Tuesday, November 16, 2010

courage

Whenever we were about to attempt some difficult music for the first time, our choir director in college would always say to us, "Courage!"

It is hard for me to blog these days. I am very much struggling and it is hard to admit. I called my mom to talk a few Thanksgiving details the other day and ended up on the phone with her for an hour, crying, because I have gained back so much of what I lost. Being a mom though, she had lots of great suggestions, including going back on HBC. I would rather live life without any meds, but going on and off my depression meds all the time has shown me that it is a bad idea for me. She pointed out too, that the same month I stopped taking my HBC was the month I stopped losing weight. Interesting. So I'm trying it again. Perhaps I am one of the few people that actually lose weight on HBC, hahaha.

I don't want to jinx anything, but yesterday I had a great day. I was spot on with my calories, and hardly even thought about binging. I am hoping for a similar day today, and I have Janel after work, which I'm really looking forward to.

I am keeping busy and I am really loving all my activities. I work out with Janel two nights a week, go to church on Wednesday evenings, and I have choir rehearsal on Sundays. I am slowly but surely making friends doing all of these things (yes, including at the gym, haha!!!). This month is National Novel Writing Month, and I am doing that as well. I hit 25,000 words yesterday, so I'm right on track!

And in new/surprising/exciting/weird news, I have been doing some dating this month as well. I got in contact with a guy I sort of dated last spring at the beginning of the month because he is doing NaNoWriMo too. We have gotten together a handful of times since then, but always to write. So not real dates. We keep saying we should do something instead of writing, but if we do, it likely won't happen until December, when this madness is over. Even so, it is fun not to have to write alone.

Now, here is the weird part... I do not do a lot of dating. I have been on Match for 5 and a half months now, and just last night actually met up with someone from there in person for the first time. (I am very selective in who I contact and who I will talk to on dating sites. I flat out pass on probably close to 95% of the guys on there. I really only contact people who state outright that their faith and a relationship with God is the most important thing to them.) Anyway... it was really fun last night. It was a relaxed, "hey let's grab a coffee, but not call this a date" get to know you kind of thing. We sat at Starbucks and talked for 2 hours.

I have hardly ever had *one* guy interested in dating me... and now I have 2? CRAZY! It is still super casual on both fronts though, and the minute I start to feel more (if I start to feel more) towards one guy, then I know I will have to talk to the other. But for the next week or two, I guess I will just see how it all plays out. Maybe I won't end up seriously dating either of them... leaving this all in God's hands at this point, because my experience is pretty limited, haha.

So that is my life. I have been taking my meds consistently for a week now, which is progress. And I can feel the difference it is starting to make in my energy levels and my ability to make good choices.

So now it comes down to having the courage to stick with it.

6 comments:

  1. Welcome back, friend! I can't speak for everyone, but I missed you!!!

    Life sounds pretty good right now. Congrats on the writing, and on the GUYS!! Woohoo!! Tis the season for LOVE! :) Maybe I should try the whole match thing?

    I am struggling with weight loss too. I can't seem to get below 185. You will get there. My goal for the holidays is to just not GAIN any weight.

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  2. It is so hard to get through the holidays, and doing it with a maintain is AMAZING. I don't know how anyone actually loses over Thanksgiving and Christmas, haha. Life... is getting better, I will say that. I miss writing here. It is hard to be so vulnerable though, when so many people are having wild success. But I shall stick around... I miss you all too. =)

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  3. I am excited to follow your blog and learn more about you! I will be keeping you in my thoughts :) Good luck with those men!

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  4. haha you are too cute Kaitlin :-D remain steadfast in all you do!! <3

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  5. Kate, you would approve of the Match guy, he is a civil engineer. Haha.

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  6. You've got courage Kaitlin! Keep us updated on your love life...I love that kind of excitement, when it doesn't include my teenage daughter! LOL

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