I'm stressed. So stressed that my anxiety is starting to kick in, which rarely happens. I am used to handling my depression, but when I'm also dealing with anxiety everything gets harder. Anxiety makes it harder for me to breathe... I can only get a good, full breath maybe 10% of the time. I have an emergency enhaler but it doesn't really do a whole lot. I couldn't even finish my workout yesterday because breathing was really uncomfortable. So for the next day or two, I'm just trying to relax as much as possible. Going to take a bath tonight I think, or else a really hot shower.
But back to stress.
There's work stress, friendship stress (or, lack of friendship stress), and then there is stress that I put on myself, especially when it comes to eating.
I went to training last night and spent the better part of an hour just talking to Josh... he is like my own personal Bob or Jillian, hahaha. He totally gets that a lot of the process of losing weight and becoming healthier is mental, and he is helping me work through things and look at things differently. (And I can't thank him enough, really, at this point he is working with me for free...)
For example, yesterday he asked me about how my food was, and I told him that most of the time it was good but a day or two out of every week I just couldn't control it. We talked about it for about 15 minutes or so - what I was eating, etc.
Then he did some math, and showed me just how long we spent focusing on my bad decisions (including % of calories from the bad food that I chose to eat), and compared it to how long we spent talking about my good food decisions.
He really got me to see that I need to be focusing more on my good decisions. And I shouldn't be stressing about being perfect, either. I don't usually log my bad food days, or if I do, I log them a day or two after they happened. It's definitely something that I need to work on.
Anyway, I don't think there is much more of a point to this. I just wanted to have it written down to refer back to and remind myself of.