Tuesday, May 25, 2010

working through things

I have been struggling with my weight a long time. Maybe for 15-ish years. More than half my life, at least.

When I started exercising a lot and eating healthier back in October, I knew my life had changed forever. And I still feel that way.

But it is so much a harder struggle now that I am half done. For me, it's not getting easier. At least it hasn't lately. All I did today was eat. I even had a PLAN last night for today... and I didn't follow through. These days, it is far more likely I have a bad day than a good day.

This isn't how my big change is supposed to be going.

It's so easy to feel disheartened when you get off track during this process. This isn't the first time that I've "fallen off the wagon" so to say. And I've always gotten right back on. It's taking me longer this time, but I'm catching up.

It's the hard times like these that really make you examine... why AM I doing this?

I want to be healthier. I want to be able to shop in whatever store I want. I want to surprise my college friends who haven't seen me in a couple years at a wedding this summer. I want to RUN ridiculously long distances. I want to look better. I want to have more energy.

I'm keeping at it. I am realizing more and more every day just how FOR LIFE this whole thing is. It's a little scary!

I am really excited to go to the gym tomorrow and have my first training session with Janel (had to cancel last week due to the tooth). The first session is mostly fitness testing. And I am going to do my very best. I am one of those crazy people that loves exercise, as much as it hurts. I WANT Janel to kick my ass, haha. (I guess I wouldn't be paying for it if I didn't, huh?)

I'm not sure where I wanted to go from here. Maybe there is nothing more to say tonight. I ordered two cookbooks from Amazon today, and I am hoping they will have some new recipes and ideas for me. I am not so good at thinking of things to make, especially healthy things. Revamping my food plan is most of what I need to do to be back on track. And I will. Even if it means cooking my own food most nights of the week, I'll do it.

A random thought to end this post with:

I really wish I liked salad more.

Goodnight, friends.


  1. I need to reevaluate why I am doing this too! I had a gain this month when I weighed in...and it had put me in an UGH! mood. I always seem to get laxed during the summer...work become more stressful for me, I am exhausted and don't want to exercise as much, and I want to eat, eat, eat all the yummy summer treats!

  2. I wish I liked salad more too :) The boring kind - not the chock full of yummy fatness kind, you know with bacon and egg and nuts and fruit and lots of dressing :P

  3. hi friend :) *hug* you'll figure it out!! <3

  4. Why don't you try making a Vision Board. There are numerous links to them on the internet. Maybe if you had a big visual poster in front of you it would help. Or consider it as part of a spiritual fast. Maybe those might help.