Thursday, October 1, 2009

What a long day.

Today I worked from 8:30 until 6. In childcare, that amount of time feels like a lifetime. I thought the day would never end!!! Since I went to work so early, I didn't have time in the morning to go for a walk. I feel like I was busy enough at work that I didn't need to though, haha. However, I am really looking forward to going out tomorrow morning. I know that I'll be tired, but I can already feel that it will be a good time to get the kinks out of my body. Then on Saturday I'm going hiking with my housemate Caroline and some of her friends. (SO glad I live in Colorado!!!) My eating today was good. Breakfast and lunch were pretty much perfect (and perfectly delicious and healthy!), but by the time dinner rolled around I was starving. We had a house dinner tonight and invited one of our housemates from last year, Suzanne, over to share it with us. We had my family's homemade macaroni and cheese, salad, and rolls. I had a little too much mac and cheese, though. I feel a little... overly full. But I guess that's all a part of learning, right?

I want to use these first entries to do a little bit of backstory. I forgot where I wanted to start though!! I guess I'll start as close to the beginning as I can. Like I said in my first entry, I have spent most of my life as overweight or obese. However, I have also been a fairly confident, outgoing person. I don't let my weight stop me from doing what I want or what I love. Example: Running, particularly half marathons. It was hard work both times, but I also finished both times. I'm really proud of myself for that, and had a lot of fun running the races. I love hiking. I've hiked on two Colorado 14ers, but haven't managed to summit one yet. That is a goal for next summer, though.

One of the things I struggle with most is depression (and occasional anxiety). Currently, I'm on meds. When I'm on my meds, I feel normal, and quite silly for taking them. I feel like I don't need them. But then, when I go off, I feel terrible and depressed again. So I know there is a reason that I'm on them. This month is my third month of the Prozac, and I am finally starting to feel the energy and passion to exercise again, which is awesome. My depression manifests itself by making me want to just curl up in a ball in bed and read fantasy novels all day. I could care less what is happening in the outside world, seeing my friends, doing anything that I enjoy. I don't really get sad, and I think that confuses my doctors. But it is not normal for me to want to cut myself off from everyone, and that is why I went back on my meds. I am a much happier and content person with them. I have also not had a panic attack in three months. Hooray! Depression is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, just like my health is. Now that I am getting better at managing my depression, I have a much better chance of succeeding at managing my health.

Well, I think that is enough for tonight. More backstory and perhaps more finalized weekend plans to come tomorrow. For tonight, I'm going to keep looking for healthy recipes online (please, if you know where they are, point me in the right direction!), do some laundry, watch my Netflix movie, and if I'm feeling really crazy, make myself a cup of tea.

Happy October, everyone!

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