother me too much. The run was a really good run. The only bad part was trying to keep my glasses free from snowflakes. I ran about 97% of the time, at a steady pace. The only times I slowed down were to walk out stitches in my side. Does anyone have good tips for getting rid of stitches? I only get them during my long runs... but I don't really know why. But anyway, really good run. It was fun, even though by the time I got home, my clothes were completely soaked! Hopefully next week it will be just a little bit warmer. Or at least not snow.

Well, I am going to bed now. DST is throwing me off. It's 11:30 but I am just starting to feel ready to go to sleep. Ack.

Friday!

2010-03-12T07:04:00.003-07:00

So, I wanted to post the pic of my scale from last week. But my boss just called me to come in early today, the earlier the better... so I'll post it tonight. In the meantime, here's the weight of the week!

Starting Weight: 250.3

Last Weigh in: 208.6

This Week's Weight: 204.4! YAY!!!

That means I lost 4.2 pounds in the last two weeks. Is that awesome, or what?!?!?! That also means I passed 205.3, which means I get this beautiful little decoration:

I am SO HAPPY! Every so often, taking a break from the scale is really good for me. I focus more on what I am doing instead of what the numbers say.

I am so freaking close to 50 pounds lost. 4.1 pounds. I really believe that I will get this in the next two weeks. Or at least by March 29th, my 6 month mark. I would LOVE to weigh in on March 29th and have a number starting with a 1. How insane would that be. (Answer: VERY!)

Okay, well I have to go make breakfast, throw a lunch together, and hit the road. It's supposed to be Starbuck's day, but I may need to hold off until my lunch break for that. No matter what happens at work today... it will still be an awesome, awesome day.

dear speed workouts,

2010-03-11T20:32:00.002-07:00

I really thought I was going to hate you. But you are actually kind of fun. Even if I feel half dead when I am done.

Today I did 6x400. 400 is one lap around the track. I did that 6 times, faster than my normal pace, with short breaks in between to catch my breath. By the end of my training, I work up to 10x400. Crazyness! Even though it was a totally intense and hard workout, I really enjoyed it. I started my repeats at 5mph, and worked my way up to 6mph, which is really fast for me. I think next time I do one of these workouts I will go at 6 mph for each repeat. It was doable, which I was really surprised by. 5mph actually felt too slow to be doing speedwork at. Nice! Tomorrow I have 3 miles at a normal pace, and then lifting. I love lifting. I'm meeting with my trainer in a week and a half to go over my plan again and adjust weights/reps. I'm excited.

My discovery of the week is the Daily Plate program at www.livestrong.com. It's a calorie counting program that really keeps track of all the important stuff including a nice pie chart for your daily protein/carbs/fat, and it also tracks sodium, cholesterol, sugars and fiber. You can also input your exercise. This website is SO MUCH EASIER than SparkPeople. Like, I actually look forward to tracking my food, instead of dreading the hassle that SP was bound to present me with.

Lastly, I will leave you with oatmealy deliciousness. I have had oatmeal (weight control maple brown sugar) for lunch three times this week. I'm loving it, because it totally fills me up and gets me through the whole afternoon AND my workout until I get home for dinner. I don't have to have a snack in the mid-afternoon. I mean, I could if I wanted to. But so far, I've been pretty good! I like to chop up most of an apple and throw it in there along with 12 chopped up almonds. Yum yum yum.

Okay, well it is time for me to go shower, and then I have some laundry folding to do. I always forget that I have laundry in the dryer until after one of my housemates moves it into my laundry basket. Whoops. Have a good evening, everyone! Come back tomorrow for my weigh in. Hopefully it will be okay, even though I had a bad eating weekend.

refreshed.

2010-03-09T09:45:00.002-07:00

After a nice looooong night of sleep, I feel like I am ready to go again. I am writing everything down and keeping track of my calories. I am hitting the gym after work tonight. I am upping my water intake and making sure that I'm getting my 64 oz. a day. Maybe all I needed was a night to get it all out, all my frustrations and anxieties, and then to let them go. I think 9 hours of solid sleep really helped, too.

So I'm back in the game now.

On a different note, I wore my 16s to work yesterday! They were still a little snug, but since I wear a scrub shirt over them when I'm there, they looked pretty good! I am hoping that by the time my mom comes to visit me (just under 5 weeks!) I will be ready to start shopping for 14s. That would be awesome.

Okay, time for me to go get ready for work! I hope everyone has a good day, today!

halp.

2010-03-08T19:50:00.003-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

This is how I feel lately. Like I am being sucked up... maybe not by a chair, though. I am starting to apply for a new job. Not that I don't enjoy what I'm doing now, but once I use up my AmeriCorps award money, I won't be able to afford my loan payments with what I'm making currently. I worked all weekend this weekend at my second once-a-month job, and then my boss called me to come in early today. When I got there, as soon as I got in the room, she asked me how I was and I pretty much burst into tears. I couldn't even control them.

I am so tired. Working 12 days in a row once a month is starting to get old fast. Which sucks, because I really like my weekend job. And I want to do a good job at both of them, but I don't know if I can anymore.

My eating has been out of control these past few days, I've been eating emotionally, and I am currently very emotional. I don't feel good. I want to exercise, but I skipped my workout tonight because I am simply drained. No energy. I am going to get lots of sleep tonight and hope that I feel better tomorrow.

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining, and for that I am sorry. I just feel like I'm sinking fast and backtracking to where I do not want to go. Any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Mexican Pasta Vegetable Bake

2010-03-04T21:06:00.002-07:00

Ingredients:

3 cups rotini pasta, uncooked
2 jars (16 oz. each) thick and chunky salsa
2 cups Kraft 2% Milk Reduced Fat Sharp Cheddar Cheese, divided
1 cup nonfat cottage cheese
1 can (16 oz.) black beans, rinsed, drained
1 pkg. (10 oz.) frozen whole kernel corn, thawed, drained
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Directions:

Cook rotini as directed on package; drain. Combine rotini, salsa, 1 cup of the cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, beans and corn. Spoon into 13×9- inch baking pan sprayed with no stick cooking spray; sprinkle with remaining 1 cup cheddar cheese. Bake at 375°F for 20 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Sprinkle with cilantro.

I got this recipe here.

I made this exactly as is, except for the cilantro. It didn't really need it. (Actually I forgot it when I was shopping, haha.) Oh wait, I lied. I did add half a teaspoon of cumin. This was a delicious casserole. The best thing is that this makes 8 servings, and each serving is 300 calories. 1/8 of a 9x13 casserole dish is pretty big! So there is lots of food for not too many calories. We also had asparagus. I simmered it for probably 7 or 8 minutes, drained it, put a little olive oil on it, along with some black pepper and parmesan cheese. DELISH!

In other cooking news, I made my first omelette this morning. I did a pretty good job, too, I was so proud of myself! Omelettes may be on the menu more often now that I know what I'm doing. =)

Catching up, Part 1

2010-03-03T19:49:00.003-07:00

Okay, I have a lot to catch up on.

First, and this was not first in the order of things happening, but I am SO excited I had to tell you all. I had a major NSV this morning. I was kind of rushing figuring out what to wear to work today, and opened my t shirt drawer. At the back of the drawer was a college choir festival shirt that I haven't worn in years. It was small even when I got it. (It's a large, btw. A small large.) Even after my surgery, it still didn't fit. I would try it on every once in awhile, but it was not appropriate to wear in public, hahaha. But I put it on this morning... and it fits. It fits perfectly! I was so happy wearing it all day!

Let's backtrack now. I have been doing really well with training. I ran 3 miles on Saturday and 5 on Sunday. Monday was weight training. I missed my workout Tuesday, but I had an intense tempo run today. Tomorrow I have three miles plus weights, and on Friday I am going to a place that is just roomfulls of trampolines. Apparently it's a workout! So I will probably skip my Saturday run if I feel that it was enough.

I am eating better this week, and I kind of talked to my housemates about it. I think they will be okay when I occasionally make my own food. Tonight I am making a Mexican casserole and asparagus. Yum yum yum. (I hope. If it is good, I will post the recipe, as it is suuuuper easy.)

Annnd that is all for now. I will do awards and anything else I forgot about later.