Monday, December 6, 2010

My Old Self vs. My New Self

Yesterday was sooooo not good. I don't know where it came from, but I binged big time yesterday for the first time in a long time. I will not list all the things I ate, because if I read someone else's list, that would be a HUGE trigger for me. So suffice it to say, I ate a lot. I ate until I was uncomfortable, and THAT sucked. I just could not stop. I even made a special trip to the store. It has been MONTHS since I've done that. I still haven't figured out what was going on with me!!

I have been consistently on my meds for over a month now, which is awesome. They are a huge help in me not bingeing on a regular basis. Which makes yesterday even more strange.

I felt so incredibly sick and guilty last night.

This morning I woke up and thought about yesterday. It sucked. I did not like it.

So I climbed back up on the wagon and dusted myself off. I ate within my calories all day today, and after work, I hit the gym for a sweaty 40 minutes on the elliptical. And believe it or not, I LOVED that time working out. My body felt spectacular both during and after my workout. I cannot tell you how much better today made me feel.

I was not myself yesterday. I was my old self, and that person doesn't surface very often anymore.

While I know who I was before played a huge part in who I am today, we are no longer the same. I will acknowledge that part of myself, and I will be grateful for the experiences I had and the things I learned during that time... but I'm not going to let it run the show. Not anymore.


  1. I have been binging every day for the last several days. Its horrible and it sucks! I am glad you have the strength to dust yourself off after a bad day!

  2. Oh, Sabrina. *HUGS* I know how horrible and sucky it is. You are so strong. Even though you have been bingeing, you are still here and on MFP trying your hardest and searching for answers. You are such an inspiration to me. You know I am always here to talk you off the ledge. Or just to talk. =)