Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I got a new camera. So I have been taking lots of pictures of random things to test it out and figure out how it works. I have not had a camera since, oh July, because sometime after that, it died it's final death. It was an old camera though.

Anyway, I thought I would post some pictures of Trick, my hamster. He is very cute. As you can see:

Trick, stuffing his face.

Running on his wheel while chewing.

Being cute in close up. Or plotting evil plots. You decide.

There you have it, my advanced photography skillz. Actually, I'm not too shabby with a camera, I just haven't had a chance to go anywhere of significance with it yet. I can't wait to take it to the mountains next summer when I am sure we will be going hiking!

Today has not been good, for me. I feel like I'm self sabotaging all the time these days. My head is so not in the game. Part of it is the cold - I have about 5% energy, and I used that all up (plus some) working for 8 hours today. But that doesn't give me any reason to eat like 10 pieces (albeit small) of chocolate at work. Barf.

Okay. The day is not a total waste. I am going to fix myself a healthy dinner and finish the day strong, despite the earlier hours. 1 2 3 GO.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Stats for the end of the year

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 221.6

This Week's Weight: 223.2

So plus 1.6 pounds. I am not happy with that, but I know what I did. I ate a lot of food at home and didn't exercise. I also came down with a cold, but I don't think that is a good justification, haha.

That gives me an overall December gain. Of .4 pounds. It could be a lot worse.

Every day I am realizing more and more that this whole process of losing weight and getting healthy is for life. It's going to take me awhile. I'm okay with that. And to tell the truth, I am really excited to get back into the gym tomorrow night. Unless I am seriously dying from this cold, I will be there. I can't wait.

My friend Kate and I went outlet shopping yesterday and I got a new pair of jeans at Old Navy for $15 bucks. They are a size 16. Did they look good? Oh no. Could I get them buttoned? Yeppers!!! I would consider that a small victory right there.

I do not suggest this strategy unless you are completely dedicated to losing weight beforehand. It will probably not work to kick start a diet if you go and buy your pants too small. You would probably just waste money. But I know that I am in this for good. I did it with my last pair too, my 18s. They were tight when I got them, and now they fit perfectly. I know that perfect fitting 16s are not too far in my future. =)

I am ready for the new year, and for the new challenge of training for my half marathon in May.

I'm excited.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Good Christmas!

So far, Christmas has been pretty great. I was up super early and ended up sitting around with my parents watching TV. We channel surfed for awhile and then finished the first Christmas episode of Bones that we had started earlier in the week. Eventually everyone was awake around 10 or 10:30, and we started opening presents.

I was awesome at guessing what was in each of my stocking presents. I only got like two wrong! Everything was stuff for my kitchen, which is soooooo great. I got rubber scrapers, spoons, teaspoons, a zester, cutting boards, a whisk, cork trivets, pot holders, kitchen shears, wooden tongs, etc. Seriously great presents! I also got a homemade journal from my brother (he learned how to bind books, how sweet is that - it's covered in a blue bandana!), and a Border's giftcard.

Then we all had Christmas breakfast together, which was yum. And now we are getting ready to watch Parks and Recreation, which I got my brother for his birthday. There is some major drama happening, but it doesn't really deal with me so I'm trying not to worry about it. Hopefully everything will resolve soon.

Anyway, I hope you are all having a great holiday, whatever you celebrate. And safe travels if you are traveling!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas Eve Eve!

Today has been a long day. First I woke up at 7 so that I could shower. Showered, dried my hair, straightened it, hair products, moisturized. It's quite the process, let me tell you what. But then I looked/smelled/felt good. My friend Sara picked me up a little after 8, and the two of us picked up our friend Ang. Then we went to a delicious little French diner in Detroit for breakfast. I had hot chocolate, which was served in this big bowl, of all crazy things. I only had about half, it was soooo delicious and rich. For breakfast I had a crepe with ham, brie, and raspberry jam. Absolutely heavenly. It sounds like a weird combination, but oh my goodness was it amazing.

Then I came home and made premade cookies that will be eaten for dessert tomorrow night and then sent with my brother on his trip to Florida. This consisted of putting the premade lumps of cookies on a tray, putting some M&Ms on top, and baking. Easy.

Next on the agenda was manicures for my mom and I. LOVE LOVE LOVE. What a great time. I have never had such a wonderful manicure. We were at an Aveda salon, so it was also massage and such. Fun fun fun, and so relaxing. I love the color I picked, it's called Dusk Over Cairo. It's pink with a little bit of orange. Very pretty. And we got to keep our nail polish bottles, so I have lots more with which to redo my nails when these ones get chipped.

We came home after that and I played around online, wrapped all my Christmas presents, and helped get dinner started. It has been a very productive day. I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve tomorrow and of course Christmas Day. I hope you are all doing well this holiday season!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Michigan, another award!

It feels like forever since I've posted... but it was really just two days. I got to Michigan safely yesterday, and have done actually quite a lot so far! Last night we prepared a massive and delicious dinner. My mom and I made roasted potatoes (regular and sweet), two kinds of frittatas, and totally awesome asparagus with turkey wrapped around it tied with a chive. It was pretty fancy, let me tell you what. Also, it was sooooooo tasty. I am going to be making asparagus much more often. My friends Kate, Melissa, and Sara came over for dinner, and then we all watched White Christmas. It was so much fun to see everyone. I can't wait to see them again very soon.

Today I woke up on time... if I was still in Colorado. But since I was in Michigan, it was actually 10 AM. This didn't matter much though. My mom and I made meal plans for the rest of the week and then watched a variety of shows on TV. Now, I don't have TV. We have a TV, but we don't get cable and we don't (yet) have a digital converter box. I'm working on it. Mostly because I'm sick of watching Biggest Loser a week late all the time!

My mom, bless her heart, told me yesterday it was her goal to get me back to Colorado with a loss. She is being so great about getting me healthy foods and being supportive. She even figured out how many calories were in a cup of our favorite family Party Mix recipe. Seriously, how great of a mom is she!?!?! I feel so blessed that she is mine.

The rest of the week includes helping to finish up some Christmas shopping and hanging out with my girls. I pretty much have no other plans besides the obvious Christmas Eve and Christmas Day plans. I am still trying to figure in exercise... I think my plan right now is to go for a walk tomorrow in our neighborhood.

Now, onto the other order of business!

Nicole over at LosingThe40 gave me this award! Now I have two! This one is pretty fun, too. The rules are to list ten things that make me happy and five blogs that make me happy and pass this along to them. How can this not be fun!?!

10 things that make me happy (in no particular order):

  1. Finishing a really hard workout. I love feeling completely exhausted, like jelly. It is so awesome to know that I worked hard and don't have to go back until the next day, haha.
  2. My family. They are fun, loving, supportive, and smart. I love every one of them.
  3. My dwarf hamster, Trick. Even though he tries to bite me once in awhile, he is just so dang cute and has so much energy. He is always doing something that makes me smile.
  4. Reading books. Wow do I love reading a good book. Fantasy books in particular.
  5. Flannel sheets. There is just something so comforting about super soft sheets.
  6. Mountains. One of the many reasons I adore living in Colorado. I could look at the mountains every single day and never get tired of it. They are so beautiful and majestic.
  7. Reality TV. Survivor, Biggest Loser, Diet Tribe, Project Runway. Etc.
  8. Incense. If my room smells awesome, I am happy.
  9. Shopping. Even if I'm only going to the grocery store, I love it. I go nearly every week for my house, and then I go at least once a week to buy myself supplemental groceries. I also enjoy shopping for clothes. I see going to the store as a giant treasure hunt. Love it.
  10. Penguins. I love penguins.
5 blogs that make me happy:
  1. Kate @ Shorter Thoughts, Big Ideas. Kate is my real life BFF, and I love her updates. Longer than a Twitter update, but not so long that it takes an hour to read them. And plenty of useful information and food for thought!
  2. Sheridan @ Real Me Breaking Free. I love Sheridan's honesty and commitment to health. She is doing awesomely, and is just one of my inspirations!
  3. Taylorvillegirl @ Girly Bitz. Her entries just crack me up. Real life, great writing. I am kind of addicted now.
  4. Lindsay @ Lindsay: Under Construction. Lindsay is so dedicated, and I love her positive attitude. Her entries really do make me happy!
  5. Evil Cake Genius @ Gateaux's Cake Log. If I'm not eating cake, at least I can look at beautiful pictures of it, right?
So that is it for tonight. I am still feeling kind of jet lagged, but needed to stay up in order to watch my Netflix DVD so I can send it back tomorrow. Luckily it's Jars of Clay in concert, so I can listen just as well and not need to see. Goodnight, friends!

Friday, December 18, 2009


Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 222.2

This Week's Weight: 221.6

BOO. I know I can't be too disappointed. A loss is a loss. Even if it is only .6 pounds. But it is just so damn frustrating to lose so little weight in a week.

I know what I need to do. I need to start writing my food down again. Every bite. No matter what. Because when I'm not doing that, I'm just allowing myself to cheat. And I'm not okay with that. I am sabotaging myself. Who wants to do that? Not me. So back to writing I go. Back to my food journal.

I will not have a weigh in next Friday, simply because it is Christmas and I will be at my family home in Michigan. There may be a scale there, but I'm not counting on it to weigh me the same as my scale here does. Plus, who wants to weigh in on Christmas morning? I'd rather not worry about it, thanks. So I will weigh in on Sunday, the 27th, when I am back in my own room with my own scale. I will, however, still do an update on Christmas.

I hope you all have great weekends. I know that I am super excited to go home tomorrow morning. I still have some packing to finish tonight, and then I'll be up around 4:30 to finish tomorrow morning before Holly picks me up at 5:15. Yayyy going home.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


I ate a lot of food at the potluck today. Most of it was not healthy. The carrots were... that's about it.

Then I went to the gym after work. I did half an hour on the elliptical and ran 5K on the treadmill.

Now I am exhausted and kind of sick feeling. Bleh.

When I was running on the treadmill and watching Survivor (I swear, the only thing that gets me to keep running sometimes), something new happened. I started crying a little bit. Like my eyes were leaking of their own accord. I wasn't hurting, well, I mean I wasn't hurting any more than running 3 miles usually makes me hurt. Anyway, I thought that was strange. Maybe it was the fan blowing at me from above my head. Who knows.

Well, I'm going to go take a shower because I haven't since yesterday morning. Then I'm going to start packing for my trip home to Michigan! I am so incredibly excited to go home. Maybe more excited than I have ever been. Hopefully I'll be able to get to the Y a few times while I'm home... good thing I have my Staff pass!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Holiday treats: Making them healthier.

Tomorrow is our work potluck. I'm very excited, on account of the fact that I am in love with potlucks. It's always a surprise!

I signed up to bring an appetizer, and decided to do 1-2-3s. If you have never heard of them, you are missing out. The version I have always made in the past has:

1 lb. pork sausage (spicy, sweet, whatever you prefer)
2 cups cheddar cheese
3 cups Bisquick

Tonight though, I tried to make them better. I used:

1.22 lbs. lean turkey sausage (This is just the size that Jennie-O packages, and I figured I would just use it all anyway.)
2 cups 2% reduced fat cheddar cheese
3 cups Heart Healthy Bisquick

Basically what you do is mush everything up together, and once you get all the cheese and Bisquick worked into the sausage, you make little balls, put them on a greased cookie sheet, and bake them for about 15-20 minutes. I made mine kind of small, so they only took about 15 minutes. I got 91 balls out of my ingredients. Then I did some math, and figured out that each ball has about 30 calories. That's not bad for a tasty holiday splurge!

These are one of my absolute favorite hor d'ourves, and I'm pumped that I was able to make them a little bit healthier. They taste delicious, too. (Hey, I had to poison test them, right!?!) Anyway, I'm excited to see how they go over tomorrow at the potluck.

Today was super long because I had a three hour class after work, and then of course I have spent the last hour baking. And tomorrow I am going to work early at 8:30, and will be working out afterwards. So I think it is time for me to say goodnight.

What holiday treats do you enjoy? Have you tried to make them healthier? (Is there even a way to make them healthier?) Let me know if you have any great recipes!!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

you are all right.

I realize now that my post yesterday was a lot of whining. Apologies. I guess that ring is just so special because I picked it out for my 21st birthday, and because it makes me feel beautiful and strong. And I can use that these days. I think I will do what my very best friend Kate suggested, and save resizing as a reward for losing 50 pounds. Until then, if I really want to wear it, I can wear it on my middle finger.

Went to the gym after work today, it was pretty great. I did half an hour on the elliptical and then half an hour on the treadmill. I chose the "Random Hill" option on the treadmill, and it was awesome. It made me put in my maximum speed and maximum incline, and then just mixed it up for a half hour in different combinations. It was fun not knowing what was coming up next, and certainly a challenge.

Last night I watched the first half of Titanic. The half with an intact ship. Now I am watching the sad half. But it is still so good.

It's about time for me to go to bed. But that's okay. Tomorrow is pajama day at school, and I'm pumped to wear my penguin pants!!!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Sad day.

I can't wear my favorite ring anymore. It was getting to be so annoying, sliding around my finger all the time. I had to dig through my jewelry collection and finally found a gold colored one with green stone that fits better. It will probably turn my finger green in a day or two. I wish I could wear my high school class ring, but even that is big now.

I bought my usual ring when I was 21. It is white and pink gold with three little diamonds on it. I guess I'm going to need to have it resized... the question is, how long should I wait to do that? I mean, I am not even a third of the way done with this process. If I get it done now, I might have to have it done again somewhere down the road. Have any of you had this problem? I'm really bummed, I love that ring.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

That was a pretty awesome weekend.

Today was just as good as yesterday, but about as different as can be.

I started the day the same way, laying in bed and watching Hulu, but this time I was watching Super Nanny. I did clean my room, get half done with laundry (I have one load done, one in the dryer, and one in the washer), and finish my packing list for going home on Saturday morning. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to go home. I always am. I completely adore my family, and I will get to see all my best friends who live in Michigan. What could be better?

Once my room was clean, I pretty much laid around watching movies on Netflix until it was time for church. I think my body was really glad for the day off from exercising. I feel really good tonight, kind of refreshed and ready to go for the week ahead. I am hoping to go out for a walk or something in the morning... we'll see how my body handles the morning, I guess.

After church I went to the grocery store. I got:
  • almonds
  • white cheddar rice cakes
  • yogurt
  • Lean Cuisines
  • 1oo calorie packs of pudding
  • deli turkey
  • frozen salmon
  • ground turkey
I already weighed out 4 ounce portions of the ground turkey, put them in ziplocs, and froze them. I used one of the servings for dinner though... cooked it in a pan with some garlic powder and oregano, added spaghetti sauce, and put it on some noodles. I also had a carrot and a glass of milk. Most delicious dinner ever... maybe even better than last night. I guess I should also admit that I had a cookie, and one of my pudding cups. Sigh.

I did, however, resist the cake on the counter that my housemate brought home. I wanted a piece so, so bad. But as I was leaving the kitchen with a glass of water right now, I stopped by the cake, pointed at it, and said (out loud, mind you) "That's right, I don't need you anymore!" I would like to think the cake was depressed just a little bit. I don't feel bad for it.

I feel great for myself. Am I going to have cake in the future? You bet. Cake is delicious. But if I'm going to have cake, it had better be for a darned good reason, not just because it's Sunday night. I used to be able to make up an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. It's hard to break that habit, but very slowly, I am.

Also, sometimes, I feel like I'm still mourning the fact that my life is changing. I miss eating crap all the time... how sad is that? Eating that food tasted good. What wasn't good was the way I felt when I was done, and I don't miss that feeling at all.

I am so proud that I cooked a meal tonight that I really, truly enjoyed. It was seriously delicious. And healthy. Well, except for the fact that I had a cookie AND pudding afterwards. I should have just picked one. Hindsight is 20/20.

Well, I feel like I've rambled enough for one night. This post was kind of just a random collection of thoughts. I'm plugging away at my goal to reach 30 pounds lost by Friday. I'm pumped. =)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A rather successful day...

if I do say so myself. First I laid in bed all morning catching up on Parks and Rec. If you want to have a good laugh, watch this show. So extremely funny.

Then I got my act together around noon. I made shopping lists, packed a gym bag, and forgot to eat lunch!

The first thing I did after leaving the house was to go Christmas shopping. I am pleased to say that I got it all done! Except of course, for the few things I still have to buy online, but I have a couple days to do that still. Once Christmas shopping was over, I went to Target and bought important things such as hamster food, and stuff to spray on the windows of my car that melt frost.

After all my shopping was done, I went to work out at the Y. By this time I was getting pretty hungry! I did a mile on the treadmill, and then did half an hour on the elliptical. All in all, it was a solid 45 minute workout, and I did three miles between the two machines.

Then I went across the street. I got all of our fruits and veggies at Sunflower Market, and then moved on to King Soopers for the rest of the groceries. I bought a Naked smoothie before I started shopping though, and drank it while I filled my cart with bread, Nutella, peanut butter, and cereal, the staples in our house. Of course there was other food too, but none as important as those things.

I finally made it home about five hours after I first departed. My housemate got there as I was putting groceries away and we ended up making dinner together. We made the last of my freezer burned chicken breasts, but it turns out that soaking them in Roasted Red Pepper salad dressing helps. We also made some broccoli, and a pan of oven fries consisting of one regular potato, and one sweet potato. Let me just say YUM. Great meal all around.

And since then, I've just been sitting around watching Parks and Rec and working on my list of things to pack for when I go home next Saturday for Christmas. Tomorrow holds a lot of room cleaning and laundry, and we all know how much I hate laundry. Wish me luck!

Friday, December 11, 2009

what actually happened today

First things first. In honor of opposite day, I have something to say about one of the comments on my post from this morning.

You are my archnemisis, Jack Sh*t. You are a terrible person, and I hate your blog. I don't even know why I follow it. You haven't done anything to inspire me, and I feel completely insulted by your comment on my blog.

Hatefully yours,

Now back to our regularly scheduled, non-opposite day programming. I did go to the gym after work today, but I didn't get a lot done. I did about half an hour on the treadmill and was starting to hurt (and not in a good hard exercising kind of way) so I stopped. Then I tried some new things, since there were like literally 3 of us in the gym.

First I tried a spin bike with pre-programmed "classes" on it. (Remember, all these machines have TVs, including the spin bikes.) I lasted about 30 seconds. Do any of you spin? If you do, HOW do you do it? Sitting on that seat hurts!!! Do you just eventually go numb? I don't know if spinning is worth it.

Then I tried the stair-treadmill that I mentioned a couple days ago. If my shoes hadn't been untied, I would have stayed on longer. It was actually pretty fun, although really challenging. I will try this again.

I didn't end up going to Beer and Carols. I truly meant to, but I was just so tired after being at work for 9 hours and then working out, that I felt it would be better to stay in. So I took a long hot shower, and now I am watching Love Actually. And that is a good way to spend Friday night, in my book. =)

It's Friday!

That means time for stats.

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 223.4

This Week's Weight: 222.2 (-1.2)

So yay! Finally I feel like I am back on the losing track. I have 1.9 pounds to lose to hit my 30 pounds lost mark. So that is my goal for next week. Completely doable. My eating has been kind of all over the place, and I'm still working on getting it under control. But my exercise, however, has been pretty slammin.

Saturday: 3.5 mile run
Tuesday: 5K on the treadmill
Thursday: 30 minutes elliptical, 5K on the treadmill, 20 minutes biking

Yes, I worked out for nearly two hours last night. And it felt sooooooo good. I don't know where I got the energy! But I do know that being able to watch Survivor on my own personal treadmill TV kept me from focusing on how far I still had to run. It also made me ride a bike for 20 minutes, because I needed to see the end of the show, hahaha. I figured out that in order to make bike riding more enjoyable, I needed to up the resistance. With no resistance, everything felt sort of jerky. When I put it at 4 or 5, everything was much more smooth. So maybe I like the bikes after all.

I am pretty thrilled with going to the gym after work. I am going to go again tonight, but probably not for two hours. More like for one hour, and then I'm meeting my housemates at the bar for "Beer and Carols." Fun times on a Friday night. And then I might go on Saturday, too, before grocery shopping. We'll see.

For now, I have to find some breakfast, and maybe take a shower. I am going into work early today, and kind of want to stop at Starbucks on the way... so I'm going to have to hurry!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

If you had one shot.

The title has nothing to do with this entry, other than the fact that I have been listening to Lose Yourself by Eminem a lot since we listened to it in church on Sunday.

I worked out for the second time this week! Wahoo! Like I said in my previous entry, I did about 3.5 miles in the park. Today I went to the gym after work. And found a present!!!

Well, really, a present for everyone in the Y. We got new exercise equipment today! Like, seriously tricked out. Every machine has it's own TV screen, and you can plug your headphones into the machine and watch whatever you want. They also have iPod docks. And built in fans. NICE. There was a great big sign saying "Merry Fitness!" in the spot where the elliptical machines go, explaining that they would be in tomorrow morning. Dang it. The elliptical is my favorite.

Instead, I snagged myself a treadmill. Now, I am not a fan of treadmills in general. I am part of the population that would rather refer to them as "dreadmills." But this treadmill... this treadmill was heaven. It even had a button for "5K" so it primarily tracked your distance instead of (well, really in addition to) your time. I can't believe I am going to say this, but I really enjoyed running on the treadmill. Not only was it hooked up media wise, it was sturdy. Being a 220-odd pound woman, running on a treadmill would normally mean a lot of extra noise and the whole thing shaking with every step, like I was running through an earthquake or something. But this one was great. Hardly any shaking at all and I listened to my iPod through the treadmill. I can't wait to try the new elliptical machines, probably on Thursday or Friday (I have a new class starting tomorrow).

Anyway, I did 5K on the treadmill, tried a bike, hated it, and left. I'll stick to the treadmills and ellipticals. I am still working up the courage to try the stair machine. I would be the tallest person in the gym! There are actual rotating stairs, like a treadmill, but stairs! I had never seen this before! (Well, other than escalators.)

Okay, that's it for this update. Hope you all are staying warm, it is VERY COLD here where I live. But it is probably still not as cold as Minnesota in February.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

so hungry.

I am working away from home this weekend. And there was supposed to be a volunteer group tonight cooking dinner, but they didn't show up. There are some things in the pantries that I could go eat... canned soup and whatnot. But it just doesn't sound appetizing. I have to stay here all night. I can't leave.

And I am so freaking hungry. I have spent the last hour surfing the web for restaurants in the area that won't make me order $15 of food to deliver it to me. And that also have fairly healthy food. So far, I have come up with nothing. Not even Jimmy John's delivers to me. SAD FACE.

Part of me desperately wants to call the closest Chinese restaurant and order crab cheese wontons and some sweet and sour chicken. This same part would also be happy with a sausage pizza. But there is a new part of me now. And it's telling me that these aren't really the best choices for my body. I am so hungry that I am in danger of severely maiming this new part. It's not that I think these foods are bad, or that if I really wanted them, I couldn't indulge appropriately. It's just that I want to be healthy, and right now, I don't think I could face myself if I let myself order this food. I AM SO HUNGRY WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!?!?!?!?!

Why am I so hungry, you ask? Well, first, I didn't eat lunch. I didn't mean to not each lunch, time just got away from me. Then...

I went for a 3.5 mile run today and it was awweessommmeeee. I think I have finally gotten my exercise back on track. I am hoping I can go out tomorrow again, too. I need to build up my weekly milage a bit before starting training for my half marathon in May. I probably won't start training for that until February, though, so I have awhile to build up my endurance.

Okay, I am done complaining. If you have any ideas for me, let me know. If you know a number I can call for a Lean Cuisine Lasagna delivery service, that would be even better.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Friday Stats: Saw that coming.

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 222.8

This Week's Weight: 223.4

To tell you the truth, I'm a little relieved. A .6 pound gain is nothing to get worked up about. Since last week I lost .8 pounds, I would really just call this two weeks of maintenance, haha. I was bound to have a gain sometime, and now I can stop worrying about it. Life goes on.

I did end up going to workout last night at the Y after work. In fact, when I packed my clothes yesterday morning, I was not that excited about going. But I figured if I packed my stuff, I would at least have the option. As the day went on, I found myself actually looking forward to being able to work out. I work with 12 to 18 month olds, and a lot of the time, it's stressful! And that is what I like least about my job. For the last two hours of work last night, I just kept reminding myself that I got to go work out afterwards, and it worked like a charm. I only did half an hour on the elliptical, but it felt great. I am going to go again tonight after work. I'm not usually a night exerciser, but I do feel better at night, so it might be a necessary change. Yay for a successful experiment!

And now I am off to get ready for the weekend. I am working at my other job this weekend, which means that I need to get my stuff packed. Then I won't have to worry about packing after working out tonight. I am going to pack my yoga mat and Shred DVD, and hope that I get to do it. But I would also love to go for a walk. We'll see what I feel like doing tomorrow, I guess.

I hope you are all doing well, and looking forward to the weekend. Happy Friday!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Do you know what feels incredible?

Moisturizing. You think I am kidding, but I am not. I have always dealt with dry skin, mostly on my feet and elbows. Not much of anywhere else though.

But this week, I discovered something terrible. You can get dry skin on your face!!! I have never ever had dry face skin. But now I do. It is terribly itchy and kind of rough and scaly. On my FACE!!! So I made a trip to Target and got me some facial moisturizer. I put it on as soon as I got in the car after buying it. Not only does it feel amazing, it smells pretty good too. And by that, I mean it smells a little like sunscreen, since it is SPF 15. And I do love the smell of sunscreen... it reminds me of the beach.

Anyway, so now in addition to slathering my body with lotion after showing, I am also slathering my face. I am sure my skin will thank me.

Thanks for the comments yesterday, friends. I am just going to take this one day at a time. My goal for this weekend is to exercise at least once. I will have a better chance of making this happen, since I won't be limited to exercising only in the morning. Once I hit the afternoon, I usually feel a lot better. I also might try using the gym at the Y tonight/tomorrow night. Just to see what it's like and if it works for me.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

No news... is probably bad news.

Blahhhh. This week is no better than last week. I keep eating junk, and I don't want to, it just keeps happening. It's like I lost every ounce of self control. I hate it. I feel like it is slowly getting better, but it is going soooooo slowly.

I am going to bed at a normal time, and every morning I wake up hurting and exhausted. Which means I have not exercised more than once this week. I am seriously considering getting a personal trainer at the YMCA where I work. Not every day, not even once a week, but if I had a session or two, I think I could get the hang of it and get a routine going. Plus since I'm an employee, I get a discount, yay.

Every so often, in a mirror or a window, I see my reflection and can catch a glimpse of what I might look like when I lose more weight. Maybe it's something in my face, or the way my legs look, or maybe something different. But it is what keeps me going, when everything feels terrible, like it has recently.

Also, as far as feeling terrible goes, I am going to go see a doctor in January and talk about changing/adding onto my depression meds. I'm just not feeling great and I have no motivation whatsoever, which is not usually a problem for me. If I want to do something, I do it. But right now, I have the desire to be more active, but I simply can't do it. No matter how much I want to.

On a lighter note, I am glad that it is now the season to watch Christmas movies. I don't like much Christmas music, so I make do with watching lots of Christmas movies. Tonight it's While You Were Sleeping. Good times. =)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

One of these days.

If there is anything that I would love to do more than anything else in the world, it would be to make a living as an author. But dang if I can't finish a story for the life of me.

By my current count, I am working on four different stories. They are all at different stages of development. One is a little less than half done, two have less than 10,000 words, and one is just an outline. But they are all great stories. I'm thinking I may need to get a journal just to write down ideas in, so I can save them for later. I wish I had thought of the story that I just started yesterday back in October. It would have been so much easier to write than the one I originally tried to do. Ah well. I'm loving the story that I thought of yesterday, though. It came to me when I was on my walk, and I spent the whole next hour just walking and working it out in my head. The time went so fast.

But one of these days, I have got to finish a story. I am never going to get published if I can't have a finished product ready to send out for rejection. =)

In other news, my new friend Sheridan gave me an award! I have never gotten one of these before, so how exciting!

Here is what I am supposed to post:

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:
Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving bloggers.
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award. I got this award from
Thanks, girl! =)
Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.
Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit
this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

So, with no further ado, here is my list of the 5 people I am passing this on to:

Monica at Confessions of a + Sized Girl. Because you are simply amazing.
Deb at Deb Will Be Thin. For your kind comments and support.
Stages of Change. I know I don't really comment on your blog, and I should. Your entries are real, honest, and challenge me. Ever since you left me my first comment, I have been a fan. I am inspired by your determination.
Izzybee at A Single Step - as easy as 123. Because you are my favorite newest friend on here. =) (Besides Sheridan, but she gave this to me, so I can't give it back, haha!)
Sarah at A bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. Simply because I enjoy your updates and can always find something to relate to.

So there you go. If you don't want to do it, I don't blame you, this took forever! Hahaha. Anyway, it's just nice to be able to recognize you all.

I hope you all had great weekends. Back to the old grind tomorrow morning. I better go get some writing done!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Friday Stats: I don't deserve this.

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 223.6

This Week's Weight: 222.8

I did nothing to deserve a loss, even one as small as .8 lb. I barely wrote anything down this week, I felt terrible (actually, I still kind of do, my throat is killing me!), and my only exercise was a 3 mile run last Sunday.

The only thing I can think of is that now that I am on this whole healthy living track, I'm doing better subconsciously. I know how to not stuff myself, even at our Thanksgiving last night, I ate an appropriate amount of insanely delicious food. I have had a couple mini-binges, but they were nothing at all like eating a pizza, a pint of ice cream, and a bag of goldfish in one sitting. It was more like I ate 3 90 calorie granola bars. Which isn't good, but it also isn't the end of the world. I'm getting better.

So there you have it. A completely undeserved .8 lb loss. I can't tell you how thrilled I am. There are no words. And I'm also completely excited for this next week, and getting back on track.

I am super excited for the rest of today, too. I am meeting up with my friend (and one of my former roommates) Emily, who I went to college with. She lives in the same city as me, but with her getting a double masters degree, and me working and staying busy in the evenings, we don't see each other much. We finally caught up online last week and planned a day for ourselves. We are going to meet up this afternoon for coffee, and then we are going to go see New Moon together. I am so, so, happy to be spending the afternoon with Emily. I honestly cannot wait, and I know I will have such a great time.

And that's it for now. Hope you are all having great long weekends. =)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

trying to be thankful

It's a hard thing to do when you wake up Thanksgiving morning and find out you have been denied health insurance. My next step is to see if I can get on the insurance plan where I work. I have been there for 90 days, so I am eligible. It is also hard when you are having an off week. But here goes (in no particular order):

-I am thankful that Kate and Holly will be here for dinner tonight, and that we have festivities planned. They are having salmon, I am having steak. We will also have peas, rolls, mashed potatoes, and a sweet potato/lentil dish that Holly is bringing. For dessert we are baking apples. Lastly, nothing rounds out a good Thanksgiving dinner like a Zac Efron movie. (17 Again.)

-I am thankful for bad weeks. Because now I know just how great the good weeks are, and that it is totally okay to enjoy them as much as I have been. I know this is a long journey, and in the end, the bad weeks aren't going to define it. They are just something to learn from and get through as best you can.

-I am thankful for supportive friends, and for running. I am running another half marathon next year and I won't be doing it alone. Even if I come in dead last, knowing I have the support and strength of my friends to get me through is amazing.

-I am thankful for my family, especially my mom. I don't think there is anything more I can say about this one. They have helped me out time and time again, and I simply could not do this without their support.

-I am thankful for Trick, my hamster. Yes, he tries to bite me a lot. But he also entertains me with his antics, and that is a huge stress reliever. Also, he is really cute.

-I am thankful for the writers of all the blogs I follow, and everyone who leaves me comments. Seriously, I started crying yesterday reading all the comments on my blog that I wrote when everything felt like it was going wrong. Thank you for your kindness, your support, and your advice. You all are wonderful, and you are all such a help in this lifelong process. I love reading your entries every single day, even though I don't always comment... I want to do more of that. =)

And that's it for today. I have to clean the kitchen/dining room/living room before starting to get stuff ready for dinner. Luckily we are fairly neat and this job includes throwing away junk mail, sweeping the floors, loading the dishwasher, and mopping. Won't take too long at all, especially with some good tunes. I was planning on going out to Walmart at 4 AM tomorrow because I wanted a $9 copy of Star Trek. However, a friend pointed out that I can get it on Amazon for the same price. Even if shipping is a little extra, it's probably worth it to not get out of bed in the middle of the night and drive 10 miles. Oh, and I won't risk getting trampled.

So, my friends, Happy Thanksgiving, and if you are going out tomorrow morning, please be safe! (And have fun!)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

This post is a pity party. Skip if not interested.

The reason I haven't blogged much this week is because I haven't been having a great week. I am really struggling bad with both my eating and exercise. It just doesn't seem to be clicking this week and I am totally puzzled and frustrated with myself. I have been eating things I really shouldn't, such as the two pieces of pumpkin pie I had last night. Even though everyone else had two pieces too, that doesn't mean that I had to. (There were 7 of us, we ate a whole pie. Granted, it was the best pie ever - we made it completely from scratch: crust, roasted a pumpkin, etc.) But none of those things should have influenced me to eat two pieces. I should have just had one and been able to stop. And I felt bad about that as soon as I finished the second slice. Argh.

What do you all do when you get into these slumps? What brings you out?

I am looking forward to my four day weekend. I'm hoping I can get some exercise in tomorrow before weigh-in on Friday. (Which is not going to be pretty, btw.)

I'm kind of bummed that Thanksgiving isn't going to be a big thing this year. Most of my friends are either going home or going elsewhere in the state with friends or relatives. There are like 3 of us who have no plans. Being that I am the only meat eater, I am not going to cook myself a turkey. I just really like Thanksgiving, and I'm sad that this is going to be the first year that is really super low-key. =(

Okay I have to go get ready for work now. Even though I'm going in early today, at least there are only going to be like 5 kids. And two of them will be going home early.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Running and other stuff.

I went running on my usual walking path today. I ran about 3 miles. It felt so good. And by felt so good, I mean it kind of hurt and was really hard!!! But I'm really happy I did it. I don't have any races lined up for the rest of this year - no turkey trot or Christmas race or anything like that.

However, last night at my friend Kiri's birthday party, she asked if I was planning on doing the Colfax Half Marathon again this year. We both did it last May along with a handful of other friends. For me at least, it was terrible. I had a really hard time finishing, and only finished about 15 minutes short of the cut off time. I was hurting really badly by 7 miles into it, and it took all that was in me to get to the finish. I want another go at it. So I told Kiri yes. She said she wanted to as well. Now, the nice thing about the Colfax Marathon/Half Marathon is that if you register early (before January 15th) you can register a friend for free. So Kiri is going to register herself for $50, then I will get the friend for free code, and register myself, and cut Kiri a check for $25 bucks. You simply cannot beat a $25 half marathon. That is a fantastically awesome deal. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to it, and I know that this year will be much better than how last year turned out.

Also at Kiri's party last night I got a nice handful of compliments on how good I looked and that everyone liked my bangs. So that was just really nice to hear, and a great confidence booster. It's funny about my bangs... they really do make me feel great about myself. Every time I look in a mirror or catch my reflection in a pane of glass, I feel happy, beautiful, powerful, confident. It is truly amazing what a great haircut can do.

And now for something completely different: Do you take vitamins? My mom suggested taking B Complex, and I just started and I loooooove it! I checked with the pharmacist at Target to make sure it was okay to take it with my prescriptions, she said it was fine. Even only taking it twice so far, I have a little more energy. The bottle says "Helps convert food into energy." Which can only be a good thing. There is also some Vitamin C in the ones that I bought, so I am sure that is good to get a little extra of as well. Anyway, do you take B Complex? Do you take other vitamins? What do you think?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Stats: Yessss!!!!

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 227.4

This Week's Weight: 223.6 (-3.8)

That means total weight loss so far is 26.7 pounds. WOW! I am so so happy. I have officially blown past the 25 pound mark, which means I am also 25% DONE with my 100 pound weight loss goal. Now, I know that I am going to have a little farther to go after I hit 100 pounds lost. I'm 5'4", and not planning on stopping at 150. I'm sure I'll have at least another 10-15 pounds to go after that. But 100 pounds is definitely my biggest goal.

Let's talk about one of my other goals for a second. When I started this journey on September 29th, I set a goal to lose 30 pounds by Christmas. I am now within 3 pounds of that goal. I am pretty sure I can lose that by the end of THIS month, or maybe the first Friday in December. So my new Christmas goal is 35 pounds. Might as well challenge myself, right? I think I can do it.

As far as exercise goes this week, here's the stats:

30 Day Shred DVD: 2 times
Walking minutes: 95 (went twice)

So that's my Friday. I am so super pumped to be 223.6. I honestly can't remember the last time I was this weight. It was probably in high school.

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Just what I needed.

So today I went for a walk instead of doing my DVD, and it was exactly what I needed to get my head back in the exercise game. It was refreshing and fun and totally lifted my spirits. I feel a lot better having done it.

This is kind of a big week for me, because I am hoping to hit (or go over!) the 25 pounds lost mark. I need to lose 2.1 pounds this week to make it happen, and I think I can do it. Calorie counting is going great and I have exercised several times and I hope to go out again tomorrow and get another walk in before weigh in on Friday. I only have two more days before weigh in - and it seems like last Friday was just yesterday. So those are my thoughts on this week's weigh in. I'm excited for it.

In other news, I don't know if you all know this, but I did a year long AmeriCorps program last year. It was a year of volunteer service, and I loved it. One of the nice perks of volunteering for a year is that AmeriCorps will give you an education award if you qualify and fill out lots and lots of paperwork. Well, after months of waiting, I FINALLY got my award! So now I can start paying off my loans, which will be a huge relief. I am so behind.

Well, it is time for me to shower, pack a lunch, and head to work. See ya!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

HYC Check in

On the whole, healthy living is going okay.

I have been keeping a food journal for over a week now, and my average calories per day is 1,359. So that is awesome. My goal is for 1,500, but honestly, I'm feeling good about what I am eating. I have hot chocolate pretty much every day, but I also have tons of healthy foods like Cheerios, apples, yogurt, soup, cottage cheese, chicken, carrots, etc. I have plenty of energy and I don't feel hungry, so I think I will just keep on with my current calorie intake and give myself 1,500/day, but I'm not going to feel forced into using all of them. I am also not going to feel guilty about going over a little.

I have discovered many new snacks:

-rice cakes with low fat cottage cheese and garlic powder and dried basil (My new fave! YUM!)

I have had no problems writing things down, and I actually kind of look forward to it everyday. Part of me loves to be very organized. Other parts of me don't clean my room.

I did so great on exercising last week. But for some reason, this week is not going so well. I don't know if I'm getting sick (oh please, no), or if I just overdid it last week. But it didn't feel like I did. Anyway, I tried to do my DVD this morning, and it was just not happening. I have a rule that even if I don't feel like it, I have to do at least 5 or 10 minutes, and if I'm still not feeling it, I can stop. Usually, after 5 or 10 minutes, I am fine and go on with the workout. Today, that was not the case. It is really frustrating, because I love working out and I really want to do it. But there is not a whole lot I can do when my body won't cooperate. Tomorrow I think I am going to try walking and give myself a break from the DVD. Maybe I just need to mix it up.

That is all from me for today, I think. I am making pancakes for dinner tonight for my housemates, so that will be good, even if I can only have a couple. They will be delicious, and I will enjoy them. =)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Love this song.

I love this song. I found Lenka (the artist) on iTunes, when it
recommended her based on one of my previous purchases. Anyway,
this song has just really stuck in my head. Love love love it.

Also, I have an email address for this blog now! It's:


So feel free to drop me an email about anything. =)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Fun and the future.

I decided on a haircut as a reward several weeks before I actually made the weight. Now that I have achieved that goal, it is time for a new reward to work towards. I decided that my next goal is 40 pounds lost - that means a weight of 210.3. And my reward is going to be a Philosophy bath/shower gel from Sephora. They have some that smell like things such as candy canes, pink frosted layer cake, cocoa, pumpkin pie, mimosa, champagne, cinnamon buns, etc. And they all smell sooooooo delicious. Plus, it's better than eating all those things, right? Haha. But they also have the gel in the scents of their perfumes, which is what I use. (My personal favorite is Amazing Grace.) I am not sure which I will pick... I guess I will just have to wait for the day that I get to go... which will hopefully be sometime in January.

This has been and will continue to be a busy weekend for me. Yesterday I had my haircut and then I worked out. Then I made my way to Holly's and we took a walk in the rain/snow. My pants were very wet at the end and I had to borrow some sweatpants of Holly's while I stuck my jeans in her dryer. The rest of the afternoon was spent preparing for and then celebrating the engagement of two of my fellow volunteers from last year. It was a lot of fun, and a very exciting time. I resisted the most delicious looking cupcakes in the world, but I did have a glass of champagne with some raspberries. Yum. I would never turn down champagne.

Today I had a rough time getting up, and I really struggled through my workout with Jillian. I don't know what was going on. I know I did not drink a ton of water yesterday, and I did stay up kind of late last night. So that could be it. But I finished, even if it wasn't very good. Then I threw some clothes in the wash, as all my jeans are dirty, and took a shower. Next up is stopping by Target for some new hair stuff, then grocery shopping for the house for the week. I am thinking about going somewhere this afternoon to work on writing, but I haven't decided. My heart just isn't in it this year, and that is killing me. I want so badly to win NaNoWriMo again, but I just never feel like writing. I kind of feel like exercise and working on my eating has taken over my life. I spend so much time writing/reading blogs, reading labels, writing in my food journal, exercising to my DVD or running or both. I just don't know what to do.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Haircut Pic

I got my hair cut this morning. It was my reward for 20 pounds lost, which actually happened last week, but I couldn't get an appointment that worked for me until today. I woke up at the crack of dawn and made my way to the salon, which was glorious. (And by salon, I do indeed mean beauty school, but DANG are they good!!!)

Anywho, I kind of took a risk and got me some bangs. They are fairly long. My mom was laughing at me on Skype because I haven't quite learned to control them yet and they kept falling in my eyes. I have since worked out and showered, and then styled my hair again. Hairspray seems to help a little bit. I think I need some more products... Target, here I come!

Here is a picture so you can see what I had done. I had about 3 inches cut off total, except for bangs, which are obviously shorter. What do you think? Personally, I am completely in love with it, I think it's so so cute!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday Stats

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 229.4

This Week's Weight: 227.4

So that is exactly a 2 pound loss. Pretty awesome, if I do say so myself!!! I am very happy with that.

30 Day Shred: 6 times
Running: 30 minutes

I had full intentions of doing the Shred and then going for another run this morning. Then it was foiled by my boss calling and asking if I could come in at 9 instead of my usual 11. BOO. So much for my personal time. I am going to be doing my Shred this evening, but I'm not going to do the run - it's just not safe to run after dark in my neighborhood. Alas. I am going to try to get a run in tomorrow, but I'm not going to stress if I can't. I have a haircut at 8:30 (yay!), and then I am going to meet my friend Holly later in the afternoon and we are going to go for a walk. So I know I will be getting my exercise in.

Well, I had best go eat breakfast and get ready, since I need to leave early for work. At least it is Friday and the weekend is in front of me. =) I hope all of you have awesome weekends!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Scary dream!

So I had a dream last night and for some reason, I was just eating bags and bags of Skittles. It was kind of scary.

I don't even really like Skittles all that much.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Identifying the Lies

We had a really interesting conversation in my Depression class on Monday. We were talking about the scripts that are in our heads. Think about it. What do you constantly hear in your head? Is it positive? Is it negative? Personally, most of my scripts are negative.

I'm not smart enough.
I will always be overweight.
There is no way I can do this.
I will never be able to run a marathon.


How many times have you thought to yourself "Why can't I get my head straight? Why am I so hard on myself?"

Here is the answer. You might not be the one that is being hard on yourself. It might be something else.

Another question: Do you believe in evil? It doesn't have to be in a religious sort of way (ie. Satan, or the Devil), but just evil sprits/forces in general. Personally, I do. I know there is evil in this world that is actively working against us.

And those evil forces are really good liars.

These evil forces are lying to us. They don't want us to succeed. So, the next time you hear a negative thought running through your brain, take the time to identify it as a lie. If you are faith-inclined, make it a prayer. "Jesus, that is a lie!" Or just say it out loud. "Something is trying to tell me that I can't lose this weight. That is a LIE! I can lose this weight, by eating healthy and exercising."

The most important thing in this practice is to be consistent. Whenever you hear those lies in your head, identify them, and speak out against them. Eventually, they will not happen as often. The better you get at identifying them, the more they will just disappear.

So that is what I learned this week. I don't think I worded it as well as our instructor, but I did my best. I hope this helps someone, even a little bit.


In other news, I am doing so well. I am racking up the NSVs this week, let me tell you. Today after my workout with Jillian, I decided to go out for a 1/2 hour walk. It was the perfect plan... except it didn't work. I ended up going for a 1/2 hour run. WHAT?!?!?!

Let's back up for a second. The last time I really ran was my half marathon back in May. Historically, when I take months long hiatuses from running, it has always been super hard getting back into it, and it takes a few weeks before I can even run a whole mile without stopping to walk or wanting to die. Today I ran 1.72 miles. Without stopping. Because apparently I can. I guess losing 20 pounds and working out (walking and doing my DVD - that's it), really has upped my endurance. I hope this translates to easier hiking next summer, too.

Anyway. I let Jillian kick my ass for 22 minutes then went for a run. What have I become? I don't know the answer to that, but it felt pretty dang good.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I miss walking. (And other various thoughts.)

I've been doing the 30 Day Shred since Saturday. I love it. I can feel the changes that are happening and I'm very slowly being able to do a few more jumping jacks, or a few more butt kicks, or a few more lunges/bicep curls. It feels amazing, and I am reminded of this throughout the day when I move around and can feel the ache in my muscles.

But I haven't walked since I started 30DS. And I really miss it! So I'm trying to figure out how to work it back into my routine. I don't want to skip days of the Shred, at least until I have done it everyday for a whole month. I like doing it every day. But I don't have the time to do both the Shred and go for an hour long walk. I'm thinking that my best bet would be to do the Shred, and then go out for a 1/2 hour walk, and do a longer walk on the weekends. I'm also thinking about starting up running again. Perhaps I will work that in too.

I don't think I have ever been this obsessed with exercise! But I can't get enough of it now. Despite how hard it is, and how much I sweat, as soon as I'm finished with the Shred every morning I start looking forward to the next morning. I just feel so good about myself.

NSV - The other day I needed to get my clothes out of the dryer. I didn't want to put my sweaty workout clothes back on, so I grabbed a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt and threw them on. Now, I have had these shorts for awhile but I have worn them maybe once, because while I could get them on, I often felt like they were trying to squeeze me in half. Very uncomfortable. But now, they are perfect! Not exactly flattering, but they fit! I slept in them last night, and then just changed my shirt to work out this morning. I have not worked out in shorts in, well, a long long time. So that was just really fun.

I started a food journal yesterday. I don't know what made me think of it, other than the fact that I will try to justify calories to myself, even when I don't know exactly how many I have already eaten. So now I am writing everything down, and keeping track of my calories. For example, here is my breakfast for today:

1 Cup Cheerios with 1/2 Cup skim milk: 140
1/2 banana: 60
scrambled egg + extra egg white: 101
TOTAL: 301

That was a delicious breakfast, by the way. I highly recommend it.

I think that was most of what I wanted to post on. I do have one more big post coming up, but I need some time to get the right words for it. It is about what we talked about in depression class last night, that I think will really help in this process of losing weight as well. So look for that tonight or tomorrow! Happy Tuesday! (At least it's not Monday anymore! Hahaha.)

Monday, November 9, 2009

Lots to update on... but not tonight.

I have a ton of stuff to update on, but I am trying to make myself go to bed earlier, so I am not going to do it tonight. But hopefully over the next few days I will get it out. Today was really good. I accomplished quite a bit, learned a lot, and felt good about myself. Anyway, sorry this is so lame, but I wanted to remind myself that I have much that needs to be posted. =) Come back tomorrow.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


I promise that not all entries are going to revolve around the 30 Day Shred. Maybe once a week, or when I move up a level.

But I just had to say that I have not felt so sore upon waking up since May, when I ran a half marathon. Even my chest was sore this morning. I laid in bed for about half an hour debating whether to get up and do the Shred again, or to rest and sleep some more.

I got up. I shredded. It hurt. But then when I stopped, it felt amazing. I laid around for awhile afterward and waited until I stopped sweating before showering. (Did you know you are supposed to do that? If you shower while you are still sweating, the sweat can get clogged in your pores. So always wait until you are no longer sweating before showering!)

In NaNoWriMo land, I am behind on my word count. However, I did a few thousand words last night, and will try to do the same this afternoon. Then after work, I am going to see The Time Traveler's Wife at the cheap theater, by myself. Since I worked all weekend at my second job, going to the movies is going to be my "weekend" before going back to work at my first job, tomorrow morning.

That's all I've got for you today. I am very much sore, and steps are not my friend. I tried going upstairs on the stairs after the Shred and almost threw up, no joke. Then I took the elevator back down, hahaha.

I hope you all had great weekends!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

What is it about weekends?

I don't know what it is about weekends, but for the past month or so, they make me really want to binge. Is it the fact that I am not as busy as I am during the week? Am I more bored? Am I more lonely? Do I think that since it's the weekend that I should be allowed to kick back and be more lax?

I think this last one is one of my key issues. I feel like I should be able to relax and do (eat) whatever I want on the weekends. That kind of thinking is just frustrating and wrong.

I'm not following a terribly restrictive eating plan. If I want some chocolate, I budget for it and have it. If I eat a piece of pizza, I don't need to feel guilty if I'm also having some veggies and a piece of fruit. I do try and keep my calories to about 1,500-1,600 a day. Sometimes I go a little over, but most days, I do really well staying in that range. I am not hungry all the time. (You can eat a LOT of healthy food for that many calories!!!)

But it is so hard to deal with these cravings which I do not want around anymore. I know that food is not the enemy.

However, I also know that food is not my friend. Food will not give me a hug if I'm having a bad day. Food cannot hang out with me and listen to me. Food will not offer constructive alternatives to problems in my life.

GO AWAY, CRAVINGS. You are NOT WELCOME here anymore.

Anyway, now that that's out of the way, I got my 30-Day Shred DVD in the mail yesterday. I did it for the first time this morning. Oh boy. I couldn't even do the whole first workout all the way through. I think I did pretty well for my first time though. I can already tell this will be a great complement to walking. My muscles feel a little tired now, but I bet they will be even more sore when I wake up in the morning. And lucky me, I get to do the whole thing again tomorrow! By the way, jumping jacks? Really hard!!!!! I am going to stick with the first workout until I can at least get all the way through it, which might take a few weeks. I can definitely see myself sticking with this DVD, as I loved the fact that it was only 20 minutes. And I was still sweating 15 minutes after I had finished it, haha. My goal for tonight/tomorrow is to get out and get some hand weights that I can use instead of canned peach pie filling...

Friday, November 6, 2009

Friday Stats: Astounded.

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 233

This Week's Weight: 229.4

HOW THE HECK. I ate quite a bit of candy. I only exercised once, so I'm not even going to bother putting that down. I have no earthly idea how I came away from this week with a loss, much less a loss of 3.6 pounds. This puts me officially over the 20 pound mark, which means I'm going to get my hair cut this week! Wahoo!!!

Speaking of exercise, I would not have gone out at all if it wasn't for Monica. She left me such a sweet comment on my last blog, about how I inspired her to go walking. I am pretty sure no one has ever said such a thing to me before, and I was so pleased! I then realized that in light of this past week, I was not worthy of such kind words. So I decided to lace up my shoes and go for a walk. It was the least I could do. And it was a wonderfully lovely walk! I have been laying in bed most mornings feeling exhausted and tired, and I went out and walked anyway, and it was such a good decision. I felt a lot more like myself after that walk, and that is something that I really need to remember.

Well, I think that is it for this update. I am still in awe of the numbers. I am going into this weekend with a renewed sense of energy and commitment. Bring it on, next week.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I love Jillian.

Seriously. I wish I could just have her around all the time.

On a similar note, The Biggest Loser makes me cry every freaking week. Especially this week, when Abby went home. Sad day, but dang, she looked good when they caught up with her! Reminder, don't tell me anything about the one that was on last night - Hulu is a week behind, so I don't see last night's episode until Monday.

Back to Jillian... I am listening to an old podcast of hers... very interesting! I also ordered a used copy of her 30 Day Shred DVD. I'm super pumped to get it. I can't deny the appeal of getting in a workout in only 20 minutes or so.

This week has been a little insane for me. Both Monday and Tuesday I got 6 AM calls asking me to come to work at 8:30 instead of 11. I did, both days, so I had really long work days.

I am learning a lot from my depression class. This is a class that meets once a week and we talk about depression, how it affects us, how we manage day to day, etc. It's a nice support to have, and I like the teacher and the other two people in the class. It's a small group, and that is a lot easier for me to feel comfortable talking with.

I am plugging along on my novel for NaNoWriMo. I am slightly behind on word count, but I will catch up this weekend, for sure.

This week hasn't been great. Like I said, I binged over the weekend, and some of that bled over into the week as well. It has been getting progressively better every day though. I am getting back on track slowly but surely. In the long run, one week isn't going to kill me. I have no illusions that I'm going to have a loss this week on the scale. Heck, I would actually be surprised if I did - I will not be surprised if I stay the same, or even gain. We'll see. I'm not going to stress about it. This is a process, not a quick fix. A bad week will not screw me over for years to come, unless I repeat the bad week every week for years. Which I'm sure as heck not going to do.

Well, I think that's all I have for tonight. If you notice I'm not posting as much this month, it's because in addition to all the other stuff I do, I'm writing a novel. =)

Saturday, October 31, 2009


It is 11:21. I am trying to stay up until midnight so that I can start my NaNoWriMo. (Don't know what this is? It's all about writing a 50,000 word novel in a month. It's crazy, fun, and crazyfun. Check it out here.) Last year was my first year, and I won, which means I made it to the 50,000 mark. It was hard work, but one of the coolest things I've ever done. I really want to get at least a couple hundred words down tonight, just to say that I did... so this is me, trying to kill time and stay awake.

In other, health related news, yesterday and today were complete and utter crap. After all my positive self talk on Friday morning, I binged. Yesterday and today. It wasn't as bad as it was in the past. I'm not going to be the person that lists everything that I've had, so let's just say it wasn't good. I honestly could not stop myself. I hate feeling so damn out of control. I picked up a book on Thursday called "Crave: Why You Binge Eat, and How to Stop." I'm super excited to read this book. There are three types of eating disorders: anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and EDNOS - Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified. Currently, Binge Eating Disorder is classified as an EDNOS. Anyway, I've read the first few pages and they are interesting. I line up with a lot of the symptoms (qualities? habits? indicators?) of Binge Eating Disorder. It's really hard for me to admit this. I think maybe three people that I know in real life read this blog, but it's still hard to admit. I'm hoping this book will help me.

Sigh. I still have 22 minutes. But I am le tired.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Friday Stats... Bleh...

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 233.8

This Week's Weight: 233 (-.8)

Boo. I really wanted to lose more than that. So since I'm at an even 233, my goal for next week is to lose 3 pounds. I think it's doable. I just have to really watch my calories, especially at my birthday/Halloween party tomorrow night. I also need to get my exercise in - whether that be walking, or doing my pilates DVD. I've got to step it up.

This week for exercise:

Walking: 60 minutes
Walking through/playing in snow: 120 minutes

Let's go, new start for November.

(Total October Weight Loss: 17.3 pounds.)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The upside of blizzards.

SNOW DAY!!! It is an official snow day, and I have never been so happy I work for a school of sorts. My housemates went out to the front yard and measured, and apparently we have about 15 inches of snow so far. And it's STILL snowing! It really feels like Christmas.

My eating has not been great this week. And I know I can blame part of that on my birthday, because I gave myself the day off. I didn't go overboard, but I did eat two of the chocolate chip banana bread muffins that my housemates made for me.

I also have not done a ton of exercise. I did get a walk in on Monday. But then I worked two long days at work and didn't have the daylight to walk in. But today, hopefully, I'll get a good workout. My housemates and I are going adventuring into the snow for a true old fashioned snow day. We are going to walk (read: slog) over to the park and play in the snow. My housemates went yesterday and said the slides are so slippery they are practically dangerous. So slides, perhaps swings, snowball fights, forts, snow angels... if that's not a workout, I don't know what is. =)

Okay. Now that I've had my hot cocoa, I'm going to go join my housemates and start planning our day. Movies and hot drinks will of course be included after the snow adventure is complete.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Birthday Blizzard!!!

And by Blizzard, I do NOT mean a tasty ice cream treat from DQ. No, I mean real snow. Lots of it. It's been snowing all freaking day, and I am sooooo glad to be home!!! I even got to come home early once all the kids I was watching were picked up.

So anyway, today is my birthday! I'm 25. A quarter of a century old. It still seems a little crazy. Despite the blizzard, I've had a lovely birthday so far. I just got off Skype with my parents. They bought me a computer this summer which was both my birthday and Christmas present this year, and I am thrilled beyond words with my computer. But my mom had also gotten me something earlier in the summer. And it was a COACH PURSE!!!!!!!!! I have always wanted a Coach purse. It is slightly taller than it is wide, and has beautiful blue leather and a sparkly blue fabric stripe at the bottom of the bag. I am in love. I can't wait to move the contents of my old purse to my NEW purse!!! What a great birthday present! (Unlike this blizzard...) =)

Monday, October 26, 2009

I finally got to walk!

Yay for me, after a week of resting and trying to get better, I finally got to go out for a walk. It felt so good, even though freezing cold wind kept blowing in my face.

Today I got a birthday present in the mail! I promised not to open it though, until I was on Skype with my mom. Sigh. Not that I really want to open my present two days early. Guess I will just have to wait.

Tonight was supposed to be my depression class, but the leader of the group cancelled. Luckily I checked my email on my phone, or the other girl who was there and I would have been sitting around for awhile!

I don't have much to say this evening. I'm glad I can be active again and go for my walks. Now I'm going to go finish up watching Friday's Diet Tribe!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Not great... but not terrible, either.

So I didn't do such a great job this weekend. When we went out to dinner last night, it was to one of my favorite restaurants, Steuben's. Which is a funky diner that serves classic American food. I had a pulled pork sandwich and macaroni and cheese. Though, I did share the mac and cheese with Caroline in exchange for some green beans. And I had a beer, which was freaking delicious. I didn't make good choices there. But I didn't let myself get too down. Every day is a new day, and every meal is a new chance to make good choices.

Today I did alright, though I caved and ate two cookies and some hot cider after church with my friends Joy and Robin. Then we carved a socially just pumpkin. (Social justice was the theme of the after-church social, and then we had to carve our pumpkins in accordance with the theme.) Ours was pretty bad, but we had a really good time doing it and laughed a lot. I am meeting up with them super early on Saturday at 5 AM to go to our church for the 24 hour concert of prayer. We are taking a 5-6 AM shift and then going out to breakfast afterward.

I completely meant to go walking today. I also did 5 loads of laundry this weekend, and the one I was finishing early this afternoon had my Under Armor in it. I was watching a documentary on Netflix about Mt. Everest (I am obsessed with Mt. Everest, btw) and I fell asleep!!!!! For two hours!!!!!! Needless to say by the time I woke up I barely had enough time to shower and throw clean clothes on before I needed to be at church. I am extremely hopeful for getting out tomorrow morning though. This virus I have isn't totally gone, but I am feeling just a little better every day.

I am also contemplating talking to my doctor about changing up my depression meds. I feel like they have helped a little bit, but so far, I don't like the Prozac as much as I liked the Lexapro I had a couple years ago. I know I can't get Lexapro with Kaiser, but I'm hoping there is another option that might work better. I'll probably try to get in this week or maybe next week.

So anyway, that was my weekend. Now I am laying in bed watching/listening to the live U2 concert stream on YouTube. So very cool. It's a beautiful day.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

i heart my mom

My mom is the greatest. We were trying to Skype right now but her video chat wasn't working. Mine was, so she could see me. But she was busy (the chimney cleaners were coming), so we set up a time this afternoon to actually chat.

Anyway, before she logged off, she said "You look good!" Aww. Thanks, Mom! Even if she doesn't know I'm doing this (heck, maybe she does!) it is so nice to hear such a wonderful comment. I was feeling very down after last night, and that was such a pick me up.

Today I am going grocery shopping, and then coming back and trying to squeeze in a walk before my Skype date with my mom. Then my housemate Kate's mom is in town, and she is taking all of us out to dinner! How sweet is that? I haven't been out to eat since starting this journey, so I'm excited to go and make a healthy choice tonight.

Friday, October 23, 2009

really struggling tonight

I had wondered when a night like tonight was going to happen. I am so frustrated that I swear I could just burst into tears at any moment. It's not because I'm not losing weight. It's not because I'm not pleased with my progress and excited about this journey.

It's because I want with all of my being to BINGE. I wandered around Target for half an hour talking myself into and out of really high calorie food that I know would cause me to binge. I would love to eat a bag of Pizza Goldfish. Or a box of donuts covered in powdered sugar. Or half a pizza. Or a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Or all of that, for dinner.

I think the day started going downhill when I forgot to say DECAF at Starbucks. I remembered to say non-fat, but decaf slipped my mind. I haven't had that much caffeine since January. I gave up soda and caffeine cold turkey, because my brother had, and I really admired that. He eventually went back to drinking caffeine. I did not. Because I am an addict. No joke, I could drink 4 or 5 Diet Cokes in a day. More if I could have afforded it. So it was great for me and my body when I quit. I felt better, I was saving money. And the only reason it worked to go cold turkey is because I am damn stubborn. Anyway, back to today. I had a grande non-fat Pumpkin Spice latte. With caffeine. I'm still kicking myself. Not because I drank it, I mean, it was an honest mistake, and it's not like I'm worried about ruining a streak. No. It's because that caffeine messed with me all day. I had a ton of energy, and I honestly didn't like the feeling. I like my normal amount of energy, thank you very much.

I really think the caffeine did something to my brain, and that is why I want to binge so bad tonight. I am a caffeine addict, and I don't think I'll ever go back to drinking it, or drinking soda. It's just not good for me. And after today, I doubt I'll forget to say DECAF ever, ever again.

I guess I just feel so out of control right now, and I don't like that. I don't want to want to binge. But that's what I'm feeling. It's scary.

There were good things that happened today. My brother's girlfriend started working with me. It was soooo nice to see her and chat for a few minutes. I'm really looking forward to having her just next door to me!

I also went to Old Navy after work and bought a new pair of jeans. Jeans without a number "2" in the size. That's right, I got a pair of 18s. Oh. My. Gosh. I cannot *quite* fit them comfortably. I can zip them up, but there is still a bit of the muffin top effect. But when my 20s nearly fell off in my classroom today (I kid you not!), I knew I had to go get some new pants. If they are a little tight now, they won't be in a week or two. I also got two shirts, because they were super cheap, and really cute.

At Target, I ended up getting a Lean Cuisine pizza and a package of gnocchi. I did not buy Goldfish, or regular pizza, or the most giant box of Junior Mints EVER. I did not buy a bag of chips or a box of donuts. Why? Because like I said, I'm damn stubborn. I had to fight myself every step of the way though. I came home, and made gnocchi with pasta sauce, and had some of a salad that my housemate Kate had made. I measured my pasta and the sauce and ate an appropriate amount. Then I had a fudgesicle for dessert. I'm saving the pizza for when the craving comes back.

I really think I should talk to my housemates about this apparent need of mine to binge. My housemates are amazing, I trust them completely, and we have created a really safe living environment. I know they would take me seriously and look out for me. And that would be a really great support to have.

Sorry this is so crazy long, and that it's a bit of a downer for an otherwise wonderful Friday night. But I had to get it out somewhere.

Official Friday Stats!

Starting Weight: 250.3
Last Week's Weight: 235.8

This Week's Weight: 233.8 (-2)

Total lost so far: 16.5 pounds.

Exercise Minutes: BIG FAT ZERO.

I didn't do a thing this week. I woke up every morning feeling terrible, with a sore throat and sometimes a headache, and absolutely no energy whatsoever. The only thing I did this week was watch my calories - and look, I lost 2 POUNDS!!!!! How amazing. I am very pleased with 2 pounds. Also, it puts me over the 15 pound mark, so I can go get a new badge from the HYC.

Today I woke up and my throat was not quite as bad as it was yesterday. I'm hoping that this means that I'm getting better, and will be able to get back to my regular routine. If tomorrow goes as planned, I'm hoping I can get in a walk, maybe in the afternoon, when I tend to have more energy.

I hope you are all having great weeks!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Pics from Wicked!

Me and Holly at Wicked on Tuesday! I'm on the left, Hol's on the right.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Wicked was amazing last night. It made me want to be working back in the theater again. (I was a stage manager or assistant stage manager for 3 years in college for our opera program.) I really miss being backstage. I honestly would love to get back into theater, but I don't really have the time or skills or contacts that I need to have. It would be really fun to work in a theater.

I am still feeling sick. Thanks ever so much, post-nasal drip and sore throat.

Not looking forward to my weigh in on Friday. I need to buckle down tomorrow and really keep track of my calories, since I'm not really exercising this week.

It snowed a lot today. Thus, our house is freezing. Luckily we are winterizing soon!

I have discovered that The Biggest Loser on Hulu is one week behind the show on TV. So last week's episode didn't get on the site until last night. That is LAME. Every other show is online by the next day, usually.

Yeah, I think that's all. Sorry I don't have any actual news. I'm just really struggling this week trying to stay on track, and also trying to get enough rest so that my body can get over this virus.